I'll fly away.. and you can call me Queen B

I almost feel like a hypocrite for going to school to be a teacher ( and gaining a growing passion for it ) and, yet, still hating homework. If all the information just soaked into my head whilst daydreaming in class, I'd have no problems. But seeing as how that never happens, I have to put forth effort. And I am determined to do better, at least some meager attempt.
I'll admit, I'm not the most studious, and I don't like looking like dummy on paper. 

However, clearly I am not doing school work. I was working on spanish and then I thought... hummmmmmmm maybe I'll try that blog thing again. 

On a completely unrelated note I have two songs stuck in my head at the same time. The songs have nothing to do with one another. I just like because they both, respectively, have good hooks. If you are procrastinating from something, take another sec and listen. 

The first one, Royals, I heard on the radio and can't get the beat out of my head. I am a sucker for some good snaps in a song. 

And the second, I head just the other day in a friends' car. You might think, Eww, Dixie chicks, or give a dramatic eye roll as my sister would, actual both of them probably would. Say what you want, we both know that Earl had it coming.  

Enjoy. and goodnight my earthlings. 

Tuesday Morning

One of my favorite personal pastimes is sitting on the floor writing in my notebook. Obviously I'm not writing in my journal now, but I am sitting on the floor. I've been in my bed all morning and I decided a change of pace would be nice. 
I woke up 45 mins before my alarm went off and it's only 9:07. It feels like it should be 12 by now! 

So far, this morning, I have managed to take goofy pictures of myself, decided to skip class ( its the last week before finals and we are watching a video..), get on facebook, get on pintrest, workout (shocking! I know! I found an easy ab workout on pintrest and since I was feeling lazy decided to give it a go.), and now here I am; sitting on the floor, putting my thoughts out there in cyberspace, oh and listening to George Strait (Don't judge me!). 


I know its been awhile, Thanksgiving has come and gone. I had a great break. The last couple of days, went by too fast though. Now that Thanksgiving is out of the way, we can focus on Christmas!!!!!! 
Ok, I'm not that excited.. 

It's hard to believe that this semester is basically over. All semester I've been waiting for this, and now that its here, I feel like it snuck up on me. However, the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. Yesterday I turned in my final research paper (for this semester). I know I'm speaking for a whole butt load of people when I say that I'll be glad when I get my gen ed credits out of the way and I can start on my Lit classes. After next semestre I should be able to start taking those. 

Now that I have bored you to tears... It's now 9:21. 
I almost feel motivated to clean or do something drastically productive. This is bad. Call the Preist! 

me, taylor swift, and israel

SORRY FOR THE ABSENCE!

to be brief and blunt.. i feel like i have fallen off my rocker.
i have come to the conclusion that i don't like school. i i tell you otherwise i'm probably lying. i'm pretty good at that.. or am i? *strokes mustache*

today i have managed to make about 3% progress... as opposed to the 15% i usually try to make.

also today i gave myself a homemade hair cut because i have no money and had absolutely disgusting split ends. however, i have my own scissors, so i just took matters into my own hands. muahahaha.

currently i am listening to Taylor Swift, trying not to fall into the depths of dispair. i've been there a lot lately(hence fallen off rocker)
i am having a hard time adjusting and demons from my past.. that never really stayed in my past have caught up with me. before i reach suicidal breakdown mode again, i contacted my schools counseling service and i'm seeing someone. i just started and so i've really only complained about my english teacher (who is the devil's spawn, btw) apparently i have to figure out what "emily wants". what's going to make her happy? and i'll have you know, i told her my circus idea and she did not object!!!

but enough of that..

tomorrow will mark 6 months of dating Israel. ( a.k.a jeremiah, jerusalem, moses...)
i'm honest to goodness happy about this. yes, of course he makes me jump for joy and goo goo eyed, but over all he makes me content, which makes me happy. i feel like this is one of the most stable things in my life right now. most people don't get that, and people probably think we're crazy, which we probably are, but that works for us.

on an ending note, that's a life lesson i've recently learned: different things work for different people. relationships, school, work, dog preference.. and so on. we have no right to judge what others do.. even that's hard a lot of times. "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" 

Earthlings and Tom Petty

GREETINGS EARTHLINGS! 

I was going to write this whole thing in caps, but I decided not to scream at you for a brief amount of time. To answer your question, no I am not dead and have not been eaten by a pack of savage wolfs. I have just been neglecting my self appointed blogging duties. 

I'm finally moved into my apartment at school! And I must say it's a pretty sweet hook-up. 

Classes do not start until tomorrow, so my brain still feels like mush. I have three classes tomorrow and I'm pretty sure that by the afternoon I'll feel like I've been beat in the head. 

