Keep On Keeping On

Last night I had the worst sleep I've had in a long time. 

I tossed and turned and had all sorts of weird dreams. 

Before I went to sleep me and my boyfriend got to talking about "end of the world" religious things. 

Talk about a HEAVY conversation topic.  

As the conversation went on, I just kept getting more and more overwhelmed. 

I think about it and try to find a solution or just something that makes since, and it seems like here lately, nothing makes since. 

The more overwhelmed I got the more on edge I became. 

When I went to sleep I felt scared to move, like I was sleeping on the edge of a cliff. 

Today I woke up, everything still fresh on my mind.

I'm not scared, I'm nervous. 

Is that OK? I have no idea. 

Last night I told him that I feel as like I've been set up to live this life. Your born, you grow up, go to school, get married,.. etc, live a life, get old and then die. That's what supposed to happen! 

Knowing.. or believing that at any moment that will be taken away is a little unnerving. 

For me, the most unnerving thing is not knowing what's "on the other side", if you will. 

We think we have some sort of idea, but nobody knows for certain. 

Thinking Over thinking it this morning, I know there's nothing I can do but keep on keeping on. 

"It's Friday, Friday"

"I keep on falling in and out of love"
This is not true. But this freaking song.. well song part... has been stuck in my head!
Also still stuck in my head is E.T. The Katy Perry song. Go listen to it and think of me dancing around my room like an idiot to this song.. its a great image I assure you ;)  ( not to mention I was in my underwear while dancing.. well lets just not mention that. )

I had some really great stuff I was going to talk about but then my computer starting acting gay so I gave up and went to my grandmaw's. Who by the way is the best grandmaw in the world. You think your granny rocks? Well sorry. Mine is better! Ka-Hoots to granny Greene! :D

Alas! I do remember one thing.. I had a dream last night about this guy... right now we will not give him a secert name or any name at all because this, like everybody else, may not go anywhere. Any who.. in said dream we were fighting. Like screaming and arguing. ( kinda like my parents relationship) I don't remember what we were going on about but I do remember that I wanted to stop, in the dream I knew it was stupid to fight with him. It was so weird. And I was so wigged out about having this bad dream with him that I woke up with a headache and gave myself anxiety over it. In reality I play fight with him, much like I do with everybody but, I would never really want to fight with this person. I hate fighting esp between a couple. It's so annoying and sad. And quiet frankly makes me want to cry.
If I ever get into a relationship with some sort of seriousness I promise you this dear reader, I will try my hardest to "be the best person I can be" and not cause arguments. OK I don't like where this is going..
On another note...
Umm...
Well...
I have been neglecting my journal... Shame on me. I have been neglecting a lot of stuff. I need to get my priorities straight!
Stop obsessing over boys.. which has become a nasty habit of mine!
Figure out who the hell is coming to graduation! ( which means communicating with my freaking family)
Get things lined up at Sandhills ( yes I'm going to community college. bummer I know.)
Graduate!
Find a Job!
In this order!

Something to say

I have nothing to say.
That's a lie.
I always have something to say. Even if its not anything of importance. Today I feel like I have nothing to say. I don't feel good and I'm tired due to lack of sleep. The past few days I've been congested. I wake up with headaches and my face is puffy. As if I need more weight on my face. I digress..
Last night I had a dream, well it was more of a nightmare. I was riding in the car with my mom, dad, and little sister. I don't know what we were doing or where we were going. The only thing I really remember is that my dads girlfriend was texting.him and my mom kept trying to grab the phone. My sister got ahold of the phone and I remember seeing stupid hearts in the texts messages. That was enough to make me want to barf. It was so weird. I woke up in the middle of the night trying to figure out why the hell we were all in a car together. Like I said before... nightmare.

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Re Re: Joe

Go back 2 or 3 posts and I tell you my "sad" tale.
 omg.
It just turned into a nightmare. A freaking nightmare. Our guy Joe (i used the term loosely) is not really a regular guy at all.. nope. He is in his 40's. late 40's. just a quick side note; my parents are in their late 40's!
Let me rewind a bit..
I had talked to Joe for like 2-3 nights in a row and then all of a sudden bam. Nothing. and the last time i did have conversation with him it ended on a very odd note. so the other night i decide to just man up and call him, i was up anyway. so i called and he picked up and said he's call me back. like a dummy i said okie dokie. so when he called back conversation was going semi-normal and then he precedes to tell me that he does't think this will work and he doesn't want to continue communicating with me. his reasons were valid, all of which had crossed my mind to.
 I do have to admit that I was kinda bummed that I let myself like the company (crazy as it was!) and now it was suddenly coming to an end. I felt like I was being dumped. but like a strong women i pride myself to be i said OK and decided to call this short part of my life quits. and the real kicker is when i was going to hang up he said. "OK. so have a good life.."  he didn't say it in a condescending way, although looking back he might should have. so i got off the phone, plugged in my ipod and tried to get some sleep. that was the end of that.
So i thought.
The next day something was rubbing me wrong, it seemed sorta out of character for Joe to do that. so i got on the Internet and googled the creeper. OH the joys of Internet. it brought me to his email profile ( don't ask me why i never looked at it before!!) and low and behold there is no picture, but alas! there was his age. 48.
No you did not read that wrong. I spent two weeks staying up all hours of the night talking to a pedophile! I almost went into cardiac arrest.I was freaking out. i should have know. there were signs. but like an idiot i believed him.
i heard a lady scream in the background a few times, he said it was his mom. and for all i know that was true. but instead of putting a son through college she is taking care of his unemployed ass. or God forbid it was his wife. OH why would that not surprise me that he was married. and i was the other woman! i am not even a women! I'm just a girl.
a girl who can't catch a freaking break.. or at least a boy her own age!