Saturday, December 24, 2011

naughty panties for Christmas

Christmas Greetings Bloogers, Readers, and Facebookers alike!

Today I had Christmas Eve at my dad's house. The stocking were hung by the chimney with care and stuffed with really good gifts. Got some good gift cards, socks that call me naughty, candy, and a pocket mirror. Oh and germ X. Also I received a tee Shirt that says "put your big girl panties on, Get over it."
That tee shirt got dad a lot of cool points in the present contest this year, I have to admit. it's amazing. got a pair of panties on it and everything! However, the race is not over. Mom still gets to play tomorrow. and since I know (by pure accident!!) what I'm getting, I'm pretty sure she will take the cake.But we will not declare an official winner until tomorrow.

With all the gifts and fuss over The Big Day. I have really been giving some thought to Baby Jesus and those who won't be receiving tee shirts, and socks, or gift cards, or even a decent dinner. My heart goes out to them. As sad as I get, I have really been giving God some props. I'm so thankful for what I have. Sometimes my life seems like it really sucks, but when I think about it I have it so much better than a lot of people. So I encourage you, this Christmas to give some thought about what you have and to be grateful for it. Give the Big Guy some props, He more than deserves them!


Merry Christmas!
Don't Drink and Drive!
(I don't wanna attend a funeral over the holiday)

oh and P.S- My grandmaw is in the hospital.. I don't wanna go into detail, but while you are giving God props could you send up a prayer for her? THX :) 

Sunday, December 18, 2011

this post is about a baby.. sorta...

it's sunday sunday sunday!
food is cooking, football is on, and.. my cousin smells weird. he was outside playing football.
culprit of the stink
Christmas is days away... just to state the obvious. every body else is talking about it, i figured i might as well go along with the crowd. It doesn't feel like Christmas. I feel like Cindy Lou Who, from the Grinch. I can hardly remember what Christmas "feels" like. Is there such a thing? "feeling" Christmas. I'm just ready to get it over with.

Last night my family had the annual Chinese Christmas party. We all get together and play the game, eat and be marry. Its a good time and the best part is, you leave with a present. as silly as the gift could be, (Christmas cookies and cookie cutters) it still counts as a present. and yes, yours truly left with the Christmas cookie cutters and a complementary bag of sugar cookie mix. I do look forward to this family function every year. ( shh, it's our little secret. i would't want to ruin my image*)
last night was pretty special too.. so you know how i have this thing about babies.. you know they scare the hell out of me thing.
well my cousin has this baby(which i accidentally called "thing" around the baby daddy.. whoops!).. cutest thing.. and i don't know what possessed me, but i held the baby. i was so scared she was going to cry, i'm not even gonna lie. but to my surprise she didn't. she laid her head down on me and was attempting a cat nap. she eventually was whisked off to bed. neither of us cried, that was amazing.
i have a picture that i will post later... it's on my facebook if you wanna go check it out :)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

College and Christmas

"the sound of my heart pounding tells me there's still hope."
-icon for hire. 
Good band all around. Go check them out. Buy their cd, they are still starting out, go show your support!

survived my first semester of college and only had to drop one class. and i'm almost positive i passed everything else with and A or B. i'm sweating it out until grades come in though.
one more semester to go and then Hello Evangel! 
speaking of next semester.. my smart self took English 112, research papers, and western civ in the same semester. now this doesn't seem like a problem, but seeing as how i dropped western civ last semester because i could keep up, i'm starting to rethink.
take it all in stride.. until the pressure becomes to much and i have a breakdown!! 

in other news, the Christmas season is in full swing; suffocating the life out of me. in the true spirit of Christmas, my uncle Jimmy is down from NY and he has this exciting habit of dressing up like Santa. he looks legit too. beer belly, beard and all. last night we went out to dinner.. ohh yea, you know where this is going. he dressed as Santa. and it wasn't really that embarrassing.. it was amazing to watch all these random children flock to him. some of the kids were smiling so hard they couldn't see straight. and the parents showed no precaution, they were dragging them to uncle Jim.
i don't get it.. i mean, don't you think the whole idea of Santa is creepy. "he knows when you are sleeping, he knows when your awake.." sounds like a creeper to me. i can just imagine a big fat guy getting all cheery as he watches me take a shower.
that's why grown ups don't believe in Santa!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

man-candy

generally i panic and look down when i see boys that i like. i'm almost certain that it's a mental condition. 
however, as of late, i have been slowly cracking the shell open and making contact. 
this particular piece of man candy is in one of my classes at school. and for a while i've tried to make small flirty chit chat.. ( Lord help me!) at first, the only thing i did was stick my foot in my mouth, so i backed off. i have a tragic fear of rejection.. btw. 
after giving up, said man candy still noticed that i was on the planet, so often i give myself pep talks... and now that i have a plan of action the semester is over! i have really bad timing as well apparently. 
any who.. the other day i made great progress! i got out of my first class early and went i went to wait for my next one, guess who was sitting, ALONE i might add, man candy!
 i strolled right over to the couch and sat beside him. i grabbed his text book from his hand and threw it on the floor. before he could protest i grabbed his face in my hands and said in a very sensuous voice "i know you've been waiting for me" and i kissed him, in front of God and the computer geeks! 