I planned to walk to campus sometime today to walk around and get my bearings, but so far that plan has epicly failed. I've taken a shower, ate lunch with my roommates, and talked to my boyfriend. Walking around in the heat, not knowing where I'm going, just has not yet proved to be an exciting plan. I think I've talked myself into waiting until evening, so it'll be cool.

Right now I'm sitting at a ill angle typing away and listening to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Have I told you about my latest obsession with Tom Petty? It's been so long, I can't remember.

I'm convinced that all there stuff is good. So go to youtube (or spotify if you have it) type in Top Petty and the Heartbreakers and listen to everything!! 

my inner hippie is swooning 

Stevie Nicks: I'm going to join The Heartbreakers 

Tom Petty: but there are no girls in the Heartbreakers 

Go Clean Your Room

I live in an apartment.
It's one of the nicer complexes in the area, however, it has problems.
Like they have this nasty habit of doing inspections. 


If your like me, your all like " WTF?"

WTF?
Seriously, bro?

I completely understand that they want to keep it clean in and blah, blah, blah..
But for someone who doesn't regularly make the bed, it's downgrading to have somebody with a bad haircut and a clipboard tell you when to clean your room. And the bathroom. AND make your bed.
I used to think that I'd be happy always living in the apartment scene.
Now I realize the joys of having your own house.
Nobody to tell you when to clean your room.

And yes, I'm fully aware of how lazy this makes me sound.
But laziness is one of my finest attributes, which is why you love me :)

Also.. on a completely unrelated note. I'm watching the CMT music awards and Journey is performing with Rascal Flatts ( is there one "T" or two?)
First off... Why is journey playing with them??
Second.. what's with the asian?  However, I have to admit, he's good.
Taylor Swift didn't win anything :(  I was sad. 

i hate growing up

"I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare. I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair." - Simple Plan 

When exactly do you stop being considered a kid? 
12, when you're not supposed to order off the kids menu anymore? 
16, when you start driving?
18, when you are "legal"?
21, when you can buy booze?
When you stop sitting at the kids table at family dinners? 
When you have kids yourself? 


I've knocked the first three off my list ( even though I still eat off the kids menu sometimes), but sometimes I still feel like a little kid. When kids are little all they..err.. we... dream of is growing up.
Driving, making money, not having so much authority to answer to. Only once we get "grown up" ourselves we realize that all the money we make on our own goes into the car so that we can drive. And the authority we answer to are fat white people on capitol hill, who take the rest of the money we make, that's not in the gas tank.
Can I get an AMEN?! 
I'm not even at full "grown up" status and I'm ready to book it back to the kids table.
Mostly because all my money is in the gas tank, I've realized that I hate making my own decisions, I still can't have booze, and I'm terrified to have my own children. 


Let me back track... Sometimes I like making my own decisions. But when it comes to the big stuff like college or a job or life choices, I secretly think it would be easier if I had somebody to tell me what to do.


All this was inspired from listening to Simple Plan's "Grow up". Thanks, Simple Plan for depressing me on growing up. I got to thinking about how much things really suck now that I'm more aware of the world I live in. And yesterday I had the quick thought that I was going to run out of time. Like now that I am growing up and I've realized there are so many things I'd like to do and accomplished, I may not get the chance to do everything. 
I quickly put that thought away... 

College and Christmas

"the sound of my heart pounding tells me there's still hope."

-icon for hire. 

Good band all around. Go check them out. Buy their cd, they are still starting out, go show your support!

survived my first semester of college and only had to drop one class. and i'm almost positive i passed everything else with and A or B. i'm sweating it out until grades come in though.

one more semester to go and then Hello Evangel! 

speaking of next semester.. my smart self took English 112, research papers, and western civ in the same semester. now this doesn't seem like a problem, but seeing as how i dropped western civ last semester because i could keep up, i'm starting to rethink.

take it all in stride.. until the pressure becomes to much and i have a breakdown!! 

in other news, the Christmas season is in full swing; suffocating the life out of me. in the true spirit of Christmas, my uncle Jimmy is down from NY and he has this exciting habit of dressing up like Santa. he looks legit too. beer belly, beard and all. last night we went out to dinner.. ohh yea, you know where this is going. he dressed as Santa. and it wasn't really that embarrassing.. it was amazing to watch all these random children flock to him. some of the kids were smiling so hard they couldn't see straight. and the parents showed no precaution, they were dragging them to uncle Jim.

i don't get it.. i mean, don't you think the whole idea of Santa is creepy. "he knows when you are sleeping, he knows when your awake.." sounds like a creeper to me. i can just imagine a big fat guy getting all cheery as he watches me take a shower.

that's why grown ups don't believe in Santa!

