Soapboxes and Pulpits

I DIDN'T VOTE!  

I did, however, almost puke at all the political garbage on facebook. I had high hopes that after everything was said and done people would shut up and get off the soap box. But the results only made them superglue their feet to the soapboxes. 

The pride and the push to make this country a better place that swells around election time, deflates shortly after the winner is announced. ( In my opinion shouldn't it have been obvious that he would get re-elected. I have this theory that Americans are collectively afraid of change, that's why nothing "changes.) 

Any way.. enough of that.. 

Speaking of FB, I've seen people posting what their thankful for, I guess to get into the Thanksgiving spirit and remind themselves that life doesn't suck as much as we think it does. Last night when I was laying down to go to sleep I guess I felt God pulling on my heartstrings since I hadn't talked to him in a few days. I started thanking him for the things I have and he reminded me of a lot that I tend to take for granted. I am so thankful for an endless list of people, places, material things, and I owe it all to God. Last night I went to sleep with a smile on my face and it felt good to know that he's there's always taking care of me, despite everything I put im through. 

There are several current situations in my life right now that have shown me just how great is love is. And as humans I don't think we can fully grasp just how wonderful it is. That said, I've also seen that some people don't just don't "get it." 

Anyway.. 

*steps off pulpit*

Have a great Friday!!!  

College+Love=Mind Blown

I have no idea where to start. I have so many thoughts floating around in my head. 

But, as I've mentioned many times before, this IS MY BLOG and I can say whatever I'd like. 

And thank goodness it's not going to be graded! 

My English class is kicking my buttocks. 

My science/weather class has confused me beyond measure. 

My math class is actually going pretty well.. despite how much I hate math. 

My history class is.. well, it's going. 

There are sometimes ( like today when my work in my Eng class was ripped apart and basically scrutinized to poop.) when I feel like dropping out of school. 

But then a little silver lining appears (like when I make B's on my math work) that I feel like I can keep on trucking. 

Today I made a mantra of saying "I hate college." After a little while of that I realized that I don't really hate college, I hate general ed. Classes you have to take because the man says you have to take. When I can take a whole slew of classes I want to take, I think I might be happier.. and then again I could hate those as well. Hopefully we'll find out. You know, if I don't join the circus before then. 

Ok, so that's like 55% of the floating thoughts, the other 45% is my personal, romantic life. 

(which is going pretty good, thanks for asking:) 

Our relationship (me and my boyfriend, that is) is special. And I'm not just saying that because I'm blinded by love. I'm saying that because we have what is classified as a "inter-religious" relationship. 

It's complicated and then again, it's not. 

I'm a christian/Pentecostal and he's a Jehovah's Witness.  

At first it was weird.. and we weren't even sure it was a good idea.. and this is a long and complicated story.. sorta.. anyway, not really the point. 

The point:  Things have gotten really serious in the short amount of time we've know each other/been together. 

We've been playing "the what if and when" game. 

Over the past few days I've also had a lot of those "wow, never thought I'd be here" moments. And with the big, obvious reason it's really been mind blowing. 

Keep On Keeping On

Last night I had the worst sleep I've had in a long time. 

I tossed and turned and had all sorts of weird dreams. 

Before I went to sleep me and my boyfriend got to talking about "end of the world" religious things. 

Talk about a HEAVY conversation topic.  

As the conversation went on, I just kept getting more and more overwhelmed. 

I think about it and try to find a solution or just something that makes since, and it seems like here lately, nothing makes since. 

The more overwhelmed I got the more on edge I became. 

When I went to sleep I felt scared to move, like I was sleeping on the edge of a cliff. 

Today I woke up, everything still fresh on my mind.

I'm not scared, I'm nervous. 

Is that OK? I have no idea. 

Last night I told him that I feel as like I've been set up to live this life. Your born, you grow up, go to school, get married,.. etc, live a life, get old and then die. That's what supposed to happen! 

Knowing.. or believing that at any moment that will be taken away is a little unnerving. 

For me, the most unnerving thing is not knowing what's "on the other side", if you will. 

We think we have some sort of idea, but nobody knows for certain. 