..ok so we both know that really didn't happen. but wouldn't that have been amazing?!!! (yes, it would have) but i did go over there and sat across from him. i said "hey" i pulled out my book to read because i didn't want to look desperate. and to my surprise HE initiated conversation. we talked for like 30 mins before class. it was awesome :) 
baby steps. 
i have never admitted anything like this to anyone before(err.. at least publicly where it could come back to haunt me).. so feel special!! 
i want his number so bad i can taste the text messages. (too much?) 


will you look at this.. i'm losing my mind!! what has happened to Emily???!
*that is the though provoking question. 


ohh p.s! the best freaking part about this is he's tall!!! he has like 4 inches on me!! :) 

Monday, December 5, 2011

shot to hell

let's just lay everything out on the table...
the past few days, weeks, months? i haven't been able to properly function. 
i have no clue what is going on. it's like i've done a 180. 
i'm standing on the edge of the cliff again. don't worry, i don't plan to jump. 
i just don't know how to get myself out of the slump.
maybe it's the change of the seasons.. this seems to happen to me a lot when the seasons change. 
my internal axis gets flipped upside down and my mentality is shot to hell. 

yesterday, i went to the graveyard and walked around and listened to the dead.(a little too poetic?) all the while unloading my shot to hell mentality onto my best friend. (that's what a best friend is, somebody who walks around the graveyard with you because your depressed. that's love my dear readers.) 
"all i need is a little of the good life" 
what is the good life?! 
is it:
  • Religion
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Money
  • Career 
  • Knowledge 
  • Contentment 
this is a quick list i made of things i think i want in life(not specifically in that order).. but how can you have ALL of them in the right balance? that's my thought provoking question. 

on a side note, with the thought of having balance in my life i've been thinking about taking up yoga. yea, wii fit yoga, back off! anywho.. maybe some mediation would be good. just a thought. 

Friday, December 2, 2011

Sylvia Plath is in my book club

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.  From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked.  One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out.  I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose.  I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.  ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, Chapter 7




What can you say to begin digesting this? I find its hopeless ambition bittersweet. 
Have you ever reached a point in your life where there are so many things, ideally, that you would like to achieve? But you can't pick one and motivate yourself to reach the chosen goal. And then that poses the question, how do you pick just one? I think in today's society we don't have to. Everybody can be a triple threat. It just takes the will and drive ( *and daddy's money, and spreading your legs)to get it. 
We have wants and needs, yet lack motivation. 
And the really kicker is, some people don't have a lack of motivation. Some people see what they want and take it. Fear of failure is not on the list of conquering the world. 
I watched the movie about Sylvia Plath and now I feel a little obsessed with her. She was  a great and tortured mind.  I want to be a great mind! ( but i can't even write English papers... I dream big!) I also want to read The Bell Jar now. and and.. I want to start a book club. 


*strictly for sarcastic purposes only. i do not suggest you do these things to conquer the world. 



Wednesday, November 30, 2011

procrastinator's guide to productivity #1

"when i'm spinning, your love is like a rock" 
this specific part of  this song is on repeat in my head right now. 
it's simple truth is what i need right now. just simplicity. i feel like i have made a mess of life. 
my direction is.. foggy, if you will.  i'm sure we all feel like that at times, but i've noticed that this happens to me a lot more frequently than it should. so..
i am taking action! i am taking back my life. i will not let depression eat me alive! 
i will write my English paper
i will clean my room
i will drink more water
i will donate toys for Christmas
i will read more
i will pray more
i will do more


this list is just a few of the things i thought would jump start my journey of self improvement. i have convinced myself that if i get off my butt and do something, other than worrying about my problems, that i will feel better and make my life a little bit more productive. 
don't we all need a little more productivity in our lives? 
what are you going to do to make your life more productive? 





2009-06-17-productivity-today.png
for all us victims to social networking






Sunday, November 27, 2011

Lifetime movie

So I'm just chilling in bed watching this lifetime movie... I'm not even sure what the name is. It's a web of lies, that what it should be called.. web of lies!! With dramatic music playing and a black backdrop.
This dude meets a pretty lady, charms the pants off of her and then disappears. He does this several times, then asks her to marry him. So she says yes, he takes off again.. and bam! He's married to another pretty lady and he has kids!! Omg! So he fakes his death and runs back to lady with charmed off pants! And now he's robbing people left and right to get money, had another kid, and pretty lady #2 is onto him!
It's so intense... I hope I don't fall asleep :)
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Sunday, November 20, 2011

fa la la la la la alalllalalalala

i hate holidays.
for as long as i can remember i have disliked them. well.. i kinda like Christmas because we all know Christmas is about presents, and i am a sucka for a present. "oh you didn't have to get me anything" is probably the biggest lie i tell! in my head i'm thinking, "yes, another present!!" 
Thanksgiving has always been an issue. family drama as usual. but now it's its even worse because my parents have split and we literally have to choose. naturally we are doing going to both, just like we did Christmas last year. last years' Turkey Day was easy.. we were on cruise with my mom. in theory i'd do that again. but no.. thats not an option this year.
i hate the end of the year. it starts getting really expensive and stressful. however, the good thing is that you can eat your feelings!! muhaha. which is not advisable, but realistic. 
you hate that you can't please both sides of the family adequately, but grandmaw's blueberry pizza pleases you stomach so much that eventually you stop caring. 
and Christmas is even better, because they subconsciously try to out do each other. exhibit A: last year my sister and i got ipods from pops, we went on a cruise ( that was more of a family gift though) wii games, gift cards, money.. we racked up on materialistic love! 