procrastinator's guide to productivity #1

"when i'm spinning, your love is like a rock" 
this specific part of  this song is on repeat in my head right now. 
it's simple truth is what i need right now. just simplicity. i feel like i have made a mess of life. 
my direction is.. foggy, if you will.  i'm sure we all feel like that at times, but i've noticed that this happens to me a lot more frequently than it should. so..
i am taking action! i am taking back my life. i will not let depression eat me alive! 
i will write my English paper
i will clean my room
i will drink more water
i will donate toys for Christmas
i will read more
i will pray more
i will do more


this list is just a few of the things i thought would jump start my journey of self improvement. i have convinced myself that if i get off my butt and do something, other than worrying about my problems, that i will feel better and make my life a little bit more productive. 
don't we all need a little more productivity in our lives? 
what are you going to do to make your life more productive? 

for all us victims to social networking

confessions (what's inside my head)

(for those of you who don't get the reference of the title, its a RED song. go listen to them. they are awesome! ) 


lately i have felt just .. blah. what else is knew? well i take that back, not really blah, more like.. frustrated. 
frustrated with me and my life. i have expressed this before and i will express it again. it seems like my life is stuck in slow motion while everybody else is going at the speed of light. 
you the saying "live everyday like its your last". yea, i'm def not doing that. i procrastinate to much, first off. 
i have no idea what i want to do with my life.. i know what i DON'T want to do. but that doesn't really help me pick a college major. 
also on the subject of my feelings.  i realized that i have this bad habit of being a liar. or something close to it. i often feel hypocritical. what do you mean? 
as you know, i'm a christian. i stand by my beliefs but, i feel like i make choices and do things sometimes that would make people think less of me. and thats where the lying comes in. i lie about the bad decisions and choices because i don't want people to think less of me. 
like.. when i cuss. most of the time it just slips out.. way to easily i might add. the other day i dropped the F bomb in front of my mom and i thought she was going to choke. 
and smoking is something else i've been dealing with lately. 
the first time i tried smoking i was sure i would never do it again. wrong. not saying that i'm addicted to cigarettes. but i kinda enjoy them every once in a while. (i probably shouldn't be confessing this, but i'm tired of feeling like i'm living two different lives) i enjoy mint. and cigarettes come in mint flavored. i kinda feel like Audrey Hepburn at times when the smoke lingers out of my mouth. i know its frowned upon, esp in my situation, but i have to say, honestly, i'm the kinda person who can take them or leave them. i've only bought on pack in my entire life. i usually bum them off people :) 
i think there comes a time in life when you have to establish who you are. i've been trying to do that for 18 years now and lately i feel like i'm failing. 
i enjoy some country music. there i said it. 
sometimes babies are cute.. i still don't want to squeeze one out of my secret place though. 
i like Starbucks. 
i like stretching my ears. 
and i like the blonde streak in my hair. 
i have been getting ragged about it lately and its pissing me off! its my freaking hair. and they are my ears. leave me alone. and i will more than likely get a tattoo in this lifetime, so go ahead and grab a barf bag. i try not to be an uptight person.. but being around stiffs all the time makes me anxious. i don't like being anxious. i like smiling and acting crazy. i can't do that when i don't feel like Emily. 


ever feel like that? 

everyday i'm shuffling with Jerry and Jane

"everyday i'm shuffling" 

beast song. 

i'm annoyed. 

you (mr./mrs. not going to be mentioned) are getting on my last freaking nerves. you walk into the room and i'm busting through the walls, trying to get out. don't breathe, its loud and sounds disgusting, don't move, and do not speak. oh please don't speak to me. to communicate with you is driving me up and over the mountain. and i'm falling in slow motion so i'm not going to hit the ground for a while. this drawn out torture might just as well be the death of me. 

i wanna get lost in a love song and slowly drift away in the setting sun with my other half. how cheesy does that sound? but on the flip side it sounds amazing and novel. to love, like Jane Eyre, for example, would be amazing, don't cha think? not this trashy Jerry Springer crap most people have. 

i'm tired of bull crap... not just on the topic of the other sex.. i'm stale. 

poor myrtle is falling apart. for those of you who don't know.. myrtle is my car. i feel like i am barely keeping up with school and i don't hardly remember to talk with God until the day is done or when i need something.. how great is that? not to great.. 

"put another x on the calendar, summers on its death bed.." P.@.D

if you don't listen to panic at the disco.. you suck. go listen to them now!!! 

i went shopping with fleetwood mac

my day was really good. i left school and it kinda turned into one of those "i need a drink" days. 

the song "second hand news" by fleetwood mac is by far amazing :) i don't know 100% what they are talking about.. but i know it makes feel good inside and thats good enough for me. 

