I've learned..

I have learned over the past several years ( because I'm so old and wise, I "know things" now) that life is constantly changing. Even if you live in the same dead beat town your whole life, you're always moving to a different stage of life. Sometimes it feels like you've leveled up, and sometimes it feels like you been sent to jail, not passing go, not collecting two hundred dollars. Sometimes you can't even collect two dollars. 

I have also recently learned that you can want something so much you can taste it. And then you get it and it leaves a bitter taste in you mouth. You want to give it back and ask the waitress to bring you tea instead of coke. Well in life, a lot of times there is not waitress to change your order, so you have to sneak back to the kitchen and do it yourself. And then sometimes you get caught by the bus-boy and you have to choke down the coke for the time being. 

Right now I'm at a stage in life where I'm trying to teach myself that sometimes you have to choke down the coke because you might like the taste eventually. Or it could be like beer and no matter how much you try to choke it down your stomach turns and you want to puke. 

If you're wondering where all this is coming from... 

I feel like school is kicking me in the butt right now... more like giving me a swirly in the boys bathroom.

 My first big assignment in my English class was to write a paragraph. Just one paragraph. We worked on them in class, in the lab, and got help from the teacher. I had three drafts of this one stupid paragraph and I got a freaking C. I know it wasn't perfect, but  I felt like my grade could've been a little better. 

Not to mention the first quiz I got a D on. And how bad I'm doing in my math class... 

I hate school. 

I said I wanted to be a English teacher... Umm... Needless to say, I'm rethinking that.     

I feel like giving up on school altogether. 

But I've learned that that just makes it worse.

 I'm choking down bad grades, a rough teacher, this semester, in hope that it will get better.                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Money can buy Happiness

Hey,  What's up. 

Sorry I haven't been attentive. And I'll have you know that I've had so much on my mind lately, that if I would've put my mind to it I could have pounded out some good stuff. 

Like today I had this thought... (this sprouting from the ongoing college what-nots)

IT'S NOT FREAKING FAIR THAT ALL THESE STUPID "CELEBS" ARE ROLLING IN THE DOUGH SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY PARTY ALL THE TIME (JERSEY SHORE RING A BELL???) AND THE REST OF US (NORMAL PEOPLE WHO ARE SCRAPING TO GET BY) ARE UP TO OUR EYEBALLS IN DEBT JUST TO GO TO COLLEGE AND GRADUATE AND MAYBE GET A DECENT JOB AFTERWARDS!!!!! 

SERIOUSLY?! 

I mean, come on!! Where is the JUSTICE America???

Land of the free?!  

Yea, Right. Until you get a job and 1/4 of your hard earned money will be sucked out of that no questions asked. Got a problem with it? Well too freaking bad! 

Sorry for the outburst, readers. But you have to see where I'm coming from.

Stressed out doesn't even begin to describe how I've felt lately. 

"Money doesn't buy happiness." 

I think I'd have to disagree a little.. 

Super-Short Love Story

It's been a few days, so today seemed like a good day to blog. 


Weekends are supposed to be the time when you relax and enjoy yourself. Besides New Years', it's the most counted down date known to man. 
For me, I wouldn't describe this past weekend as relaxing or enjoyable, bittersweet, maybe. 
Friday "some stuff went down" ( you know when people say that Jerry Springer issh is about to happen!). 
I won't go into detail about said "stuff", just know it was a sticky situation among friends (money was involved, hence STICKY). 
It was one of those situations where you can 


A: go off the deep end and ruin relationships that have been the salt to your pepper 
or 
B: swallow your pride, be responsible, and learn from it

I chose B. 
I need the salt to my pepper, and I like to think of myself as a reasonable person... I also hate when people turn things into Jerry Springer Episodes. I may not be the most reasonable person on the planet, but I try to be mature. Which is more than I can say for the guests of Jerry Springer. 


After "the stuff" went down..  the genre of my weekend went from trashy reality t.v to a full out romantic drama full length feature presentation. 


SAY WHAT?


For the past two months I have been harboring a secret relationship. (Some of you may already know about it, but were sworn to secrecy) I was crucial that we kept it on the down low ( I'll explain why later). WE GOT CAUGHT! 




In Jan or Feb I met this guy, who just so happened to by my best friend's cousin. ( talk about keeping it in the family.) At first the thought of anything between us never crossed my mind. There's a lot that goes along with that. 
And thinking about it now, it may take two or five post ( from my point of view) to tell you the whole story. 
So for now I'll give you the super-short version.. 


Girl meets Boy. 
Friendship blossoms. 
Confessions of super fat eight grade crush. 
Due to religious differences, agonizing debate on weather to "give this a try". 
Decide to "give it a try"!! However, must keep it a secret! 
Awkward confessions of Love.
Comfortable confessions of Love. 
Confessions of "In Love". 
Torrid Love affair caught by hottie boyfriend's family. 
Girl feels like she is going to be sick. 
Boy, calmly, takes care of it. 
Change of FB relationship status!! 


You think that's a lot? Wait for the full length feature post.
 If you go to my FB, you will see who he is. 
I can't describe how wonderful he is. Honestly, if you saw how sappy I might get, you might think I've lost my mind. Hell sometimes when I analyze this whole thing, I feel like I've lost my mind. 