and i know what some of you are thinking; Emily, holidays are about the birth of Christ and Friends and Family and cheer and giving to others and blah blah blah.. yes that's all true, but let's face it for the most part that stuff gets put on the back burner. except the birth of Christ.. i think people who truly appreciate that still show it. 
any who.. 


the holidays are close to smothering us.. What's your least favorite part of the holidays? 


i hope its a puppy!! 



Monday, November 14, 2011

i am human. that's no excuse.

Dear Reader, 
went to youth convention.. experienced the Jesus Bubble. it was wonderful. 
came back.. and my Jesus high plummeted. 
story of my life. 


i can't stop thinking about myself, and how weak i really am. when i say weak, i mean i have such a hard problem denying the sin that complicated my life. which we all do, if it wasn't a problem we'd be perfect. 
and let's face it.. none of us are perfect. 


so we have this walk with Christ.. and i picture this walk as a beautiful path. lush green leaves, a crisp breeze, flowers, and the sunlight on just me and God. (man, that sounds great doesn't it!) 
any who.. so on this walk, we sin and mess up.. which is dark, cold and the lush forest turns into a satanic graveyard. i have a twisted sense of humor, so i kinda like graveyards. however, when satan's invited to the party.. i don't like to attend. 
so metaphorically speaking, i'm tip toeing to the graveyard. the whole time, i'm screaming at myself "You Idiot! Turn Back Now!" despite my own wisdom, i keep going and i'm almost there. i'm afraid that if i get to the graveyard i'm going to find myself in the grave. 
so many choices.. and i know what's right. i know what's wrong. 
i am human. and that's no excuse. 


Sincerely, walking dead. 


P.S: what makes you weak?
P.P.S: somebody please say CANDY.. it'll make my day! :) 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Jesus Bubble

having a headache does not make it easy to work on that English paper that needs writing. 
tim and i set out to do that, however, i forgot i left up my blog page.. and my anti Christmas rant was still up. i decided not to post that because it was getting out of hand and semi sacrilegious. 
(Christmas is about presents!!! in a roundabout way) 
any who.. 
This weekend is Youth Convention 2011!!! I'm super excited. Youth Con is super amazing, but another super amazing thing is this year I'm a leader! muhahah. I basically get to chaperone a room of teenage girls. (pray for me!) But still, I think its a pretty big deal. I know its going to be special because we have a bunch of peeps that have never been, and if they don't have a great time, then it will confirm my thoughts that they are the devil ;) 
It's intense. God always shows up. I hope kids connect with God. I don't want it to just be an emotional experience. That's gonna happen.. but more than that I want them to get it. That's the only way I know how to describe it. I've been concerned about this for awhile now because sadly, some things I experienced at youth con were emotional experiences. On the flip side there were times when I really did connect.  It's amazing. 
Don't you wish you could stay inside the Jesus Bubble all the time? When I say Jesus Bubble, I mean, that moment(s) when you are truly connected and for a brief time the world stops and you are at peace and everything is ok. You are with the creator and his love has captured you completely. I love the Jesus Bubble. 
That's what happens at Youth Con!! and that's why I'm going to Evangel and that's why I want to work with youth and that's what saved me from myself and that's hope, and love, it's everything! 

*steps down from pulpit* 


What's your Jesus Bubble like? 

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

shortest post ever

i want to blog.. i'm trying. 
everything i want to say isn't coming out... 
don't you hate those days?? 
i've been wasting time on the webcam.. always a good distraction 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

ghetto booty hot dog tattoos

so today at Ross, i bought these super tight ghetto booty jeans. i mean, every curve/roll is being rugged and squeezed. 
i'm not sure how well this will go over, but we're gonna try them out. i really bought them because when i wear my rain boots, i want to wear them like the little preppy girls. you know the whole tucked in deal. 

