Does Mother Nature have a period?

I just want to rip my hair out of my head, punch something, and scream at the top of my lungs. 

Ladies, can we please talk, for just a second, about how annoy it is that for the week or so before your period, and you feel like a raging lunatic?! Or is it just me? And then it finally hits you and you kinda mellow out, but your insides are being ripped and crushed my some invisible evil. 
Mother Nature sure is a *#$^!. 
But, we already knew all that, didn't we? 

Obviously I am enduring this week before, which has gotten worse for me since I've gotten older. ( I really need to see a doctor, huh? For mine and Israel's sake. ) 
I just feel like I wanna snap on anything or anybody who crosses my path. The other day this girl looked at me, literally all this poor girl did was LOOK at me, and I turned into the Hulk. Umm excuse me, please so not look at me like that. Would you like me to push you down the stairs?? Also, your haircut makes your head look big. 

 I hate being a woman. 

I am up this late because I am throwing a party for my friend tomorrow; she is 9 years cancer free!! Whoo-hoo! Totally something worth celebrating in my book. I am trying to get my house in order for the event, but I need to take a second and breath before I smashed all the dishes. 

I feel like I have been running around in endless circles (is that too repetitive?) for months now. My brain is fried. Today I skipped not one but two classes, and I feel no guilt. I actually had a couple of hours where I vegged, and when I caught myself I felt guilty for some unbeknownst reason. This semester cannot end sooner. Just one more week of classes, and then exams, and I am home free! Until January, where I have a 9 a..m  spanish. It literally never ends. 

This song just came on my Spotify; it's one of my favorites. I will leave you with this soulful piece, since I killed you with my hormonal outrage :p 

adults worry about growing up too pt.1

This morning, as well as yesterday.. in fact now that I think about it, I've been feeling like this for a while now. 

Often, I get this fear that I'm losing myself, which immediately brings this panic of "do I really know who I am?" Of course, this may just be left over teenage insecurities? Or is that wishful thinking? Don't adults worry about growing up too? I believe it stems from not wanting to get to the end of your life and have regret. It's easy to get caught up in the hype and pressure of "YOLO" and "carpe diem." Live life to the fullest and squeeze everything you can out of it. The sad part comes from all the limitations that we face, and even create for ourselves. 

Lately, I just feel trapped in this box. The crazy thing is that the box has windows and a door, I just don't know how to get out. I'm making myself stay in this place where I feel helpless. And then on top of that I think, your problem is that you spend too much time thinking about yourself. If you can get out of your head, you'd be ok. I believe me, too. I know that small problems can be just that, small, hardly a problem. But if you spend too much time chewing and mulling it over that it turns into this huge monster and you don't even want to get out of the bed in the morning. 

Whew, life sucks and then you die, huh? 

Sorry to lay this on you, but I feel like if I don't get it out I'll just keep chewing and mulling. And quite frankly, I don't have time to spiral into depression right now. The end of school has popped up and so have papers and tests. I am so ready for break, I can taste it. Yummy. 

Life Update...

I haven't wrote anything on here in so long that I honestly thought about starting a new blog. I figured that since I was married now, that would be a good stopping and re-starting spot. BUT then I slapped myself ( not really) because I realized that would defeat the purpose of this blog: to document my journey, my life. 

Quick update, school is back in session: all of my teachers are trolls ( except the hottie with a body bowling coach. yes, I am taking bowling. yes i get a credit for it. ) Classes are good, so far I really only enjoy my literature class. 

Wedding planning dominates the other half of my life. The big day is coming up quick and I am so excited. I still have a full head of hair, so I'd say things are going pretty good. I am, however, just now starting to get aggravated that this shindig is only one day. As much time, effort and MONEY as we are putting into it, you'd think it was a week long, county wide celebration. 

OH, I got a job! Thats noteworthy. I am a cashier at a local cafe on main st. If it was anymore novel, my feet wouldn't be able to touch the ground. 

Thats the broad whatnots going on with me. How are you? How has your week been? 
You probably won't answer, but I do care. I hope you who read this are doing good. 