Thinking Over thinking it this morning, I know there's nothing I can do but keep on keeping on. 

i'm not doing my homework

To the eight people out there that read this.. thank you. i feel like i don't say that enough. 


and when i'm not doing my homework (accepting the fact that i'm going to take a bad grade) by goofing off, reading blogs about cats and fashion... you are feeding that fire. thank you. 
now you feel bad because i'm going to get a bad grade... or maybe you feel disappointed in me because of my lack of motivation. 
don't. 
it's my own fault. and i have good reason...


this is my homework...


there is a painting of some dude painting ( yes a painting of somebody painting!) the virgin mary nursing baby Jesus... why?!!? why does this exist?!!!
In general, how would you use these images as evidence of the worldview of the fifteenth century? What do they tell us about people's attitudes, emotions, and values? 
What?! 
well apparently the worldview of the 15th century is warped! i don't know. and i kinda don't care. the thought of babies being nursed makes me queasy... then put Jesus in that equation and now I'm just beyond uncomfortable. Plus I didn't even read the chapter, so I have no idea what's going on in 15th century art. And what the heck is a motif? 

Saint Luke drawing the portrait of the Virgin

i'm dropping out of college and joining the circus. i'm serious. 

naughty panties for Christmas

Christmas Greetings Bloogers, Readers, and Facebookers alike!

Today I had Christmas Eve at my dad's house. The stocking were hung by the chimney with care and stuffed with really good gifts. Got some good gift cards, socks that call me naughty, candy, and a pocket mirror. Oh and germ X. Also I received a tee Shirt that says "put your big girl panties on, Get over it."
That tee shirt got dad a lot of cool points in the present contest this year, I have to admit. it's amazing. got a pair of panties on it and everything! However, the race is not over. Mom still gets to play tomorrow. and since I know (by pure accident!!) what I'm getting, I'm pretty sure she will take the cake.But we will not declare an official winner until tomorrow.

With all the gifts and fuss over The Big Day. I have really been giving some thought to Baby Jesus and those who won't be receiving tee shirts, and socks, or gift cards, or even a decent dinner. My heart goes out to them. As sad as I get, I have really been giving God some props. I'm so thankful for what I have. Sometimes my life seems like it really sucks, but when I think about it I have it so much better than a lot of people. So I encourage you, this Christmas to give some thought about what you have and to be grateful for it. Give the Big Guy some props, He more than deserves them!


Merry Christmas!
Don't Drink and Drive!
(I don't wanna attend a funeral over the holiday)

oh and P.S- My grandmaw is in the hospital.. I don't wanna go into detail, but while you are giving God props could you send up a prayer for her? THX :) 

fa la la la la la alalllalalalala

i hate holidays.
for as long as i can remember i have disliked them. well.. i kinda like Christmas because we all know Christmas is about presents, and i am a sucka for a present. "oh you didn't have to get me anything" is probably the biggest lie i tell! in my head i'm thinking, "yes, another present!!" 
Thanksgiving has always been an issue. family drama as usual. but now it's its even worse because my parents have split and we literally have to choose. naturally we are doing going to both, just like we did Christmas last year. last years' Turkey Day was easy.. we were on cruise with my mom. in theory i'd do that again. but no.. thats not an option this year.
i hate the end of the year. it starts getting really expensive and stressful. however, the good thing is that you can eat your feelings!! muhaha. which is not advisable, but realistic. 
you hate that you can't please both sides of the family adequately, but grandmaw's blueberry pizza pleases you stomach so much that eventually you stop caring. 
and Christmas is even better, because they subconsciously try to out do each other. exhibit A: last year my sister and i got ipods from pops, we went on a cruise ( that was more of a family gift though) wii games, gift cards, money.. we racked up on materialistic love! 




and i know what some of you are thinking; Emily, holidays are about the birth of Christ and Friends and Family and cheer and giving to others and blah blah blah.. yes that's all true, but let's face it for the most part that stuff gets put on the back burner. except the birth of Christ.. i think people who truly appreciate that still show it. 
any who.. 


the holidays are close to smothering us.. What's your least favorite part of the holidays? 

i hope its a puppy!! 

i am human. that's no excuse.