Tuesday is my last day working at the grill. i'd be lying to say i wasn't excited. not that i don't like the people there ( and by that i mean the people that i work with, the customers are a different story..) i'm just ready for something else. i hate slinging hot dogs and cleaning up explosive dookie off the walls. oh the horror. i have another job lined up, which is the main reason i'm leaving the grill. this couple at my church has a curtain shop and have offered me a job there, so i seized the opportunity! i start on Thursday at 10 o'clock :) 
good things come to those who wait.. and believe me, i've been waiting. 
speaking of good things, i'm getting a tattoo. 
hells yea, i'm super excited. 
its going to be the quote "love conquers all" ( yes i know that can be a cheesy quote, but for me its all about the Jesus love, and when you think about it that way.. it's perfect! ) in front of the quote there is going to be a bird cage with the door open and then little birds flying away. it doesn't sound as good as it will look, i promise it will be intense :) 

so speaking of tattoos, if you have a tattoo, why do you have one? if not, let's say you were to get one, what would it be? 

Friday, October 28, 2011

i'm pregnant

i feel a bit sad, not gonna lie. 
it's friday night.. and i'm sitting home on the couch, in my sweats, with my mom watching tv. 
wow. living it up big time. 
i kinda sorta thought i was gonna hang with my best friend, but know.. she ran off into the sunset with her husband. story of my life. 
boo hoo. woe is me.
i think every person deserves a moment like this is their life. yes, i take hold of them a lot, but that's a different story for a different day. 


a story for today... 
ahh ok!
so: 
in my world religions class today  there is this kinda weird black girl and towards the end of class she blurts out.. 
B.G: mr. hairr what time is it? 
M.H: 10:36... were you wanting it to be 10:50 already?
B.G: yea.. i'm really upset and i can't focus. 
M.H: well if your that upset you can go ahead and go, i won't keep you
B.G: i can go? *M.H nods his head* thanks, i'm just really upset. i'm pregnant.
and then she freaking walks out of class!! 
it was the crazy. after she left the whole class busted out laughing. not because she's prego, but because of the way it all happened. it was like, WTF just happened? 
i love college :) 

Thursday, October 27, 2011

he's gone

i dreamed about you again last night.
i thought i was over with that. you're the it in every song that is my haunting, taunting heartbreak.
i was walking down the beach, thinking about you, about how i missed you and how perfect it would be if you were here with me. i was passing a hotel i had never seen before, and when i looked at it, i just knew you were there. my first thought was that you were up, sitting outside on the balcony. as i was walking through the pool area, on my way inside, there you were. you were sitting in a white lounge chair, dripping wet, and drinking a beer. typical you, i thought. something rushed through me that filled me with every emotion known to man. i was overjoyed that you were right in front of me, yet angry because you stayed away so long. we looked at each other for what seemed liked forever. all i said was hello.  you nodded and smiled at me. i knew it was ok. you were waiting for me too. i remember your hair was longer. i said something to you, but i couldn't make out what i said. it was fuzzy and inaudible. i ran my fingers through your hair and walked inside. my plan was to just wait for you in there. i was waiting for you to follow me this time.
i waited and waited and finally decided to go upstairs. the first few flights were crowed with people and it was hard for me to get past them at a fast pace. i was really excited now. i ran and ran up tens of flights. (it was a big effing hotel, with no elevator!) eventually nobody was around and i realized i didn't know what room was yours. i kept running, thinking i would just know, kinda like i did when i saw you. after more running, i stopped and realized i was alone, nobody was around, and you weren't coming after me. not last time, and not this time. i couldn't cry in the dream. i felt to heavy to let even tears escape. the dream ended and when i woke up i was long winded.
how many times will i have dreams about being left? why is suddenly the thought of being left alone scaring the hell out of me?
what is it about me that makes you, or anybody, not want me?
i don't understand most of it. the reality, i mean. the dream i can interpret just fine.
i shouldn't have tested you. i should've just stayed there with you, when i had to chance.
shoulda, coulda, woulda

*p.s dear reader, i know by now you're thinking who is she talking about??
i promise you, you don't know him. he's gone. thats all that really matters. if you ask me about it, that's what i'll tell you, he's gone. 


*what or who is  haunts and taunts you in dreams/nightmares? 

Friday, October 21, 2011

washing machines and plan B

yes, yes the background is washing machines.
why washing machines?
because i thought it was awesome! they have a whole slew of pictures to choose from.. you can even choose one of your own, which is amazing!
everything is subject to change.. i was trying stuff out. there were a lot of this (design template wise) that i hadn't messed around with in a while. i wanted to catch a power nap before class, but that doesn't seem like it will happen. plus i have issues with sleeping sitting up.
(i have issues with everything)
i'm hungry... i didn't really eat breakfast this morning and i'm feeling it now. by not really eating i mean, i had a cupcake but that does't really count.

so the library at school does this really awesome thing where they , i assume clean house per say, and give away old books for free. there is a huge stack of them by the door. i was going to check it out on my in, but there was this girl grading it with her life so i decided to hit it up on the way out.
i love libraries :) if this whole youth ministry thing doesn't work out, my back up plan is a librarian.
which i'm sure it will work out.. but its always safe to have a plan B.
have to ever noticed how many times a post i say BUT. i have.
i know its annoying.. i can contradict everything i say. not to sound cocky,  but doesn't that just make me a good thinker? that i can see both sides..err however many sides there are to things.
any who..
time for me to go readers.

what's your plan B? 