Random bunny trail, I have become quite entertained by these "vine" sensations. If you haven't seen any, you are missing out my friend. One of my top 5 favorites is: 

I have not the energy to bore you with my troubles as I thought I would post, instead I will leave you with 7 seconds of senseless funny. 

Went to Chapel and We got Marrrrriiiiieeedddd

This post is mainly for my Facebook population, but also for the rest of the world that reads my story. 

Yesterday (June 25 2013) I got married! 

Just let THAT sink in. 

I married my best friend and I couldn't possibly happier. (Well, if I didn't have to wait three days for the honeymoon I'd be somewhat happier.) We had a short and sweet ceremony at the church and then had the attendees back at our place for some food and.. video games. We mainly did this because we were living together already and we did want to right that wrong before God. We figured we're going to do it anyway, we might as well! 

Saying that, we are still having that big ceremony/par-tay in October! 

The ceremony yesterday was just what my pastor called the "I Do" portion. We said hopelessly romantic vows and sealed the deal. (too saucy a phrase?) It was short, but so sweet. I cried the entire time. I tried desperately to hold them back and the more I tried, the more they flowed. 
In that place with Israel and our close guests, I felt God with us and I felt his blessing. I am overjoyed at  starting this new chapter in my life. It was perfect. 
One of the happiest days of my life, and the best part is I get to do it twice! 

Life Goes On

I have become so obsessed with youtube, facebook, and instagram.. oh and pinterest, that i have totally forgotten to write about my life. Which, in your case my be a good thing. 


October is nipping at my heels and there is still so much to do for the marriage celebration! Decorations, flowers, hair, finding the right bra, shoes! In the mix of planning, praying, and trying to force myself to not drink another glass of coke, I am going through the growing pains of becoming the person I never expected to be at this point. 
I am 20 years old, getting married, and I have a cat!! Yes, a cat, named Oliver. (He's a rescue and he is a nice cat, who recently got a bow tie and looks adorable!) 
Panning out my own life is a struggle sometimes, trying to pan it out, plan, look into the future with somebody else requires more than writing out your feelings on the internet.  On one hand it's not so bad because my best friend will always be there with me, but on the other hand, it's dooming because you feel like if you go down, you are taking that other person with you. 
I never thought I'd be here. Of course, we all can say that about some point in our lives. I feel like the decisions that I have made lately will take me on a course that I never dreamed of. Which is not bad. It seems scary and I'm scared of crashing to my death, but just before I hit the rocks, God picks me up again. I am trusting in him to make my life something beautiful. 
To be honest, I have a fear of my life, my story being boring, pointless, but I pray everyday that that doesn't happen. Getting married is a huge milestone for anybody; but for me I had, at one time, a notion that it would hold me back, that my life would just stop and everything I wanted for me would never happen. But I have spent time and time again with God pouring my heart out, telling him my fears, asking for help, and I am ready to spend my life with Israel. We aren't perfect, but we aren't alone. All of the things I wanted for me I can have with him and together, we can experience so much more. 

*hands out tissues* *steps off of pulpit* 

first post of 2013

The past month/ new year has flooded my brain with so much confusion that sometimes I just feel numb. To be perfectly honest with you. 

Yesterday, I got to thinking (naturally..) what if I'm just bored with my life? I felt this terrible sense of dread, yet at the same time knew I wasn't scared of anything. I just feel so weighed down by the mundane that has become my life. So many changes have taken place, and everything is starting to settle and my inner self is screaming at the top of her lungs WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU SURE WE ARE READY FOR THIS??! 

And everyday I hang my head a little lower and say I have no clue. 

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that are going great! 

However, we, as mere mortals, all know that the bad almost always outshines the good. 

I never pictured I'd be where I am today. 

(Story of my life)

But then again, isn't that one of life's greatest mysteries? 

Amongst my inner turmoil, life is in full swing. My second semester at Pembroke is going nicely so far. The only complaints I have so far are brief: 

1. I signed up for an extra online class.. so far = big mistake. 

2. My economics class about brings me to tears everyday because it's so boring. 

3. I got a ticket today because I have yet to get a parking pass. (But I assure you, this problem will be rectified asap.) 