"won't you lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff" :)

i bought a sweater for 10 dollars. 

and another cardigan.. and some pretty bracelets. and everything was under 10. plus 30% off. oh yea i did good :) 

tim and reliant k in my bed.. say what?!

so me and Tim are just chilling here in bed listening to Reliant K. they are a pretty cool band. if you haven't ever listened to them i encourage you to check them out. (mood rings is my favorite song! however thats not the one i was listening to.) 

the beach was awesome.. shady hotel and all. speaking of said hotel... let me tell you about my bra. 

ok, so technically i bought three including hers..

i have this black one thats my favorite right now ( too much?) anywho i was wearing that and took it off sat night and threw it on the table with the rest of my stuff... on sunday i woke up and showered and just put on my bathing suite. later that day changing back to regular clothes i went to get my favorite black bra.. omg!  i freaking left if at the shady hotel!! went running threw my mind then out of my mouth. i was seriously up tight. yes, i had a spare. i called my mom and told her and she was like oh i got it. 

whew. thank God for moms, right? 

so needless to say the day at the beach was an adventure. i swan like a mermaid, got good sun, did some shopping, and drove a lot. it was awesome. 

shopping is fun.. but it can get you in trouble fast if you have no filtration. i have some but i almost lost it. i went nuts buying sunglasses. i only got two pair, but thats a lot to buy in just one day. 


.. i just had like a super good paragraph wrote.. and Tim keeps getting bumped off the internet.. ughh!! 
maybe this is karma.. humm.. 
i have lost the urge to ramble so i'm not retyping. i may or may not revisit that thought tomorrow. well i just looked at the clock it technically is tomorrow. 


go listen to reliant k and then go to bed.. thats an order! 

little ditty about emily and muffins! oh and the bathroom!

this morning has been a great morning. its mornings like this that convince me i won't turn into a basket case living alone. 

i woke up to the apartment empty ( except a note asking me to vacuum!).

after my morning piss ( we all have one!) i retreated to the living room. 

i turned my music on and did some dibiling on the computer and then i danced around my apartment like a.. well like a basket case. but it was fun! 

sometimes it worries me that i enjoy my time alone so much. when i think about it, most of my favorite activities only involve numero uno?

such as when i was coming home the other night i was jamming out to my ipod on shuffle and i went from listening to Breaking Benjamin to nsync. please don't ask me why nsync is on my ipod! they just are. any why  i was singing along and  i started doing all these different voices and answering the questions in the song with these ghetto answers. i was cracking myself up! i wish i would've recorded it. is that normal? probably not. 

but then again i never confessed to being normal. ( if i did i was tripping hard on something!) 

this is a sorta side note.. breakfast is basically my favorite food time. so this morning i seriously wanted muffins, so i made muffins. and not to brag but they are delicious!! 

i have to go take a shower. i desperately have to wash my hair. it crazy nasty. then i get to go to work! 

yesterday was pretty good ( did i already say that, or was i just thinking i said that)

my computer is excepted to be here by the end of the week! woot woot!

chinese food, scandalous views, navy blue

i only need like 300 more dollars and i'm there! (to my computer, that is)

this whole working for money stuff really isn't as bad as i thought it would be :) 

you work.

you get money.

then you get to buy stuff! 

of course that's after they take out taxes and you pay bills and give your 10% tithe, which i now proudly start doing:)

so if you live in America you probably realized that yesterday was July 4th and around these parts that's kind a big deal. yesterday i had to work and i'm not complaining  about going.. i'm complaining about not doing anything. it was soooo slow. i had maybe three orders to come in. i did some other stuff but i was basically just standing around trying not to fall asleep. i guess my boss could tell because she let me go like two hours early ( Thank God). 

we, being my family and i, had plans to go to this supposed to be big block party type thing and eat and do fireworks. joy. we got there it was a bust. i was frightened to be there. so we left and got Chinese food.

Chinese Food!

me and my little sister.. eating Chinese food!

after we left the Chinese place.. ( how many times can i say Chinese in one post? humm.) it looked like it was going to storm we decided to just go back home because none us liked the idea of watching works of fire in the thunder, lighting, and rain. 

at home i was chilling on the couch upside down.. don't ask why.. i just kinda happened to land that way. it was awesome.

upside view!

yes. yes, i am aware that that picture is scandalous of me. enjoy it :) 

any who the rain let up and we trucked back down to the fireworks. saw the display and came home. it was magical. ( please hint sarcasm) you know what they say about boobs, if you've seen one, you've seen em' all. ( well i assure you that is not true) 

however, i think the saying goes for fireworks.. the displays may be different but its all basically the same. i personally like really loud fireworks. the  BOOM is exciting. and i like it when the sky is pitch black. the colors exploding onto a dark canvas as much more moving to me than after the sun barely has time to go away and its like navy blue. 

oh and on a final note : that song "if i die young" by the band perry.. is great :)