Best Breakup Poem Ever

Best Breakup song  poem ever : "Neutral Tones" by Thomas Hardy. 

We have a "best" song for everything - dance, love, party, and the favorite, breakup song. (And all I can think of is Taylor Swift, can you blame me?) 

In the midst of these melodic power cords, we have lost sight of the art of poetry. 
A poem.. oh yea.. I guess that's.. yea whatever. 

Probably what every teenager thinks when the word "poetry" is uttered. 
And I'll admit, sometimes poetry is a drag, esp early British Literature. 
BUT! 

We read this poem in class and it has just struck a cord in me. Even though I'm not going through a breakup, and never really have, I have had my heartbroken and I've read enough books to empathize. 

We stood by a pond that winter day,

And the sun was white, as though chidden (rebuked) of God,

And a few leaves lay on the starving sod;

         – They had fallen from an ash, and were gray.

Your eyes on me were as eyes that rove

Over tedious riddles of years ago;

And some words played between us to and fro

         On which lost the more by our love.

The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing

Alive enough to have strength to die;

And a grin of bitterness swept thereby

         Like an ominous bird a-wing….

Since then, keen lessons that love deceives,

And wrings with wrong, have shaped to me

Your face, and the God curst sun, and a tree,

         And a pond edged with grayish leaves.

It seems long, but read it, I promise it's amazing.

 The third stanza is my favorite. Just take a second to appreciate that. The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing/ alive enough to have strength to die. 

Not even concerning a breakup, this line, just describes every smile in every awkward moment, death, heartbreak, defeated moment in your life. It just blows me away ( am I nerding out too much here?)!!

The  poem, is in fact about a break-up, but not some drag out fight. The two people lost their way in love and just fell apart. I have had arguments with Israel where we both feel backed into a corner and defeated and sometimes you walk away with that dead smile. In our case it didn't break us, but come on! That last stanza keen lessons that love deceives, that is powerful my friend! 

Went to Chapel and We got Marrrrriiiiieeedddd

This post is mainly for my Facebook population, but also for the rest of the world that reads my story. 

Yesterday (June 25 2013) I got married! 

Just let THAT sink in. 

I married my best friend and I couldn't possibly happier. (Well, if I didn't have to wait three days for the honeymoon I'd be somewhat happier.) We had a short and sweet ceremony at the church and then had the attendees back at our place for some food and.. video games. We mainly did this because we were living together already and we did want to right that wrong before God. We figured we're going to do it anyway, we might as well! 

Saying that, we are still having that big ceremony/par-tay in October! 

The ceremony yesterday was just what my pastor called the "I Do" portion. We said hopelessly romantic vows and sealed the deal. (too saucy a phrase?) It was short, but so sweet. I cried the entire time. I tried desperately to hold them back and the more I tried, the more they flowed. 
In that place with Israel and our close guests, I felt God with us and I felt his blessing. I am overjoyed at  starting this new chapter in my life. It was perfect. 
One of the happiest days of my life, and the best part is I get to do it twice! 

Life Goes On

I have become so obsessed with youtube, facebook, and instagram.. oh and pinterest, that i have totally forgotten to write about my life. Which, in your case my be a good thing. 


October is nipping at my heels and there is still so much to do for the marriage celebration! Decorations, flowers, hair, finding the right bra, shoes! In the mix of planning, praying, and trying to force myself to not drink another glass of coke, I am going through the growing pains of becoming the person I never expected to be at this point. 
I am 20 years old, getting married, and I have a cat!! Yes, a cat, named Oliver. (He's a rescue and he is a nice cat, who recently got a bow tie and looks adorable!) 
Panning out my own life is a struggle sometimes, trying to pan it out, plan, look into the future with somebody else requires more than writing out your feelings on the internet.  On one hand it's not so bad because my best friend will always be there with me, but on the other hand, it's dooming because you feel like if you go down, you are taking that other person with you. 
I never thought I'd be here. Of course, we all can say that about some point in our lives. I feel like the decisions that I have made lately will take me on a course that I never dreamed of. Which is not bad. It seems scary and I'm scared of crashing to my death, but just before I hit the rocks, God picks me up again. I am trusting in him to make my life something beautiful. 
To be honest, I have a fear of my life, my story being boring, pointless, but I pray everyday that that doesn't happen. Getting married is a huge milestone for anybody; but for me I had, at one time, a notion that it would hold me back, that my life would just stop and everything I wanted for me would never happen. But I have spent time and time again with God pouring my heart out, telling him my fears, asking for help, and I am ready to spend my life with Israel. We aren't perfect, but we aren't alone. All of the things I wanted for me I can have with him and together, we can experience so much more. 

*hands out tissues* *steps off of pulpit* 

Oh, So You're In Love?

Let's just be real for a second.. just one second. 

If you've been dating a week, you do not love that person. You like them a lot and have those intense stomach butterflies that make you wanna puke.

 Trust me, I know what that's like. (I can testify to these things now!) 

