first post of 2013

The past month/ new year has flooded my brain with so much confusion that sometimes I just feel numb. To be perfectly honest with you. 

Yesterday, I got to thinking (naturally..) what if I'm just bored with my life? I felt this terrible sense of dread, yet at the same time knew I wasn't scared of anything. I just feel so weighed down by the mundane that has become my life. So many changes have taken place, and everything is starting to settle and my inner self is screaming at the top of her lungs WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU SURE WE ARE READY FOR THIS??! 

And everyday I hang my head a little lower and say I have no clue. 

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that are going great! 

However, we, as mere mortals, all know that the bad almost always outshines the good. 

I never pictured I'd be where I am today. 

(Story of my life)

But then again, isn't that one of life's greatest mysteries? 

Amongst my inner turmoil, life is in full swing. My second semester at Pembroke is going nicely so far. The only complaints I have so far are brief: 

1. I signed up for an extra online class.. so far = big mistake. 

2. My economics class about brings me to tears everyday because it's so boring. 

3. I got a ticket today because I have yet to get a parking pass. (But I assure you, this problem will be rectified asap.) 

Registering for Classes: Time Frames, Advisors, and the Email

"All the good classes are going to get gone!" 

First off, I'm pretty sure the phrase "get gone" is wrong.. in some parallel universe, you should just not say that. It sounds tacky. (even though I'm sure I've said it before) 

Second off, I signed up for classes in freaking July and still got in to the ones I wanted/needed. 

If you haven't figured out by now, I'm talking about registering for classes. And since everything is on the freaking internet, everybody expects you to do it by yourself. BIG SIGH. 

I hate having responsibility sometimes. 

Apparently there is a time frame for registration, or early registration I should point out, and everybody is freaking out about signing up for classes. Of all the things I worry about this is not one of them. Mostly, I'm not worried because I am a semester behind and I'm still taking general ed ( and trust me, nobody is breaking their neck to take bio 101). 
BUT it gets worse. (doesn't it always?) 
You have to have a PIN to register.  And apparently my advisor has the my PIN. Yesterday when I went to go get said PIN, she made a call and the other line told her I'd have to go she John Doe to get the PIN. Today when I called John Doe, he told me my advisor should have it. I sent my advisor and email, and OF COURSE I didn't put a subject, so if she doesn't reply I have to resend it, thus more waiting. And she may not even reply today.. 

My time frame to register early ends today. 

Story of my Life. 

Take It Easy

I am taking the easy (a.k.a  LAZY) way out tonight. 
I've heard these horror stories of college kidz doing "all nighters". that's not really my style. and since i am in this ever-going journey to find out who i am, i don't wanna do something that may not be like me.  

My Eng teacher told us to bring a copy of evidence paragraphs for our next paper to class tomorrow, I haven't even started. And instead of pulling something out of my butt, I'm going to start tomorrow! Hopefully. And technically I have my first claim written, so I have started somewhat. Real sucky start, but we all know I'm not exactly the model student. After a four hour grocery trip with roommates I do not feel like writing about cell phones.. instead I'll write to you about not writing. 
Oh the irony! 

Today has gone by fast.
Which I like. I hate when my days ddrrraaggg on.
And there you have it. I think I have lost my train of thought... 
Also, I think I may have a small fever. 

Tomorrow is HUMP DAY. Unless you're reading this tomorrow and it is HUMP DAY. 
Half-way through the week. Just keep on truckin', we can do this! 

Wednesday Update

"life makes love look hard, the stakes are high, the waters rough, but this love is ours." 

Taylor Swift always makes me feel better... most of the time... 

I have survived two whole days this week, a conference with my English teacher, a history test, and managed not to cry when I received a D+ on my last Eng assignment. 

Whew, and it's only Wednesday!! 

As you're now wondering "What?! You made a D+?!!" 

Yes, and I'll have you know that I'm stressing that plus. Instead of having class on Monday and today, my teacher had us schedule conference times to come meet with him in his office. 15 whole minutes. My conference only last 13 minutes, Thank God. 

I did, however, receive good feedback....

 "You're on the right track" and "Don't get discouraged about that low grade, you'll have a chance to revise it."

In all it went well, considering how terrified of him I am. I'm not too happy about that D.. but if I can fix it and bring it up a letter grade, I could be satisfied. 

My apt complex here at Pembroke is hiring a team member. I sent in my resume and sent up a prayer that something good will happen. 

Today is dreary.. it's cool and the breeze is nice, but it's threatening to rain and I have a long walk back to my room after class... I'd rather not walk in the rain. I still have yet to get an umbrella- ella-ella- aye-aye..  

Happy Wednesday Everybody! Hope your day sucks.. I mean. Have a great Day ;) 

me, taylor swift, and israel

SORRY FOR THE ABSENCE!

to be brief and blunt.. i feel like i have fallen off my rocker.
i have come to the conclusion that i don't like school. i i tell you otherwise i'm probably lying. i'm pretty good at that.. or am i? *strokes mustache*

today i have managed to make about 3% progress... as opposed to the 15% i usually try to make.

also today i gave myself a homemade hair cut because i have no money and had absolutely disgusting split ends. however, i have my own scissors, so i just took matters into my own hands. muahahaha.

currently i am listening to Taylor Swift, trying not to fall into the depths of dispair. i've been there a lot lately(hence fallen off rocker)
i am having a hard time adjusting and demons from my past.. that never really stayed in my past have caught up with me. before i reach suicidal breakdown mode again, i contacted my schools counseling service and i'm seeing someone. i just started and so i've really only complained about my english teacher (who is the devil's spawn, btw) apparently i have to figure out what "emily wants". what's going to make her happy? and i'll have you know, i told her my circus idea and she did not object!!!

but enough of that..

tomorrow will mark 6 months of dating Israel. ( a.k.a jeremiah, jerusalem, moses...)
i'm honest to goodness happy about this. yes, of course he makes me jump for joy and goo goo eyed, but over all he makes me content, which makes me happy. i feel like this is one of the most stable things in my life right now. most people don't get that, and people probably think we're crazy, which we probably are, but that works for us.

on an ending note, that's a life lesson i've recently learned: different things work for different people. relationships, school, work, dog preference.. and so on. we have no right to judge what others do.. even that's hard a lot of times. "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" 

College+Love=Mind Blown

I have no idea where to start. I have so many thoughts floating around in my head. 