Dear Reader, 
went to youth convention.. experienced the Jesus Bubble. it was wonderful. 
came back.. and my Jesus high plummeted. 
story of my life. 


i can't stop thinking about myself, and how weak i really am. when i say weak, i mean i have such a hard problem denying the sin that complicated my life. which we all do, if it wasn't a problem we'd be perfect. 
and let's face it.. none of us are perfect. 


so we have this walk with Christ.. and i picture this walk as a beautiful path. lush green leaves, a crisp breeze, flowers, and the sunlight on just me and God. (man, that sounds great doesn't it!) 
any who.. so on this walk, we sin and mess up.. which is dark, cold and the lush forest turns into a satanic graveyard. i have a twisted sense of humor, so i kinda like graveyards. however, when satan's invited to the party.. i don't like to attend. 
so metaphorically speaking, i'm tip toeing to the graveyard. the whole time, i'm screaming at myself "You Idiot! Turn Back Now!" despite my own wisdom, i keep going and i'm almost there. i'm afraid that if i get to the graveyard i'm going to find myself in the grave. 
so many choices.. and i know what's right. i know what's wrong. 
i am human. and that's no excuse. 


Sincerely, walking dead. 


P.S: what makes you weak?
P.P.S: somebody please say CANDY.. it'll make my day! :) 

Jesus Bubble

having a headache does not make it easy to work on that English paper that needs writing. 

tim and i set out to do that, however, i forgot i left up my blog page.. and my anti Christmas rant was still up. i decided not to post that because it was getting out of hand and semi sacrilegious. 

(Christmas is about presents!!! in a roundabout way) 

any who.. 

This weekend is Youth Convention 2011!!! I'm super excited. Youth Con is super amazing, but another super amazing thing is this year I'm a leader! muhahah. I basically get to chaperone a room of teenage girls. (pray for me!) But still, I think its a pretty big deal. I know its going to be special because we have a bunch of peeps that have never been, and if they don't have a great time, then it will confirm my thoughts that they are the devil ;) 

It's intense. God always shows up. I hope kids connect with God. I don't want it to just be an emotional experience. That's gonna happen.. but more than that I want them to get it. That's the only way I know how to describe it. I've been concerned about this for awhile now because sadly, some things I experienced at youth con were emotional experiences. On the flip side there were times when I really did connect.  It's amazing. 

Don't you wish you could stay inside the Jesus Bubble all the time? When I say Jesus Bubble, I mean, that moment(s) when you are truly connected and for a brief time the world stops and you are at peace and everything is ok. You are with the creator and his love has captured you completely. I love the Jesus Bubble. 

That's what happens at Youth Con!! and that's why I'm going to Evangel and that's why I want to work with youth and that's what saved me from myself and that's hope, and love, it's everything! 

*steps down from pulpit* 

What's your Jesus Bubble like? 

ghetto booty hot dog tattoos

so today at Ross, i bought these super tight ghetto booty jeans. i mean, every curve/roll is being rugged and squeezed. 

i'm not sure how well this will go over, but we're gonna try them out. i really bought them because when i wear my rain boots, i want to wear them like the little preppy girls. you know the whole tucked in deal. 

Tuesday is my last day working at the grill. i'd be lying to say i wasn't excited. not that i don't like the people there ( and by that i mean the people that i work with, the customers are a different story..) i'm just ready for something else. i hate slinging hot dogs and cleaning up explosive dookie off the walls. oh the horror. i have another job lined up, which is the main reason i'm leaving the grill. this couple at my church has a curtain shop and have offered me a job there, so i seized the opportunity! i start on Thursday at 10 o'clock :) 

good things come to those who wait.. and believe me, i've been waiting. 

speaking of good things, i'm getting a tattoo. 

hells yea, i'm super excited. 

its going to be the quote "love conquers all" ( yes i know that can be a cheesy quote, but for me its all about the Jesus love, and when you think about it that way.. it's perfect! ) in front of the quote there is going to be a bird cage with the door open and then little birds flying away. it doesn't sound as good as it will look, i promise it will be intense :) 

so speaking of tattoos, if you have a tattoo, why do you have one? if not, let's say you were to get one, what would it be? 

sorry for the spelling errors.. no spell check :(

yes, i am aware of my absense.. but actually having a life for a few days kept me away for the monotone complaining i tend to bore you with.

