Tuesday, March 16, 2010

"you fight the world from the inside out"

well well well, hello cyberspace. its been to long.

if your not doing much but reading this here blog entry, go listen to lifehouse's new album "Smoke and Mirrors" its great! i bought and then i fell in love with it and now im recomending it to you. ..see how generous i am :) i perfer song "it is what it is" and "in your skin" thoughs are my faves.. right now.

so to say my life had regained balance is a lie, and we both know that.
i dont generally mention names in here...well i try not to. anywho.
Lloyd has cancer, and my grandma is freaked.  to tell you the truth i am too. Lloyd's a pretty cool guy and he means the world to my grandma. she told my that if anything were to happen to him she is going to move down to aunt amy's. i hate that thought. i really hate that thought. that something would happen to Lloyd and grandma would move that far.

the grass is still brown and the sky is always cloudy it seems.
i cant seem to find enough me time. that sounds selfish. what i mean is there is never enough time for me to just sit and think a sort through the things in my head. too many things i guess. and not enough time in the day.
"im always here to help" easy to do. sometimes it seems impossibble. how can i possibly help my friends and family when im so screwed up?
its easier just to ignore it.. and i know thats horrid but sometimes i cant help it. i get sucked inside myself and everybody else just disappears.

Monday, March 8, 2010

all cracked up

Just because the door is closed doesn't mean there isn't a peep hole.
Through the crack in the wall i can see all your dirty little secrets.
You thought i'd never know
I'm carrying your shame around on my shoulders everyday
It takes me down a little lower
Lower, back to the depths of this endless black hole in me.
Its haunting, taughting, I can't escape.
Everywhere i go i'm reminded of the dirty deeds
Plus the ones that you thought were buried in the past.
But thoughs too seep through the crack.
Even the people who seem to be the closest to you never turn out to be who they seem to be.
People have secerts and we hide behind them and let them rule our lives.
They change people, build a barrier between them and the rest of the world.