Wednesday, January 27, 2010

"so hows the meatloaf"

the way my mom makes meatloaf.. is gross. you have to take the raw meat and add seasoning and peppers and ketchup and bread crubs, all this stuff to make a single loaf of meat. however on a better note, my moms meatloaf is great. a lot of people think meatloaf in general is nasty (a lot of people's are) but my moms is great!
so like this single loaf of meat, life is made, or lived the same way.
there are nasty parts (fights with freinds and family) thats the raw meat part. your emotions and feelings. what we put on the chopping block every single day.
there are things in life you might not always see, but we know they are there for us. like God. llike the seasonings in a meatloaf, we cant see God but he's there for us all the time and he makes life taste a lot better than what it used to be.
peppers are bright and organic.like laughter. its real and natural. it has its own uniquie flavor.like sharing a laugh with a friend or threw a text.
ketchup is well obviously awesome anyways. its smooth and goes great with just about anything. so i guess they are like the oxygen everybody needs to stay alive. idk. i just really like ketchup with my meatloaf.
and then there are the breadcrumbs. like my friends and family. it wouldnt be moms meatloaf without breadcrumbs.. life wouldnt be life without my totally crazy friends and not so sane family. but i would be even more lost wihtout them. they are crumby and flaky but quite delicious :)

so these things seperatly can be odd. but if you mix them together and bake it at 350 degrees you have the best life you can get. sometimes you may get burnt or not done all the way.and if things still fail, just add more ketchup ;)  but eventually things get better. the sun sets and rises again and you can mix all the ingradients again.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

not the day i intended.

tick, tick, thump, thump,  ding!
thats the sound of the machine beside me at the hospital. this morning my mom was throwing up acid and othe yucky stuff... so off to the doctor we went. wen we finally got to see the doctor, cause you know they are like celebs, you have to wait forever to see them. anywho. steve (the doctor. who is really nice and has like this alomost awkwad frienship with my mom he called her his girl.. awkward. ) said it was diabetic ketoacidosis. yea huge word. but i think basically its from her lack of insulin.. which is thanks to our fucked up insurance ...her sugar is up too high and the acid in her blood has spilled over... err something like that.. dont quotd me directly on this.
either way she's in the hopital and it may not be that serious. the staff is doing everything they can. so she sould be outta here in a day or two..
im gald cause when hey told us i thought i was going to choke.

on a better note. my dad comes home tomorrow!!
thank God. its been so weird lately with him not being here.
i actually had this weird dream the other night about him coming home.
it was dark and we were all outside on the patio and he come around the corner and looked at me like he didnt know if he should talk or not. then i looked up at him and he broke into this huge dorky grin that only my dad has. and i ran over and gave him this hge hug. it was great. but that would probably not ever happen. see my dad isnt the huggy loveey doveey type. which is fine. cause in not either. but when a hug presents itself.. its very awkward.

anyway.. the machine is dinging again so i will say me goodbyes until next time..

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

no riddles or rhymes

i dont really have much to say today..
who am i kidding i have a lot to say everyday.

but today i seem blank.. like i have all these thoughts in my head i just cant grab one and hold on to it.
exams are here and in full swing at school. two down one to go. i will proudly announce that i made a 96! on my physical science eoc :) go me! and i made a 100 on my art exam. :) so obviously im excited and so glad that this semester is almost over! just two more days.
i am stll stressing though over my reasearch paper. i got an extension before christmas!!! and im still not done. all i have to do is write the conclusion and type and turn it in. ... doesnt seem that hard but for me it is. im super stalling. i so just dont wanna do it.. but eventually it will get done. if its not sone tomorrow and my teacher asks questions i will tell her my dog died :) even thought my dog didnt die.. its really a horrid lie, but gotta do what i gotta do.
so other than that.. yea.

oh yea! tomorrow i also have an interview at subway (eat fresh)!
go me. its my birthday. ok not really. but i am pretty excited. if i get this job it would be so awsome!
a little more freedom and plus some moo-la :)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

its wrong.