let's just get right to the point:
I MET JOHN COOPER.. AGAIN. and it was beyond amazing! (i have a picture but i'm usign the schools computer right now)
the concert was intense. no flames.. but they still rocked my face off. out seats were kinda high(not floor seats) and one time when i was trying to head bang (i'm not very good) i almost fell on the people in front of us.
the losers i should say.
who the F goes to a rock concert and SITS DOWN! come on people. have some respect. if your that tired.. go ride the ferris wheel.
any who.. the whole experience was great. i haven't truely smiled that much in a long time.
went to a wedding literally right after that. well we drove to the beach and the next day went to a wedding. that was pretty fun.. idk. weddings make me apathatic. all i think about it the soaring devorice rate.. and the fact that the dude, or the women will cheat when they get tired of their significant other.
i'm happy for them but, you know. nothing lasts forever. sex, marriage, def not love.
i take that back. Jesus love lasts forever.

i'm at school now and i'm ready to crawl under a blanket and sleep like rip van winkle. isn't that the guy who slept for like a hundred years and woke up to a completely diffrent world? if that's not our boy rip..you get what i mean. just one more class.
then i have to go home and work on that essay that was due earlier..
procrastination will be the death of me.


p.s: this has no substance.. the rain has made me blah..
how does the rain make you feel?

noisy food in the library

the reading room

i really want to eat my crackers.. but i'm in the reading room at the library .. not only is it dead silent in here ( of course its just me) but its the library, and crackers are like the noisiest food in the world! i really should pick a more quite snack...
ok well this chick just literally came in popping gum.. i should start rustling my crackers out of spite.
but i'm not because Jesus wouldn't do that.. actually Jesus would probably be outside, sitting on the grass teaching and eating quite foods like bread. that sounds amazing, doesn't it? ( please note there is no sarcasm in that) in the very least the bread part sounds amazing right now. if you haven't picked up.. i'm hungry. i had the middles of pop tarts this morning and thats it.
did she just say the middles? 
yes, i did..they weren't cooked so i didn't eat the edges because that's just nasty. and since i was driving to school eating i just casually dropped them out the window. like a Hanzel and Gretel trail for me to find my home with. ( if you recall my first day of school, that might actually be helpful in the traffic circle! haha. i'm pretty sure i've mastered it now :)

i seriously need to be studying.. but of course i'm not.
i have my world religions quiz this morning, it was so easy. i made a hundred :)
i have had a lot mess on my mind lately which has led me to make a few dumb decisions. i've been beating myself up over it. but time ( and God) heals all wounds. that sounds drastic, doesn't it?
haha. sorry its nothing bad.. like i didn't go out and sleep with a man whore and then do a couple of lines with him on his passed out girlfriends compact.
anyways.. even if i did do that you wouldn't want to know about it, would you?
yes you would ;)
trust me.. if i ever sleep with a man whore and do crack you'll be the first to know.

delayed work of genius

so, i wrote this on monday.. the internet connection was being gay. its nothing of genius, however, if you feel so led read on :)

i have a slight headache in the top lefthand corner of my brain. i hate these types of headaches.. so annoying.

any who..

friday i took my first western civ quiz. i bombed it with a c-, but thats ok. in my communications class we got our quiz grades back from last week.. i made an a :) 

wednesday i have my first quiz in world religions and on friday my first exam in communications ( yes, i know i should be studying. i will, eventually!)

tonight i went to this prayer group at my church. its a group of about 7-8 ladies and the talk ( obviously) and pray. ( duh, its a prayer group) i never thought about attending until last week when i was chatting with God on my way to school and it just kept coming up in me. i picked up on it that God wanted me to go, so i went and it was pretty cool. lately i feel like my walk is becoming a little stronger. the hunger is growing a little deeper. i keep giving thought to my future and i sometimes it just gets to be to much to think about. i know my heart is now fully set on going to missouri after this year is complete. the rest is in God's hands. i want to make a difference and to be made useful. i know the only way to achieve that is with is help. 

i keep mulling over the idea of a youth pastor.. or just working with youth. i of course i have my doubts, and i feel like when i tell people that they don't take me serious. ( i can see why, i suppose) negative feedback doesn't help.. esp coming from friends. today i was challenged : "can i ask why?" 

yes you can! 

my response was basically: i want to help girls, or anybody going through the crap i went through. i want to reach out and tell them that there is a better way. of course my testimony is on here and i stand by it all the time. and who knows.. maybe God doesn't want me to be a youth pastor.. i think the first step is just trying to figure out what major i'm supposed to take! 

