Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Best Breakup Poem Ever

Best Breakup song  poem ever : "Neutral Tones" by Thomas Hardy. 

We have a "best" song for everything - dance, love, party, and the favorite, breakup song. (And all I can think of is Taylor Swift, can you blame me?) 

In the midst of these melodic power cords, we have lost sight of the art of poetry. 
A poem.. oh yea.. I guess that's.. yea whatever. 

Probably what every teenager thinks when the word "poetry" is uttered. 
And I'll admit, sometimes poetry is a drag, esp early British Literature. 
BUT! 

We read this poem in class and it has just struck a cord in me. Even though I'm not going through a breakup, and never really have, I have had my heartbroken and I've read enough books to empathize. 



We stood by a pond that winter day,
And the sun was white, as though chidden (rebuked) of God,
And a few leaves lay on the starving sod;
         – They had fallen from an ash, and were gray.

Your eyes on me were as eyes that rove
Over tedious riddles of years ago;
And some words played between us to and fro
         On which lost the more by our love.

The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing
Alive enough to have strength to die;
And a grin of bitterness swept thereby
         Like an ominous bird a-wing….

Since then, keen lessons that love deceives,
And wrings with wrong, have shaped to me
Your face, and the God curst sun, and a tree,
         And a pond edged with grayish leaves.



It seems long, but read it, I promise it's amazing.
 The third stanza is my favorite. Just take a second to appreciate that. The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing/ alive enough to have strength to die. 
Not even concerning a breakup, this line, just describes every smile in every awkward moment, death, heartbreak, defeated moment in your life. It just blows me away ( am I nerding out too much here?)!!


The  poem, is in fact about a break-up, but not some drag out fight. The two people lost their way in love and just fell apart. I have had arguments with Israel where we both feel backed into a corner and defeated and sometimes you walk away with that dead smile. In our case it didn't break us, but come on! That last stanza keen lessons that love deceives, that is powerful my friend! 

Friday, November 15, 2013

Does Mother Nature have a period?

I just want to rip my hair out of my head, punch something, and scream at the top of my lungs. 

Ladies, can we please talk, for just a second, about how annoy it is that for the week or so before your period, and you feel like a raging lunatic?! Or is it just me? And then it finally hits you and you kinda mellow out, but your insides are being ripped and crushed my some invisible evil. 
Mother Nature sure is a *#$^!. 
But, we already knew all that, didn't we? 

Obviously I am enduring this week before, which has gotten worse for me since I've gotten older. ( I really need to see a doctor, huh? For mine and Israel's sake. ) 
I just feel like I wanna snap on anything or anybody who crosses my path. The other day this girl looked at me, literally all this poor girl did was LOOK at me, and I turned into the Hulk. Umm excuse me, please so not look at me like that. Would you like me to push you down the stairs?? Also, your haircut makes your head look big. 

 I hate being a woman. 

I am up this late because I am throwing a party for my friend tomorrow; she is 9 years cancer free!! Whoo-hoo! Totally something worth celebrating in my book. I am trying to get my house in order for the event, but I need to take a second and breath before I smashed all the dishes. 

I feel like I have been running around in endless circles (is that too repetitive?) for months now. My brain is fried. Today I skipped not one but two classes, and I feel no guilt. I actually had a couple of hours where I vegged, and when I caught myself I felt guilty for some unbeknownst reason. This semester cannot end sooner. Just one more week of classes, and then exams, and I am home free! Until January, where I have a 9 a..m  spanish. It literally never ends. 



This song just came on my Spotify; it's one of my favorites. I will leave you with this soulful piece, since I killed you with my hormonal outrage :p 





Tuesday, November 5, 2013

adults worry about growing up too pt.1

This morning, as well as yesterday.. in fact now that I think about it, I've been feeling like this for a while now. 
Often, I get this fear that I'm losing myself, which immediately brings this panic of "do I really know who I am?" Of course, this may just be left over teenage insecurities? Or is that wishful thinking? Don't adults worry about growing up too? I believe it stems from not wanting to get to the end of your life and have regret. It's easy to get caught up in the hype and pressure of "YOLO" and "carpe diem." Live life to the fullest and squeeze everything you can out of it. The sad part comes from all the limitations that we face, and even create for ourselves. 

Lately, I just feel trapped in this box. The crazy thing is that the box has windows and a door, I just don't know how to get out. I'm making myself stay in this place where I feel helpless. And then on top of that I think, your problem is that you spend too much time thinking about yourself. If you can get out of your head, you'd be ok. I believe me, too. I know that small problems can be just that, small, hardly a problem. But if you spend too much time chewing and mulling it over that it turns into this huge monster and you don't even want to get out of the bed in the morning. 

Whew, life sucks and then you die, huh? 
Sorry to lay this on you, but I feel like if I don't get it out I'll just keep chewing and mulling. And quite frankly, I don't have time to spiral into depression right now. The end of school has popped up and so have papers and tests. I am so ready for break, I can taste it. Yummy.