I know this is becoming a pretty common complaint, but it's driving me nuts how people on facebook are like: "i love you baby, ur my whole world. idk what id do w/o u. *insert date*" 

Over the past couple of weeks, I've had to restrain myself from making snide comments because I didn't want to start a fight. But, trust me, I know I'm right. If you've been dating a less than a month and you're already claiming that person is "your world" you need help. and Jesus. He's your world. 

When I first told Israel I loved him, I felt like I was going to puke. (of course this is also part of my personality, I don't just go around loving everybody) And let the record show it was like two months after we started dating. I didn't fall in love with him and confess it until like 3 or 4 months. And even then I was thinking I was rushing into things. 

Being with Israel has been the first and longest relationship I've ever had and I'm not terribly ashamed to admit that because I don't have this horrid track record of guys who did me wrong. With that said, I don't know a lot about relationships from a personal experience, but I've witnessed a lot and seen enough lifetime movies to know what works and what doesn't work. Such as, overusing the L word. 

And most of the time people (especially us young whippersnappers with raging hormones) mix up the L words Love and Lust. And that's another post for another day. 

Dating a week= you do not love that person. You have intense butterflies and chances are you just like having sex with them. 

"Don't have sex, you will get pregnant and die" - Mean Girls. 

Wednesday Update

"life makes love look hard, the stakes are high, the waters rough, but this love is ours." 

Taylor Swift always makes me feel better... most of the time... 

I have survived two whole days this week, a conference with my English teacher, a history test, and managed not to cry when I received a D+ on my last Eng assignment. 

Whew, and it's only Wednesday!! 

As you're now wondering "What?! You made a D+?!!" 

Yes, and I'll have you know that I'm stressing that plus. Instead of having class on Monday and today, my teacher had us schedule conference times to come meet with him in his office. 15 whole minutes. My conference only last 13 minutes, Thank God. 

I did, however, receive good feedback....

 "You're on the right track" and "Don't get discouraged about that low grade, you'll have a chance to revise it."

In all it went well, considering how terrified of him I am. I'm not too happy about that D.. but if I can fix it and bring it up a letter grade, I could be satisfied. 

My apt complex here at Pembroke is hiring a team member. I sent in my resume and sent up a prayer that something good will happen. 

Today is dreary.. it's cool and the breeze is nice, but it's threatening to rain and I have a long walk back to my room after class... I'd rather not walk in the rain. I still have yet to get an umbrella- ella-ella- aye-aye..  

Happy Wednesday Everybody! Hope your day sucks.. I mean. Have a great Day ;) 

me, taylor swift, and israel

SORRY FOR THE ABSENCE!

to be brief and blunt.. i feel like i have fallen off my rocker.
i have come to the conclusion that i don't like school. i i tell you otherwise i'm probably lying. i'm pretty good at that.. or am i? *strokes mustache*

today i have managed to make about 3% progress... as opposed to the 15% i usually try to make.

also today i gave myself a homemade hair cut because i have no money and had absolutely disgusting split ends. however, i have my own scissors, so i just took matters into my own hands. muahahaha.

currently i am listening to Taylor Swift, trying not to fall into the depths of dispair. i've been there a lot lately(hence fallen off rocker)
i am having a hard time adjusting and demons from my past.. that never really stayed in my past have caught up with me. before i reach suicidal breakdown mode again, i contacted my schools counseling service and i'm seeing someone. i just started and so i've really only complained about my english teacher (who is the devil's spawn, btw) apparently i have to figure out what "emily wants". what's going to make her happy? and i'll have you know, i told her my circus idea and she did not object!!!

but enough of that..

tomorrow will mark 6 months of dating Israel. ( a.k.a jeremiah, jerusalem, moses...)
i'm honest to goodness happy about this. yes, of course he makes me jump for joy and goo goo eyed, but over all he makes me content, which makes me happy. i feel like this is one of the most stable things in my life right now. most people don't get that, and people probably think we're crazy, which we probably are, but that works for us.

on an ending note, that's a life lesson i've recently learned: different things work for different people. relationships, school, work, dog preference.. and so on. we have no right to judge what others do.. even that's hard a lot of times. "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" 

College+Love=Mind Blown

I have no idea where to start. I have so many thoughts floating around in my head. 

But, as I've mentioned many times before, this IS MY BLOG and I can say whatever I'd like. 

And thank goodness it's not going to be graded! 

My English class is kicking my buttocks. 

My science/weather class has confused me beyond measure. 

My math class is actually going pretty well.. despite how much I hate math. 

My history class is.. well, it's going. 

There are sometimes ( like today when my work in my Eng class was ripped apart and basically scrutinized to poop.) when I feel like dropping out of school. 

But then a little silver lining appears (like when I make B's on my math work) that I feel like I can keep on trucking. 

Today I made a mantra of saying "I hate college." After a little while of that I realized that I don't really hate college, I hate general ed. Classes you have to take because the man says you have to take. When I can take a whole slew of classes I want to take, I think I might be happier.. and then again I could hate those as well. Hopefully we'll find out. You know, if I don't join the circus before then. 