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

sorry for the spelling errors.. no spell check :(

yes, i am aware of my absense.. but actually having a life for a few days kept me away for the monotone complaining i tend to bore you with.

let's just get right to the point:
I MET JOHN COOPER.. AGAIN. and it was beyond amazing! (i have a picture but i'm usign the schools computer right now)
the concert was intense. no flames.. but they still rocked my face off. out seats were kinda high(not floor seats) and one time when i was trying to head bang (i'm not very good) i almost fell on the people in front of us.
the losers i should say.
who the F goes to a rock concert and SITS DOWN! come on people. have some respect. if your that tired.. go ride the ferris wheel.
any who.. the whole experience was great. i haven't truely smiled that much in a long time.
went to a wedding literally right after that. well we drove to the beach and the next day went to a wedding. that was pretty fun.. idk. weddings make me apathatic. all i think about it the soaring devorice rate.. and the fact that the dude, or the women will cheat when they get tired of their significant other.
i'm happy for them but, you know. nothing lasts forever. sex, marriage, def not love.
i take that back. Jesus love lasts forever.

i'm at school now and i'm ready to crawl under a blanket and sleep like rip van winkle. isn't that the guy who slept for like a hundred years and woke up to a completely diffrent world? if that's not our boy rip..you get what i mean. just one more class.
then i have to go home and work on that essay that was due earlier..
procrastination will be the death of me.


p.s: this has no substance.. the rain has made me blah..
how does the rain make you feel?

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

mid-term, missouri, and John Cooper

so i think i have found the easy, lazy american way to get out of this midterm.. drop the class! 
drop the class and take it over the summer. i was thinking of taking a class or two over the summer anyways because i have to have like 24 credits to be counted as a transfer student at Evangel. 
then on that same thought, i have been chewing over the idea of maybe trying to go to Evangel this spring semester.. maybe. i don't know. i'm just shooting around the dark here.. 
i'm so lost. 
ughh..
i'm always lost. 
i need a freaking road map for life. 
i said that as a Facebook status on time and one of my (smart aleck) friends replied "its called the bible" 
yes, i know that. but the bible doesn't spell out in black and white what God wants you to do for a college major.. that would be far to easy.
 yes. yes you do detect a bit of bitterness in that last bit. 
before i even graduated i wanted to run away and join the circus and forget college. thats starting to sound like a really good idea again. i could see myself selling popcorn to little brats and posing as the fattest women alive.
(and if you think about leaving a comment saying, emily your not fat! i will say something snide in reply back. nobody likes a suck up.. well.. ok sometimes its ok to be a suck up. but i know i'm not the fattest women alive... its ok for fat ppl to pick on themselves. now skinny ppl.. thats a whole different ball game.. ) 
any who... enough crazy talk. 
wait.. 
who's blog is this?
no crazy talk.. thats crazy talk! 


the skillet concert is, of course, friday!! and me and my friend Lizard made teeshirts today :) the other day John Cooper said something on his twitter about if your sick come to the fall tour because he was a dr. of rock... so our shirts say: 
(on the front) an apple a day keeps the doctor away.. (on the back) forget the apple, i came to see DR. ROCK 
be. jealous. 


so obviously, i'm in (some not creepy form of)  love with John Cooper.. 
who is your celeb crush? 

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

p.s answer my question!

my ears are sore. i put bigger gauges in and boy, i'm feeling it now. i'm at a size 4 :) it doesn't look as big as i thought it would, however, when compared to the regular hole, its pretty intense. 
check it out!! 




i have basically wasted the day away. 
i keep thinking about studying for that midterm, however, i haven't really accomplished much. i read over some stuff this morning, but i didn't get much further.
 i put a load of laundry in the washer, went to work, came home, got on the computer, ate, went to wal-mart, and now i'm back on the computer. where are my priorities??
not on my western civ exam thats fo sho! 


ever had those moments when your just like wtf just happened
i've been having those a lot lately. 
like when this drunk came into work today badgering me about fresh potato wedges then literally mid sentence just walked away. 
wtf?
or when you text this guy you like for something totally stupid  and you expect a super nice answer and you get some dip shit answer.
wtf?
maybe its me. maybe i just attract losers. people who don't call/text back. creepy people in wal-mart, and old men. its like i have a magnet planted in my head that they are drawn to. 
this thought pattern is depressing me. 
any who.. i have school tomorrow. that thought is finally refreshing. i can't get over how amazing it is to actually enjoy going to school. (with the exception of western civ of course)


what about you, where is somewhere refreshing you enjoy going? 


p.s: for those of you who read this.. if you haven't noticed, the past couple of post have ended with a question.. you could answer it. you know. if you feel so led :)  



Monday, October 10, 2011

speaking of..