But that's ok..  

slippers and coffee and book reviews

starting the morning off right, in my slippers and drinking a cup of joe.
my mom religiously puts sweet n low in her coffee, so when i started drinking, i too used it. but now that i have realized the after taste is disgusting.. i stick to just creamer. mmm it's delicious :) 


yesterday i worked for about two hours because my boss's mom fell and had to go to the ER for x-rays yesterday afternoon. talk about easing back into work. today, however, i feel like we'll pound out a good 6 hours. my bank account desperately needs them...
for some reason, i have a netflix account. (even though i'm back to my normal self and read more than i watch movies or tv) and i always forget that at the end of the month it sneaks out 8 bucks out of my account.(which is totally a cosmic joke, because the end of the month is also the "time of the month. no wonder i'm ready to commit suicide)  this month really sucked because i only had 8 bucks in my account and when i tried to swipe my card i almost had a heart attack when it declined. i checked when i got home.. sure enough netflix left me with .41 to my name. whew, i'm a broke hoe. 


but.. God always come through, doesn't he? because that day i got my Christmas present from grandmaw and it was handsomely green. 


if you like crime/mysteries/law novels, you should really check out Lisa Scottoline. I've read 2 of her books, and I going to start a third today.  Last night I finished "Daddy's Girl". (the name really throws off the actually story, I think) It's about a law professor  who gets involved in shady ongoings at a prison and intertwined in all of that she falls in love a fellow professor. It really was a page turner, and FYI I try not to use that term, but this book had a good level of suspense. The last 10 pages were the best plot twist ever! It made me mad, but it was good. *SPOILER ALERT! the hot professor turned out to be one of the bad guys! since you probably won't read it for yourself, I figured I'd go ahead and tell you. 


What's your favorite book, or can you even pick just one? 

shot to hell

let's just lay everything out on the table...

the past few days, weeks, months? i haven't been able to properly function. 

i have no clue what is going on. it's like i've done a 180. 

i'm standing on the edge of the cliff again. don't worry, i don't plan to jump. 

i just don't know how to get myself out of the slump.

maybe it's the change of the seasons.. this seems to happen to me a lot when the seasons change. 

my internal axis gets flipped upside down and my mentality is shot to hell. 

yesterday, i went to the graveyard and walked around and listened to the dead.(a little too poetic?) all the while unloading my shot to hell mentality onto my best friend. (that's what a best friend is, somebody who walks around the graveyard with you because your depressed. that's love my dear readers.) 

"all i need is a little of the good life" 

what is the good life?! 

is it:

• Religion
• Family
• Friends
• Money
• Career 
• Knowledge 
• Contentment 

this is a quick list i made of things i think i want in life(not specifically in that order).. but how can you have ALL of them in the right balance? that's my thought provoking question. 

on a side note, with the thought of having balance in my life i've been thinking about taking up yoga. yea, wii fit yoga, back off! anywho.. maybe some mediation would be good. just a thought. 

Lifetime movie

So I'm just chilling in bed watching this lifetime movie... I'm not even sure what the name is. It's a web of lies, that what it should be called.. web of lies!! With dramatic music playing and a black backdrop.
This dude meets a pretty lady, charms the pants off of her and then disappears. He does this several times, then asks her to marry him. So she says yes, he takes off again.. and bam! He's married to another pretty lady and he has kids!! Omg! So he fakes his death and runs back to lady with charmed off pants! And now he's robbing people left and right to get money, had another kid, and pretty lady #2 is onto him!
It's so intense... I hope I don't fall asleep :)

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i secretly have a love of money...

what up dudes?! 

so i am like totally in a great mood!

(imagine everything i just said in a super annoying preppy noise.. laugh!) 

today has went by sorta fast, but its been a great day!

you know how i'm on the prowl for a job (a.k.a money), so this morning me and a friend got up super early ( like 8 ish) and went to apply at cracker barrel. which is opening up in like 3 weeks. 

(caution: bunny trail. family friends of our own a BP gas station/grill and on our way to said CB we stopped for drinks and gas.. we got to talking and she needs help working the grill. well i quickly jumped at the opportunity and on the way home we stopped back again did some more talking and she asked me to come in today and give it whirl. so i go in for this whirl and i have to say it went pretty good. all the stuff was pretty easy.. i mean dang their kid has been doing it since she was 7. i swept floors, cooked food, cleaned stuff, filled ice bags ( that was hard) took orders ( my favorite part) and made lots of pizza ( i am now craving pizza) . 

i was totally stoked when i left.. no not just because i got paid.. but because if this thing with CB doesn't work out i'm almost positive i have a spot at the grill. i felt accomplished. like i was out actually doing something, working toward a goal and not just sitting at home watching tv and getting even fatter ( which is where i'm headed if i have no job) 

the only down side is i have to wear a freaking hat.. and not a cutsie beanie hat.. a ball cap. not a good look for me.

and to top all that off i got two more graduation cards.. i'm half a little over half way towards my apple computer!! i'm soo freaking excited. once i get that computer i will be the bees knees. my head will swell and somebody will have to calm me down. i just sense this. 

ahhh! the freaking smoke detector in my apartment is beeping like a freaking spring chicken.. only louder and more annoying! ( just wanted you to be aware...) 

"stacks on deck like he saving up" : P 

babies are scary!

Yes indeed. There is a baby in front if me and its scary. I don't speak gibberish.. sometimes it can seem that way but rest assured I'm not fluent.
So tomorrow I leave on one of the biggest adventures of my life.. I'm going to Missouri! Why Missouri you may ask. Good question. I can't tell you how many times I've asked myself that. The school I've allowed my heart to set on is there. Evangel university. If I had been doing this last week I would have had plenty of great things to say... but my spirits have been depressed by the money monster. I won't go there.. its too ugly. However I have hope that everything will work out. Just have to keep the faith..
Sometimes that seems like the hardest thing to do.

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