Ok, so that's like 55% of the floating thoughts, the other 45% is my personal, romantic life. 

(which is going pretty good, thanks for asking:) 

Our relationship (me and my boyfriend, that is) is special. And I'm not just saying that because I'm blinded by love. I'm saying that because we have what is classified as a "inter-religious" relationship. 

It's complicated and then again, it's not. 

I'm a christian/Pentecostal and he's a Jehovah's Witness.  

At first it was weird.. and we weren't even sure it was a good idea.. and this is a long and complicated story.. sorta.. anyway, not really the point. 

The point:  Things have gotten really serious in the short amount of time we've know each other/been together. 

We've been playing "the what if and when" game. 

Over the past few days I've also had a lot of those "wow, never thought I'd be here" moments. And with the big, obvious reason it's really been mind blowing. 

Super-Short Love Story

It's been a few days, so today seemed like a good day to blog. 


Weekends are supposed to be the time when you relax and enjoy yourself. Besides New Years', it's the most counted down date known to man. 
For me, I wouldn't describe this past weekend as relaxing or enjoyable, bittersweet, maybe. 
Friday "some stuff went down" ( you know when people say that Jerry Springer issh is about to happen!). 
I won't go into detail about said "stuff", just know it was a sticky situation among friends (money was involved, hence STICKY). 
It was one of those situations where you can 


A: go off the deep end and ruin relationships that have been the salt to your pepper 
or 
B: swallow your pride, be responsible, and learn from it

I chose B. 
I need the salt to my pepper, and I like to think of myself as a reasonable person... I also hate when people turn things into Jerry Springer Episodes. I may not be the most reasonable person on the planet, but I try to be mature. Which is more than I can say for the guests of Jerry Springer. 


After "the stuff" went down..  the genre of my weekend went from trashy reality t.v to a full out romantic drama full length feature presentation. 


SAY WHAT?


For the past two months I have been harboring a secret relationship. (Some of you may already know about it, but were sworn to secrecy) I was crucial that we kept it on the down low ( I'll explain why later). WE GOT CAUGHT! 




In Jan or Feb I met this guy, who just so happened to by my best friend's cousin. ( talk about keeping it in the family.) At first the thought of anything between us never crossed my mind. There's a lot that goes along with that. 
And thinking about it now, it may take two or five post ( from my point of view) to tell you the whole story. 
So for now I'll give you the super-short version.. 


Girl meets Boy. 
Friendship blossoms. 
Confessions of super fat eight grade crush. 
Due to religious differences, agonizing debate on weather to "give this a try". 
Decide to "give it a try"!! However, must keep it a secret! 
Awkward confessions of Love.
Comfortable confessions of Love. 
Confessions of "In Love". 
Torrid Love affair caught by hottie boyfriend's family. 
Girl feels like she is going to be sick. 
Boy, calmly, takes care of it. 
Change of FB relationship status!! 


You think that's a lot? Wait for the full length feature post.
 If you go to my FB, you will see who he is. 
I can't describe how wonderful he is. Honestly, if you saw how sappy I might get, you might think I've lost my mind. Hell sometimes when I analyze this whole thing, I feel like I've lost my mind. 


But that's ok..  

love according to webster

According to Webster... LOVE has several meanings. 

the first three include: 

  a  : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties   

 b :attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers 

 c : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interest

So when we say we love our mom, it's because we have personal ties with her. 

When we say we love Ryan Gosling, it's because we have a sexual desire for him. 

And when we say we love.. a significant other it's because we have affections based on admiration and common interest. 

Why is she talking about this? I'm glad you asked! 

I was just pondering the word. I feel as if people use the word to loosely nowadays, and when I use it I don't want to abuse the power it once held. ( man, that was deep!) But I'm serious. (as a heat attack) 

I've seen people, we've all seen people, on FB for instance, that are in a "relationship" with somebody for two days and they are dropping L bombs. And not to mention it's always spelled incorrectly.

i.e- bby i luv u. u tha best thang in mu lif and i wud die w/o u! i luv u soooooooooooooooo much!!! :) abc+def 4eva!!!!!

 

 Give me a break.. and spell check! No. You do not LOVE that person. Chances are you are sleeping with that person and you LOVE having sex with them, but them as person, you do not LOVE. 

However, I guess it's safe to say that in a "good relationship" the second two go hand in hand. But that's another battle, for another day. 

I have a strong affection for the taste of pineapples (which sounds really weird now that I've typed it), therefore, I LOVE pineapples. 

My mother held me in her womb for 9 months and we have a personal tie, therefore, I LOVE her. 

And well... when the last LOVE comes to pass, we will blurt that on the internet as well ;) 

I guess the point of this was to educate you on Webster's first three definitions of love.. and how we shouldn't abuse the L word. Tell me, what are things you LOVE.. or just simply have a strong sexual desire for? ;)