Tuesday Morning

One of my favorite personal pastimes is sitting on the floor writing in my notebook. Obviously I'm not writing in my journal now, but I am sitting on the floor. I've been in my bed all morning and I decided a change of pace would be nice. 
I woke up 45 mins before my alarm went off and it's only 9:07. It feels like it should be 12 by now! 

So far, this morning, I have managed to take goofy pictures of myself, decided to skip class ( its the last week before finals and we are watching a video..), get on facebook, get on pintrest, workout (shocking! I know! I found an easy ab workout on pintrest and since I was feeling lazy decided to give it a go.), and now here I am; sitting on the floor, putting my thoughts out there in cyberspace, oh and listening to George Strait (Don't judge me!). 


I know its been awhile, Thanksgiving has come and gone. I had a great break. The last couple of days, went by too fast though. Now that Thanksgiving is out of the way, we can focus on Christmas!!!!!! 
Ok, I'm not that excited.. 

It's hard to believe that this semester is basically over. All semester I've been waiting for this, and now that its here, I feel like it snuck up on me. However, the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. Yesterday I turned in my final research paper (for this semester). I know I'm speaking for a whole butt load of people when I say that I'll be glad when I get my gen ed credits out of the way and I can start on my Lit classes. After next semestre I should be able to start taking those. 

Now that I have bored you to tears... It's now 9:21. 
I almost feel motivated to clean or do something drastically productive. This is bad. Call the Preist! 

Take It Easy

I am taking the easy (a.k.a  LAZY) way out tonight. 
I've heard these horror stories of college kidz doing "all nighters". that's not really my style. and since i am in this ever-going journey to find out who i am, i don't wanna do something that may not be like me.  

My Eng teacher told us to bring a copy of evidence paragraphs for our next paper to class tomorrow, I haven't even started. And instead of pulling something out of my butt, I'm going to start tomorrow! Hopefully. And technically I have my first claim written, so I have started somewhat. Real sucky start, but we all know I'm not exactly the model student. After a four hour grocery trip with roommates I do not feel like writing about cell phones.. instead I'll write to you about not writing. 
Oh the irony! 

Today has gone by fast.
Which I like. I hate when my days ddrrraaggg on.
And there you have it. I think I have lost my train of thought... 
Also, I think I may have a small fever. 

Tomorrow is HUMP DAY. Unless you're reading this tomorrow and it is HUMP DAY. 
Half-way through the week. Just keep on truckin', we can do this! 

Pumpkin Pie

"You need to blog more."

They like me, they really like me.
I like you too ;)


Not a lot going on lately, I was sick last week and missed a lot of school. Not to mention it was fall break, so I really haven't been to school in a whole week. I'm ready to get back. My brain is going to lock into sleep mode and I'll never the light at the end of the tunnel.

That's about it.

College sucks.

Not having a job sucks.

Once I hit the rock bottom I hope I'll bounce back.

Until them, wish me luck.

I'll try to come back sometime soon with something better.

Because you know what doesn't suck.
Pumpkin Pie! and now that its fall, that stuff its everywhere!!

College+Love=Mind Blown

I have no idea where to start. I have so many thoughts floating around in my head. 

But, as I've mentioned many times before, this IS MY BLOG and I can say whatever I'd like. 

And thank goodness it's not going to be graded! 

My English class is kicking my buttocks. 

My science/weather class has confused me beyond measure. 

My math class is actually going pretty well.. despite how much I hate math. 

My history class is.. well, it's going. 

There are sometimes ( like today when my work in my Eng class was ripped apart and basically scrutinized to poop.) when I feel like dropping out of school. 

But then a little silver lining appears (like when I make B's on my math work) that I feel like I can keep on trucking. 

Today I made a mantra of saying "I hate college." After a little while of that I realized that I don't really hate college, I hate general ed. Classes you have to take because the man says you have to take. When I can take a whole slew of classes I want to take, I think I might be happier.. and then again I could hate those as well. Hopefully we'll find out. You know, if I don't join the circus before then. 

Ok, so that's like 55% of the floating thoughts, the other 45% is my personal, romantic life. 

