Friday, February 26, 2010

12:38 a.m

"stuck, afraid, annoyed by the little things.
 these "not so real" feelings catch up with me at the most inconveinent times.
bubbley joy should be pouring out of me, but i feel not so bubbley. like a bottel of champange gone very bad.

life busy rushing like the blood runnig out of an open wound.
we run and run trying to find a way out, finding that next high, the nexy time we can feel some releif. "

 - excert from my journal on 2*20*10

so today.. err yesterday was my birthday.
i am officially 17. joyfull occasion right?
i thought so too. but now i am having second thoughts..
or third thoughts.. however you want to look at it.
people say these are the best years of our lives.. well thats a lie and i dont care who wants to argue against me. most of the time i win anyway :)

im so ready to be out and away i can taste it.. i had this feeling about driving too. and i love driving, love the feeling of having my own car. its great.. some guilt cause i dont pay anything for it, but otherwise great. so i have a pretty good feeling that im going to like being away at college and living on my own..
now i just have to wait unitil its handed to me on a silver platter :)
yes i have very high expectations!

Monday, February 15, 2010

feb. 15

         ok so its been a while since ive given you any details about my life.. and since like only two people read this, im guessing you've survived. not much has happened. ok thats a lie. a lot has happened.
i obviously dont feel like going into details right now.
but i have a good reason. im getting over a nasty stomach virus. and when i say nasty. i mean nasty.

so i have finally picked up a book and it has my attention!
finally a world far from this has beckoned my presence and i have answered the call.

i have missed only two days this six weeks and i already feel like im failing.
that stupid note policy at school has screwed up my report cards so many times i now have an anxiety issue with it.
so im into a good book my grades are slipping and i need to shave my legs. life is finally returning to normal. :)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

who cares?

who cares what you have?
i just care that i dont have it.

thats right i said it.
it pisses me off that i dont have ... well i certainly cant tell you what exactly it is.
but you have it.. lots of people have them. people who shouldnt have them. have them! whereas i could handle one, i want one, and yet i dont have one!
this is the story of my life. whatever.
its my life and i've learned to deal. but sometimes i get sick and tired of it.

somtimes i want a new life.. something better. better than this.

a life where i can get and have what i want. in this life i have what i need and most of what i want.
but not this! and you have it. you little bitch!
yep thats right i called you a bitch 'cause right now thats what you are to me.
now tomorrow this may blow over but right now your a bitch.
and surprisingly im ok with this.