Jeremiah and Jesus

where to begin?
the spit story?
did you see the tiny toilet?? how amazing is that?! 
pretty amazing my friend, pretty amazing. 


the mission trip was defiantly a success. mission completed. 
i think a lot of our work was greatly done behind the scenes. God worked in each of us, i know i can speak for myself especially and say that that in itself was worth it. not a lot of kids showed up for the vbs... and by not a lot i mean 6 did. yep only 6. but we didn't let that bring us down. we gave out best and it was awesome. the lucky ones who did show up really enjoyed themselves. who knew balloons could bring so much joy to a tiny tot? well after using them in two vbs's this year, i now know that. i could go on and on but i'm not sure how much of my Jesus talk you'd stick around and here.(however, i hope it would be a lot) i'm sure i'll share random stories in the near future as i'm reminiscing.  the bible verse that was our motivation and theme was Jeremiah 29:11. if you aren't familiar with that it reads:
"for i know the plans i have for you" declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." 
clearly that is something a college freshman should be leaning on. and i assure you i am. 
speaking of college i start on monday! woot woot. 
who's excited?
well.. i'm.. i'm not sure what adjective to use. i'm def ready to see what all the buzz is about. i'm skeptical about a bunch of stuff. it feels way different than high school ( yes, i know thats the point) and gives me the feeling you have in that dream where your in a crowed hallway naked. thats how i feel. naked. it hasn't hit me completely yet. 
but i'm sure it will smack me in the face on monday. 
wish me luck!.. err pray for me, which ever you feel so lead to do :) 

"look at the tiny toilet.."

This is.. bad video of the awesome bathrooms at the assembly of God in Wilmington.

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Good morning Baltimore

I'm not in Baltimore, I'm in oak island... just for the record. Starting out day two up before the nine am wake up call and before my roommates. So far its been awesome! Yesterday we went to the aquarium,went to the beach/pier, I got spit, and went door to door handing out the vbs flyers. That turned out really well. Praise God. By now you are probably wondering why I got spit on.. no it wasn't from somebody rejecting the lord. It was from one of the guys on the trip.. I'll explain later. For now Godspeed!

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emotional uproar of prayers

i just killed my dad. 
sike! 
i'm trying my hand at writing out this idea in my head again and i decided the dad should be dead, you know tie in some emotional uproar. 
and no, that doesn't mean i subconsciously want my dad dead. cause i know you were so thinking that. 


this writing thing is actually pretty fun. (duh) when you can come up with words you like. and nothing is permanent. i knew that but, i'm learning it now. 


facebook is going to rot my brain and cause me to be one of the dumbest people in the world. 
i start school in two weeks, that can't happen! 
speaking of school, i'm excited and anticipating what it holds for me this year. its going to be way different.  


i'm sleepy. 
go to bed.
i will eventually. 


i got the week off officially for the mission trip! oh how i am rejoicing. i'm so happy :) 
i work tomorrow, and sunday then bam! no work til the next sunday. the only sucky part about that is i virtually loose a week of pay, but its going to be worth it:
"never underestimate my Jesus"  
at training for said trip we have been doing a lot of praying.. which has been amazing. it motivates me to want to prayer more on my own like that. instead of just quick prayers here and there. 

cheesy tease

i want to tell you a story.  a seriously sweet story that has had me grinning all night.. but i can't tell you.. (i know, i'm such a tease) because names will get dropped ( even if i use secert code names you'd still figure it out) and it will open a can of worms that is basically already opened i just don't want to feed the flame..

plus i refuse to bring cheesyness to my blog.. 

well boy cheesyness. unless it deals with John Cooper or any other hot rock star i choose to drool over.

but just know that i have been in a great mood the past few days.. cheeseyness and all :) 

the other night i had a dream that my hair was cut in a bob. omg. it was a nightmare. my hair was at my ears! ohh the horror. 