i went to wal mart last night on a mission to get some much needed shampoo and conditioner. i got the shampoo and conditioner, and sweat pants, and Ben and Jerry's FroYo. 
geez one guy doesn't call me back and i have a meltdown. 
i jest, i jest. i didn't have a meltdown. i just really wanted  ice cream and the sweats are super comfy! 
it just ironically came to pass that i bought them on the same weekend that that one said guy didn't call me back. 
speaking of the opposite sex, i was telling my grandmaw about how when i sit there and think about boys it stressing me out and that i believe i spend to much of my time doing that. 
her reply was that it was natural at my age and that if i wasn't thinking about boys she would be concerned.
speaking of my grandmaw, i went to her house today to visit since it had been awhile. 
when i got there she was pulling weeds, talk about perfect timing. i helped her finish up and then she asked if i ever got the trash up out of my car ( that she bought me). i played around the question. 
yea, its not that bad right now. well long story short we picked the trash up, changed the seat covers, washed the floor mats, flushed and refilled the antifreeze, put oil in the.. wherever oil goes and we are still not done! myrtle needs a filter and power steering fluid AND the freaking tag needs to be updated. 
*if anybody rats me out to the cops i will hunt you down and destroy you* i'm working on it! 
i love my grandmaw. i'm sorta complaining because that wasn't exactly what i had in mind when i set out over there, but then again she's on top of it and gets things taken care of that i didn't even know needed taking care of. 
speaking of something else... the SKILLET concert is this friday and of course i'm attending :) 
words cannot express how excited i am! a few days a friend of mine asked me what songs i wanted them to play the most. thats not a fair question. i want them to play them all! muhaha. i'm a greedy panhead. 
if i had to pick one i think it would the the last night . its from the comatose album and holds a special place in my heart. it was basically my favorite song when i was going through my.. rough time or whatever the heck ya wanna call it. if you don't listen to Skillet, go now. if you don't like them, don't ever talk to me. it just won't work out. here's a video of skillet awesomness! p.s : John Cooper is my Justin Beiber.. so back off. 

Sunday, October 9, 2011

confessions (what's inside my head)

(for those of you who don't get the reference of the title, its a RED song. go listen to them. they are awesome! ) 


lately i have felt just .. blah. what else is knew? well i take that back, not really blah, more like.. frustrated. 
frustrated with me and my life. i have expressed this before and i will express it again. it seems like my life is stuck in slow motion while everybody else is going at the speed of light. 
you the saying "live everyday like its your last". yea, i'm def not doing that. i procrastinate to much, first off. 
i have no idea what i want to do with my life.. i know what i DON'T want to do. but that doesn't really help me pick a college major. 
also on the subject of my feelings.  i realized that i have this bad habit of being a liar. or something close to it. i often feel hypocritical. what do you mean? 
as you know, i'm a christian. i stand by my beliefs but, i feel like i make choices and do things sometimes that would make people think less of me. and thats where the lying comes in. i lie about the bad decisions and choices because i don't want people to think less of me. 
like.. when i cuss. most of the time it just slips out.. way to easily i might add. the other day i dropped the F bomb in front of my mom and i thought she was going to choke. 
and smoking is something else i've been dealing with lately. 
the first time i tried smoking i was sure i would never do it again. wrong. not saying that i'm addicted to cigarettes. but i kinda enjoy them every once in a while. (i probably shouldn't be confessing this, but i'm tired of feeling like i'm living two different lives) i enjoy mint. and cigarettes come in mint flavored. i kinda feel like Audrey Hepburn at times when the smoke lingers out of my mouth. i know its frowned upon, esp in my situation, but i have to say, honestly, i'm the kinda person who can take them or leave them. i've only bought on pack in my entire life. i usually bum them off people :) 
i think there comes a time in life when you have to establish who you are. i've been trying to do that for 18 years now and lately i feel like i'm failing. 
i enjoy some country music. there i said it. 
sometimes babies are cute.. i still don't want to squeeze one out of my secret place though. 
i like Starbucks. 
i like stretching my ears. 
and i like the blonde streak in my hair. 
i have been getting ragged about it lately and its pissing me off! its my freaking hair. and they are my ears. leave me alone. and i will more than likely get a tattoo in this lifetime, so go ahead and grab a barf bag. i try not to be an uptight person.. but being around stiffs all the time makes me anxious. i don't like being anxious. i like smiling and acting crazy. i can't do that when i don't feel like Emily. 


ever feel like that? 


Thursday, September 29, 2011

woke up smiling... cheesy to tha max!

i slept like a baby rock last night :) 
i love those nights when i sleep good, doesn't everybody? 
but i also enjoy having a super duper great dream and remembering it! so when you wake up you don't think "ugh, i have to go to work today" you smile and think "man i wish that would really happen outside my head"
hopefully thats foreshadowing a good day. this whole week has been sucky, for lack of better word. 
a few good things happened:
got my car back... still needs work done, but at least its back to me. 
i am maintaining an A in my communications class. 
pop quiz on monday.. A 
i'm sure some other stuff happened as well, but i can't call them to memory right now. 
oh yea one more thing. 
you know how somehow i put videos on here.. well they are on my youtube channel.. one of them has over 200 views :) i was encouraged by that. 


quick update on my life:check
i'm gonna attempt to make some kind of video with this web cam.. wish me luck! 