(which is going pretty good, thanks for asking:) 

Our relationship (me and my boyfriend, that is) is special. And I'm not just saying that because I'm blinded by love. I'm saying that because we have what is classified as a "inter-religious" relationship. 

It's complicated and then again, it's not. 

I'm a christian/Pentecostal and he's a Jehovah's Witness.  

At first it was weird.. and we weren't even sure it was a good idea.. and this is a long and complicated story.. sorta.. anyway, not really the point. 

The point:  Things have gotten really serious in the short amount of time we've know each other/been together. 

We've been playing "the what if and when" game. 

Over the past few days I've also had a lot of those "wow, never thought I'd be here" moments. And with the big, obvious reason it's really been mind blowing. 

Maybe

Maybe I should have stayed..

Maybe I should have gone... 

Maybe I should have ate breakfast.. 

Maybe I should have been more prepared.. 

Maybe these kids in the computer lab should not be on their cell phones...

Maybe I should just drop out of school and run away... 

Maybe I could hitch hike all the way to California, get a waitress job and live from couch to couch until I make it in the big time... 

Or not... 

Maybe I could run away and live off the land, like a pioneer.. 

Or not.. 

Maybe I could run away and meet a genie who would grant me three wishes.. 

That'd be nice... 

I've learned..

I have learned over the past several years ( because I'm so old and wise, I "know things" now) that life is constantly changing. Even if you live in the same dead beat town your whole life, you're always moving to a different stage of life. Sometimes it feels like you've leveled up, and sometimes it feels like you been sent to jail, not passing go, not collecting two hundred dollars. Sometimes you can't even collect two dollars. 

I have also recently learned that you can want something so much you can taste it. And then you get it and it leaves a bitter taste in you mouth. You want to give it back and ask the waitress to bring you tea instead of coke. Well in life, a lot of times there is not waitress to change your order, so you have to sneak back to the kitchen and do it yourself. And then sometimes you get caught by the bus-boy and you have to choke down the coke for the time being. 

Right now I'm at a stage in life where I'm trying to teach myself that sometimes you have to choke down the coke because you might like the taste eventually. Or it could be like beer and no matter how much you try to choke it down your stomach turns and you want to puke. 

If you're wondering where all this is coming from... 

I feel like school is kicking me in the butt right now... more like giving me a swirly in the boys bathroom.

 My first big assignment in my English class was to write a paragraph. Just one paragraph. We worked on them in class, in the lab, and got help from the teacher. I had three drafts of this one stupid paragraph and I got a freaking C. I know it wasn't perfect, but  I felt like my grade could've been a little better. 

Not to mention the first quiz I got a D on. And how bad I'm doing in my math class... 

I hate school. 

I said I wanted to be a English teacher... Umm... Needless to say, I'm rethinking that.     

I feel like giving up on school altogether. 

But I've learned that that just makes it worse.

 I'm choking down bad grades, a rough teacher, this semester, in hope that it will get better.                                                                                                                                                                                                  

College Weenie

I need a job, or at least some structured activites here at college, or i'm afraid I might turn into an even more weenie. To show you what I mean, I have photo evidence of my weenie-ness. Enjoy: 

I know what you're thinking "DANG, can I dem digits?" 

Ladies and Germs, there is no logical excuse for this. 

So far this is what college has done to me. My brain is still mushy from three months of doing nothing, and the aftermath of last semester. I'm not warmed up for critical thinking, analytical math question that are IRRELEVANT in the REAL WORLD, quizzes (pop or planned), or reading assignments. 

As far as the last hour of my college existence I have been glued to pintrest. 

I attempted the Braided Headband". It's soo cute. And since I'm such an avid lover of the braid, I'm trying to spice up my regular side braid. I think it might look better if my hair was curly, but here's my attempt: 

Me, VHS, & a..... Hooker

"Oh, hello. I didn't see you there"

Could there be a more non-natural way to start off a tv segment? 

No.  There cannot be. 

It's been a few days since I graced you with my witty and otherwise not very remarkable internet presence. Over the course of my absence not too many life changing events happened, so don't worry.

To catch you up a little: 

-Last weekend I went to Charleston/ Folly Beach for the first time (I plan to go back). I have family down there... not to mention Charleston is busting at the seams with life, culture, art, history, beauty, and this free sample dessert that was to die for. I almost fell over in the shoppe, literally. (Mostly because of the heat....) 