and i know it..
i tried making exceptions.
myself got in the way
of his way.

now what do i do?
thats the question i ask.

well all i can do is lay it at his feet.
thats all.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

we went from playing on the playground to slicing our wrists.. PART II

conviction in my spirit man or my concisous mind?
either way the stress is catching up to me.

i cant sleep, all i do is eat..
the faces, the  images of a world once unknown to me
haunt me in the night.
this world unraveled fast.
to fast.
friends with secerts i wanted to know
led me to paths of darkness.
i forgot my flashlight and now i've stubbed my toe.
the pain has left my foot and kicked me in the brain
i worry to much for you
my dear ones.
highschool drama? or lifetime bounds.
these chains are tight and my breath is slipping..
someone's hand? anyone..?
i need something to hold on to.
i want out of this world.
rewind time and take back everything.
but i cant..
that day is crystal clear to me..
the sun was out and a sly smile fooled me.
im the fool..
and i realize that now.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

love, lust, hate

so i posted my last post on my facebook and these are the comments...



Jeff Johnson i'll now leave reply





to lust we have loved,and love we have lust


to life has no purpose but purpose it self.


to hate we have brought on all that was lovely though love we have hated for all that was worthy, why couldn't life be as easy as this a poem for replying to replying a poem?... See More




wow i can write 2 emily my dear we are deep tonight



Emily Greene lust after love



lust after purpose.


heartache and tears splinter the soul.


hate the lovely


hate the worthy... See More


either way we feel something


pain is the game today


tomorrow


no one knows.




together.. we are an ocean of emotions.. lol.


Jeff Johnson some love the lust



and lust the love,and repeat the game as if it were holy


those soulsd that splinter share the world as for worthy there are none


pain has no game the game is pain though hate in repose


the world revolves so peaceful around it... See More


today brings hate as for tomorrow when it will stop, is when the world enters shock
 
 
 
 
Emily Greene love and lust my friend



the game


we lose


the hate we create.


we created our world ... See More


fashioned it with hate


and lied to thoughs who love


us


the inhabitants of this world


small as a parking space.


hate to love the lust


hate to lust the love.

we went from playing on the playground to slicing our wrists..

how?
when?
why?
did life get so complicated??

what did we do to piss the universe off? all these questions and never any answers... never.
no real rythm or reason to the things we do. we act on impulse, hold our tounges, somethings its best to. and sometimes not. thoughts burn our brains black as coal.. the haunting memories of the good days creep up in our dreams and scare us to death.

we ask and we receive something we didnt ask for...
she's scared, he says there is no reason to be.
who can we trust?
why do we lust
the thrill
the sensation
anything out of the ordinary..

they agree
we dont
they love
we dont beleive in love.
i love
but not this way
this way has become to complex for me to follow
to many rules and to many secerts...

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

brittany spears and panic at the disco on my ipod = eargasim :)

wow so its been a little while since i've posted anything.. i have to admit i have been on here and started stuff but they never got finished.

this week we returned back to school after a much needed break. but two days back in and i need another break. which is good cause after exams i get another one :) thank god.
i dont feel like myself lately. ...well i guess i dont know what im feeling cause feeling "like myself" is something i dont recognize either.. bummer? i guess.. maybe...maybe not.
im just trying to figure out what i want from myself, from life, and the people in it.
so far i have no idea. what i want. i just need to get out. get away from this place, these people. together they are an evil force destroying my life one day at a time.

but dispite these evil forces at work.. my music tastes have taken a complete 180.
right now im listening to brittayn spears and in my car the radio is set to a country station!
what? why?
i dont know.. i just like it. its what im feeling :)
and as we all know i act on impulsive feeling... sometimes thats a good thing, other times not so much.





taking one for the team
not my style.
her style is taking one for the whole world.
heartbreak and strikeout
are all thats in the line up.
homerun for the enemy
and the hoe got all the way to second
base.
your emotions whirl up and down
tastey like a hotdog
but sour like a lemon icee.
summer came and gone
winter is here
froze my heart and your brain
close the gates.
we'll be back next season.