Saturday, September 24, 2011

everyday i'm shuffling with Jerry and Jane

"everyday i'm shuffling" 
beast song. 

i'm annoyed. 
you (mr./mrs. not going to be mentioned) are getting on my last freaking nerves. you walk into the room and i'm busting through the walls, trying to get out. don't breathe, its loud and sounds disgusting, don't move, and do not speak. oh please don't speak to me. to communicate with you is driving me up and over the mountain. and i'm falling in slow motion so i'm not going to hit the ground for a while. this drawn out torture might just as well be the death of me. 

i wanna get lost in a love song and slowly drift away in the setting sun with my other half. how cheesy does that sound? but on the flip side it sounds amazing and novel. to love, like Jane Eyre, for example, would be amazing, don't cha think? not this trashy Jerry Springer crap most people have. 
i'm tired of bull crap... not just on the topic of the other sex.. i'm stale. 
poor myrtle is falling apart. for those of you who don't know.. myrtle is my car. i feel like i am barely keeping up with school and i don't hardly remember to talk with God until the day is done or when i need something.. how great is that? not to great.. 
"put another x on the calendar, summers on its death bed.." P.@.D
if you don't listen to panic at the disco.. you suck. go listen to them now!!! 

Friday, September 23, 2011

webcam creeepin

never-mind.
 i had this whole rant i was going to go on about how my life sucks right now and how its really bringing me down. but what else is new?
today is not going to bring me down! 
i will put on a  good song and jam it out. 
i'm sitting in the student center trying to figure out how the roman republic fell. i hate history as of right now. there is a reason its in the past. just let it be! 
why don't they educate us on whats going on in the world now! honestly, i have no idea whats going on. other than the fact that everything is too expensive. 

please excuse the girl in the background.. she probably saw the webcam flash and thought i was creepin'. lol! yes, i know i'm so weird. 
but i wanted to prove to you that i was actually studying.. and drinking a Starbucks energy drink. and listening to music. i am a good muti-tasker. 
plus they say photos on your blog produces more traffic! 

Friday, September 16, 2011

crisp cool meltdown

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that right there... all that.. up there.. that is the result of me molesting my keyboard. 
and i'm pretty sure thats an accurate representation of whats going on in my brain. 
i have a test in my next class thats pretty important.. i will refresh my brain after i upload a sucky blog post :) 
or maybe not.. maybe i won't upload this because its so sucky.   

"my oh my what a beautiful day outside.." it is a beautiful day. its fall! the crisp, cool breeze is so refreshing. i'm wearing jeans to school today and its so comfy! despite the fact that i had starbucks this morning i could use a nap.. 
my nose is having a spaz attack! i just sneezed like 5 times in a row. 
this is going nowhere. 
these post have been lacking very much so.. i apoligize. i'll try harder. 
i keep telling people that and i really haven't been been... story. of. my. life.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"victory is mine"

have you ever known a person and all you have to do is look at them and feel disgusted? 
of course you have... its only natural. 
i have a handful of people that fall under that category. i think it would be awesome if you could just march right up to them, get all in their grill, and be like "i. don't. like. you.", and calmly walk away.
no girl fight where clothes and hair start flying.. just a a simple, strong, stern message of your discontent with them and then bam! the whole ordeal is over. they are out of your life forever. 
ahh. they could capture the incident, bottle it, and sell canned victory
i'd buy it :) course i wouldn't have too cause its my idea, so i'd be the one selling it to you. 
would you buy it?


any who.. 
actually there is no any who tonight.. 



Sunday, September 11, 2011

me and tim being unproductive in the bed

so i have this siatic nerve issue that starts at my lower back, runs through my butt and down my left leg. if you're thinking that sounds painful and awkward all at once then you were thinking right.  it is very awkward and painful. it flares up for a while then it will go away.. flares up.. goes away.. vicious circle of death. but enough about that...
let's talk about me. 
lets talk about how lazy i am. my room turned upside down ( as usual.. which wouldn't really bother me, but it causes so much freaking turmoil in at my house that its just an extra irritation), i have neglected studying for a straight week now, and yesterday when i got off work i planned to come home and work on those things. 
that didn't happen. me and Tim laid in bed all night watching dumb netflix movies. and i say dumb because we started like 3 and didn't watch any of them fully. we were sucky at picking out movies last night.
i just last motivation for anything. 
even now i wanna go straighten my hair but i have can't muster up any energy.
blahh..
i am going to eat smilie fries and.. probably watch tv or something else totally unproductive :)

Friday, September 2, 2011

a librarian and a English teacher walk into a bar...

i'm just going to pitch a tent and move into the library. not that i'm complaining.. i love the library :) 
as i've said before, i often fantasize about being a librarian. 