- This weekend I will be having a Girls retreat at the beach with my bestest gal pals.. well most of them. 

- Yesterday I went thrift store shopping with my boyfriend and I got Grease and Shakespeare in Love for $2!! (VHS, but hey! awesome movies.. and I still have a WHS player) 

-Also this weekend with said boyfriend we built a fort in his living room and watched movies. Yes, I said fort. It was awesome!  On pintrest I found these "date night ideas". Most of them are stay at home (a.ka CHEAP ideas. Which is great when your broker than a one legged hooker).

-Today I am going to see "Magic Mike" with two gal pals. Thinking about it, I sorta feel guilty because its Sunday.. Then I dismissed that thought because I don't wanna talk myself out of it. 

Now I'm on a roll and could keep going, but food is ready and I'm hungry. 

V-CARD

"Dont have sex, you will get pregnant, and DIE!" -coach from Mean Girls 

If you know me outside of this blog, or even inside this blog, you are well aware that I am not to found of babies, nor do I have a desire to have one of my own. Having said that, it should be no big surprise when I say the very thought of getting pregnant scares the hell out of me.  

Now let's jump back to sixth grade health class. Those horrible images of pubic hair morphing in still haunt me to this day. But in that class I learned a very valuable lesson. 

IF YOU HAVE SEX YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE! 

translation: if you have sex you can get pregnant!! 

This very reason, along with the sheer fact that I'm just not ready to "give it up" is why I have not yet had sex. I, Emily Michelle Greene, am still a virgin. 

Your probably wondering "where the heck is all this coming from?"

Ever since I starting dating my wonderful boyfriend I have been bombarded with "concerns" from people who just want me to "do the right thing". 

I'm sorry, the last time I checked, I could cloth myself, dress myself, drive a car, pay taxes, and wipe my own butt. I think I'm perfectly capable of make other PERSONAL big girl decisions on my own. 

If and When I decide upon those things, it should be nobody else's business, except my partner. Not your bothers sisters cousins friend who knows a guy who knows another guy who has this friend who knows this guys cousins sisters boyfriends baby daddy's. 

For all you "concerned" citizens of my sex life (in this case, my non-exsistent sex life), please back off. 

Where Am I?

Holy Crap, it's been a year since I graduated High School! 

(well technically there's like 4 more days to be considered a full year.. but who's counting?) 

I still have a bunch of high school friends on my FB, so I see a lot of the major news. Esp the buzz about Graduation. 

That was a good day. 

Actually, probably the best thing about high school was leaving it. The whole Graduation season is worthy of celebration, it's like Christmas for smart people.. and dumb people, as long as they passed everything! 

It makes me think... It's been a year and where am I? 

I sometimes hate asking myself this question. But sometimes I find positive things and it makes it worthwhile. 

I'm not on the fast track to Missouri, like I'd thought I'd be. Come to think of it I'm not on the fast track to anywhere. And for right now I'm making myself be ok with that. Until I figure out where I am going, it's ok to go slow.

In the past year I have learned some valuable life lessons:

Slacking gets you no where! 

Skipping class in bad! ..well skipping a lot of classes is bad... sometimes it's ok... 

Starting off on the wrong foot is bad! 

Being honest with yourself and others is good! 

Being logical and realistic is good! 

Taking risks is scary and good and an opportunity to lean! ( and get a cute boyfriend :)

I expect better of myself.

Over the course of the day I haven't done much, just to be honest with you. 
(This blog is supposed to be about me and my journey through life... at least that's what I think it's supposed to be about. )
Sometimes I surprise myself at how lazy I can be. Which we all knew that, didn't we? 
My room is a complete disaster. Clothes, clean clothes, are in a pile on the floor, the dirty clothes hamper is full again, my closet kinda exploded on itself and my table and dresser... let's not even go there. 
My bathroom needs cleaning.. not to mention all the stuff that STILL needs to be done for my sister's wedding on SATURDAY! 
I can't start talking about that or I'll be here all night. 