last night i had another dream that my friends called me fat and laughed me out of my house. in the dream we were at my house and they called me fat and stated laughing at me.. i got upset and ran outside and started running. (i have dreams where i run. a lot) it was weird. but then i had another dream.. that was weird. but fed to my cheeseyness. :) aye! 

oh the update on Tim and internet.. no.. the ethernet thing didn't work out too hot.   

my church mission trip is in a few weeks.. i am stoked! its going to be amazing. we are going to Wilmington to do a vbs at the first assembly church.. where they have no kids! so we are going to draw them and there families to the church. pray with me and plant a seed :) 

i'm all about planting seeds with prayer lately.. its struck a chord with me.

Tim and Jesus

no.. i have not fallen off the face of the earth. i'm sure you were thinking that seeing as how its been like 4 days since i've posted.
things have just been a little crazy the past few days.. plus i still don't have freaking internet at my house!!!!! curse time warner cable!
right now i'm sitting outside  ( literally) of my church using the wifi to transfer music from my friend's computer to tim.. ahh right.
Tim.
Thats what  I decided to call my computer. half because thats my favorite former teachers name who got me into mac's. and plus thats a cool smart name.
any who its hot as balls out here.
i'm ready to go sit in the coolness and eat food and then praise Jesus. seriously.. i'm at youth group. thats what we do :) 

"i am a deranged bird" -S.C

uuugghgghghghghghghmdsdkfljkjkffnmsdmkl!!! 

i hate those moments. my night was great! 

i got off work, went to youth praise practice, went to church, and went out to eat with friends afterward. it was awesome. 

i come home to not awesomeness. 

ugh. blasphemy!

bloody hell! 

i cut my finger at work.. i seriously need to stop cutting myself. its starting to look suspicious. and we are so not going there again! 

.. speaking of.. well sorta not really on the same track,

i've been thinking about the tattoo i want. 

i want a quote on my wrist from a flyleaf song " arise and be all that you dream"

in the song they say dreamed but i want to use present tense because i feel like i haven't stopped dreaming.

i want this quote because it relates back to the whole " i wanted to be dead and didn't feel like dreams for the future were necessary or even achievable" era of my life. 

that time has come and gone but there are things from that that i have to live with everyday. i rejoice the fact that i am here and have big plans for my future! but looking at the physical scars i have sometimes makes me queasy. i want something more positive to look at. and plus tattoos are kinda awesome :)

i'm sleepy.. are you sleepy? 

no thats not rhetorical.. answer me women! .. err man.. whichever you are. 

* this post has nothing to do with deranged birds. 

A God Thing

so i finally finished that book "A Disorder for Longing" and I was very pleased with its ending. Most of it was rather unexpected, which was great! as I've mentioned before the book talked a lot about passion but one thing I noticed was that at the end when Ada is in Brazil they tell her stories of this hidden African religion and she gets really into it, always wanting to know more. that was one thing that struck a chord in me and i wouldn't realize it until later. 

yesterday at church my pastor was reading an exert from some book and it was basically this guy having a conversation with God. Sometimes when you hear stuff like that I don't think people give it too much thought. but as i was giving it great thought, I started thinking I want to have conversations with God. I want to be closer to this invisible being I worship and declare I am going to devote my life to. all of a sudden all my past words felt empty and meaningless. I often feel very ignorant in my own religion, mostly cause I never take real time to read the bible.. which is weird don't you think seeing as how I read so much. I've been in this bunny trail for a while now and I'm trying to do something about it. 

just as Ada did wanting to know more about that African religion I felt a fire spark in me to learn more about my own. i should've realized this before but there is passion, or zeal if you will, to be found in the bible and in God. I realized but, it never registered I suppose. 

With all that.. yesterday when I finished the book I took a break and cleaned my room ( in some form of the word) and tried to decide what book to read next. I was debating on a Jackie Collins book or "Wicked" then I remembered I had that book "90 Minutes in Heaven". I decided on that one. I read the first few chapters last night and it was better than I thought it would be.

I'm taking a world religions class when I start school in the fall.. I'm not really sure what to expect but needless to say I'm excited about it!