today i didn't have my western civ class. we were supposed to come to the library and look up topics for our research paper. i went to eat lunch with Rachel and one of her cooking chums. now i'm in the library checking Facebook, blogging, and then! i will start working on school work. ( you can clearly see where my priorities lay.. esp., since i'm listening to music on top of all of that) 

i'm not quite sure what i set out to blog about, however, isn't that the beauty of this blog? most of the time there is no point and you still enjoy reading it. and if there is no point, sometimes i find a point in the midst of typing away like a crazy women. 
we have been going over comma's in English for the past week. worksheets, lecture's, the whole nine yards. it struck a thought in me.. what would my teacher say if he read my blog?
would he freak out and have a heart attack because of all the grammar errors i make? not to mention all the misspelled words. not saying i'm going to ask or try to clean my act up on here.. well maybe a little. i mean if i do ever decide to seriously write something, i'm sure good grammar will come in handy. but who knows? i can't even get two pages into a story without boring myself to tears. i'm not very good at making up stories.
now a lie, that's a different story;) 

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

noisy food in the library



the reading room
i really want to eat my crackers.. but i'm in the reading room at the library .. not only is it dead silent in here ( of course its just me) but its the library, and crackers are like the noisiest food in the world! i really should pick a more quite snack...
ok well this chick just literally came in popping gum.. i should start rustling my crackers out of spite.
but i'm not because Jesus wouldn't do that.. actually Jesus would probably be outside, sitting on the grass teaching and eating quite foods like bread. that sounds amazing, doesn't it? ( please note there is no sarcasm in that) in the very least the bread part sounds amazing right now. if you haven't picked up.. i'm hungry. i had the middles of pop tarts this morning and thats it.
did she just say the middles? 
yes, i did..they weren't cooked so i didn't eat the edges because that's just nasty. and since i was driving to school eating i just casually dropped them out the window. like a Hanzel and Gretel trail for me to find my home with. ( if you recall my first day of school, that might actually be helpful in the traffic circle! haha. i'm pretty sure i've mastered it now :)

i seriously need to be studying.. but of course i'm not.
i have my world religions quiz this morning, it was so easy. i made a hundred :)
i have had a lot mess on my mind lately which has led me to make a few dumb decisions. i've been beating myself up over it. but time ( and God) heals all wounds. that sounds drastic, doesn't it?
haha. sorry its nothing bad.. like i didn't go out and sleep with a man whore and then do a couple of lines with him on his passed out girlfriends compact.
anyways.. even if i did do that you wouldn't want to know about it, would you?
yes you would ;)
trust me.. if i ever sleep with a man whore and do crack you'll be the first to know.

delayed work of genius

so, i wrote this on monday.. the internet connection was being gay. its nothing of genius, however, if you feel so led read on :)

i have a slight headache in the top lefthand corner of my brain. i hate these types of headaches.. so annoying.
any who..
friday i took my first western civ quiz. i bombed it with a c-, but thats ok. in my communications class we got our quiz grades back from last week.. i made an a :) 
wednesday i have my first quiz in world religions and on friday my first exam in communications ( yes, i know i should be studying. i will, eventually!)

tonight i went to this prayer group at my church. its a group of about 7-8 ladies and the talk ( obviously) and pray. ( duh, its a prayer group) i never thought about attending until last week when i was chatting with God on my way to school and it just kept coming up in me. i picked up on it that God wanted me to go, so i went and it was pretty cool. lately i feel like my walk is becoming a little stronger. the hunger is growing a little deeper. i keep giving thought to my future and i sometimes it just gets to be to much to think about. i know my heart is now fully set on going to missouri after this year is complete. the rest is in God's hands. i want to make a difference and to be made useful. i know the only way to achieve that is with is help. 
i keep mulling over the idea of a youth pastor.. or just working with youth. i of course i have my doubts, and i feel like when i tell people that they don't take me serious. ( i can see why, i suppose) negative feedback doesn't help.. esp coming from friends. today i was challenged : "can i ask why?" 
yes you can! 
my response was basically: i want to help girls, or anybody going through the crap i went through. i want to reach out and tell them that there is a better way. of course my testimony is on here and i stand by it all the time. and who knows.. maybe God doesn't want me to be a youth pastor.. i think the first step is just trying to figure out what major i'm supposed to take! 

Saturday, August 27, 2011

my love life and webcam photos

a huge boulder has been lifted from my shoulders.. Tim finally has proper software!! *throws confetti and pops some bubbly* 
it cost me literally a whole paycheck, but thats ok. it was worth it! i'm a bit more prepared for college.. and thats what counts right? 


to restate the obvious.. yes i know this hasn't been very well kept up.
but i have good reasons! 
-school
-work
-working on my love life..           
and by that i mean there is this really cute guy in one of my classes and i got two nods from him the other day. two nods! woot woot. progress. baby steps. 
and my two year crush is going well too. there is progress :) however, it seems like whenever we get alone. we aren't alone. awkwardness just circles around us like cancer. i hate the awkwardness. it's like that part in Ricky Bobby.. "i don't know what to do with my hands" baby steps. but i'm not getting any younger here.. i'm tired of taking baby steps.. geez dude just ask me on a date. i don't wanna freaking marry you. any who.. 


me and my little sister have been entertaining ourselves the past couple of days with the webcam and its effects.. 


this is my.. i'm going to eat your children face 


i should not have smoked that.. 

trim spa before...




after.