You're probably wondering why I'm blogging instead of cleaning my room or cleaning out wine bottles for the wedding. Stop wondering that! I was messing on the computer and here I am. 
Don't give me that look you know you love spending time with me :) 


Due to certain circumstances I haven't been working a lot lately and school is out, so I haven't been doing much which makes me feel extra lazy! I've kinda gotten into the habit of sleeping a lot and... well that's about it. Sleeping. A lot. 
I'm hoping that once work picks back up I'll have more motivation and not feel like such a waste of space. Plus I'll have some cash flow. Which is always a good sign. "Love that money!" to quote Ricky Bobby. 
I think I can handle work starting back, but I'll admit I'm not ready for school. I finally got everything squared away, classes scheduled and financial aid done. But I'm not mentally prepared. 
Last semester threw me for a loop, to say the least. This summer break I plan on getting myself back on track and ready to tackle school. I had a long talk with myself, well I've had several talks with myself, and I expect better of myself! 

there is a funny cat pic enclosed

Believe it or not there are times when I look in the mirror and I actually like the person staring back. 

There are times when its the end of the day and I'm reflecting, I actually smile and find a lot of things to be thankful for. 

This morning we woke and drove down to the beach to pick up the bridal party dresses for my sister's wedding. Thank God, the dresses fit everybody, however, some of the girls have to have them taken in. Which sounds good, but we have to have them taken in in the chest and depending on how you look at that... it could be seen as a bad thing. I can fit three times the amount of my actual chest in the dress as it stands now, so for me, it's a bit depressing. 

Any who...

At the beach, I can breathe in the salty ocean air and feel the anxiety that harbors in my chest start to fade away. If the circus doesn't work out, the beach is my next destination of choice. 

When I say the beach, unless I specify, I mean Myrtle Beach. And usually the water is dark and brown, but this trip the water was clear and that peaceful blue-green. 

And I just got distracted by something on tv and lost my whole train of thought on where I was going with this... 

The sun, the sand.. it was great. and this makes no since..

WAFFLES! 

on the bright side...

sorry that i've fallen off the grid. the month of march has proved to be a pre young adult-life crisis. 

i haven't had anything too good to say. from my other post you can tell that life has not exactly been a walk in the park. 

well a walk in the park during a hurricane lately. 

ahh that sounds blissful, doesn't it? 

I'd sum it up for you, but I don't have that much time and I don't want to bore you with my "woe is me" stories. 

On the bright side.. um...

Let's see... bright side? 

I've been sick the past two days. Not really a bright tale, but I've def caught up on my tv watching. 

Speaking of tv, I hate tv. There is hardly anything good to watch. 

Whiney teen girls getting knocked up, crazy rich forty year olds drinking all day and wasting there husbands money, and let's not forget, crazy new yorkers with bad tans, pretending to be crazy new jersy-ers with bad tans. 

no wonder the suicide rate in sky rocketing. 

Wish Me Luck

According to Webster's Dictionary, Depression means:b (1) : a state of feeling sad : dejection (2) : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies.
Well that sounds like fun, doesn't it?
Let me answer for you. 
No. Not it does not sound like fun. 
When I was in the ninth grade I went to therapy for a while. I was depressed. I assumed that after getting over suicidal tendencies, I wouldn't be depressed anymore. Well you know what they say about people who assume things.. 
Any who, before you go assuming that I'm fixing to go off myself, I started out with that because I have been feeling depressed lately. However, the skies are clearing up and I'm starting to feel better. But it's had some really bad sad effects. I'm behind in school, like really behind in school. The only class that I've given any real attention to is acting. 
Also, being depressed causes my brain to think, and overthink. Opening the door to doubt every decision I've made thus far. Esp, in regards to Missouri. 
SAY WHAT?!  
Sadly, the thoughts have been there. 
Is this where I really wanna go? 
Am I ready for this?
Do I really want to be that far away? 
The list goes on and on and on and on. Long list. 
For right now, I'm still going. I need to, I think. If I don't all my nightmares could come true. 
In fact they have this college weekend of sorts, EU24. I'm attempting to register now, but the website won't load properly. So in April I will get a taste of what I'm in for. 


Wish me luck!