But, as I've mentioned many times before, this IS MY BLOG and I can say whatever I'd like. 

And thank goodness it's not going to be graded! 

My English class is kicking my buttocks. 

My science/weather class has confused me beyond measure. 

My math class is actually going pretty well.. despite how much I hate math. 

My history class is.. well, it's going. 

There are sometimes ( like today when my work in my Eng class was ripped apart and basically scrutinized to poop.) when I feel like dropping out of school. 

But then a little silver lining appears (like when I make B's on my math work) that I feel like I can keep on trucking. 

Today I made a mantra of saying "I hate college." After a little while of that I realized that I don't really hate college, I hate general ed. Classes you have to take because the man says you have to take. When I can take a whole slew of classes I want to take, I think I might be happier.. and then again I could hate those as well. Hopefully we'll find out. You know, if I don't join the circus before then. 

Ok, so that's like 55% of the floating thoughts, the other 45% is my personal, romantic life. 

(which is going pretty good, thanks for asking:) 

Our relationship (me and my boyfriend, that is) is special. And I'm not just saying that because I'm blinded by love. I'm saying that because we have what is classified as a "inter-religious" relationship. 

It's complicated and then again, it's not. 

I'm a christian/Pentecostal and he's a Jehovah's Witness.  

At first it was weird.. and we weren't even sure it was a good idea.. and this is a long and complicated story.. sorta.. anyway, not really the point. 

The point:  Things have gotten really serious in the short amount of time we've know each other/been together. 

We've been playing "the what if and when" game. 

Over the past few days I've also had a lot of those "wow, never thought I'd be here" moments. And with the big, obvious reason it's really been mind blowing. 

I've learned..

I have learned over the past several years ( because I'm so old and wise, I "know things" now) that life is constantly changing. Even if you live in the same dead beat town your whole life, you're always moving to a different stage of life. Sometimes it feels like you've leveled up, and sometimes it feels like you been sent to jail, not passing go, not collecting two hundred dollars. Sometimes you can't even collect two dollars. 

I have also recently learned that you can want something so much you can taste it. And then you get it and it leaves a bitter taste in you mouth. You want to give it back and ask the waitress to bring you tea instead of coke. Well in life, a lot of times there is not waitress to change your order, so you have to sneak back to the kitchen and do it yourself. And then sometimes you get caught by the bus-boy and you have to choke down the coke for the time being. 

Right now I'm at a stage in life where I'm trying to teach myself that sometimes you have to choke down the coke because you might like the taste eventually. Or it could be like beer and no matter how much you try to choke it down your stomach turns and you want to puke. 

If you're wondering where all this is coming from... 

I feel like school is kicking me in the butt right now... more like giving me a swirly in the boys bathroom.

 My first big assignment in my English class was to write a paragraph. Just one paragraph. We worked on them in class, in the lab, and got help from the teacher. I had three drafts of this one stupid paragraph and I got a freaking C. I know it wasn't perfect, but  I felt like my grade could've been a little better. 

Not to mention the first quiz I got a D on. And how bad I'm doing in my math class... 

I hate school. 

I said I wanted to be a English teacher... Umm... Needless to say, I'm rethinking that.     

I feel like giving up on school altogether. 

But I've learned that that just makes it worse.

 I'm choking down bad grades, a rough teacher, this semester, in hope that it will get better.                                                                                                                                                                                                  

I'm going to College

You heard about Colorado? 
Of course you did. 


Tragic. 
It really should be unbelievable that human beings can be so violent, but it isn't. Ever since the fall of man ( if you believe in that sorta thing), humans have been warped. Most of us notice it on a daily basis, sadly society only acknowledges it when psycho- killers attack innocent movie goers. 


Needless to say I will be thinking and praying for said innocent movie goers. Also probably needless to say, what little desire I had to go see that movie is now gone. 






Not to be unsentimental, but by now you're tired of hearing about the sad event and it's time to enlighten you with what's the what what in my life! 

 (the best part of your day, don't deny it) 

I'M GOING TO COLLEGE!!! 
As in like I'm actually moving there. 
No, I'm not trucking half-way across the country to outlive a reckless desire for adventure. I'm trucking an hour away (if you drive the speed limit) to live out the more realistic dream of leaving home for a good education, yet still being close to home. 
I'll be attending University of North Carolina at Pembroke. Instead of staying a dorm, I'll be living in the apartments across the streets. My own room and BATHROOM! And sharing a living room and kitchen with three others. 
I'm super excited!! 
Everything is basically taken care of, just a few more things to sign, seal, and deliver. I.e: signing up for classes and getting shots! Not to enthused about that last part. 




So many things are coming up in the next couple of weeks, I wanna take it all in and not miss a beat. I'm exciting to turn this new leaf over in my life. (needless to say) I feel determined to make the most out of this year. Starting out on the right foot sorta thing.