Wednesday, October 6, 2010

cross your heart and hope to die.

i don't know why you would have to do that unless you really want to. i want to crawl under a rock right now and die. well not die exactly, but i would like to sleep for a really really long time. i feel burnt out, my plate is so full and i'm barely half way through it.

tomorrow i have an ap test, which i'm very scared for. my grade is pretty good in that class and i dont want to screw it up. the senior project is going good the final paper is due monday and then i have to start working on my product with my mentor. (yikes!!) in november i have something booked every weekend. but its all good things! the first weekend is umm something, then i was going to go to youth convention with my church but i dont think i'm going to make it. on the 20th i'm going to open house at western carolina! woot woot! that is going to be soo fun! then that week on wenesday we are leaving for our cruise! my whole family is going on a cruise. i sorta feel bad because my aunt paid for me and my little sister to go, but i'm really just grateful that i get the opportunity to go. its going to be so great being out in the middel of the ocean surrounded by water, leagallly going outside of the US! :D
on top of all this stuff, i'm having to deal with my dad having a girlfriend and my faultering relationship with my (well was..) best friend. i beleive that things have fallen apart and i always feel like i'm being a bad friend because we dont agree on anything anymore. and all this crap with her wanting to get married at 18! is freaking retarded. this is the 21 century for crying out loud, not the 12!
 anyways life is crazy like it always is but i'm trying to tap into my creative juices to make it better.  cant wait to get out of here!!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

yo mommma.

I'm sitting here.. bored. flipping my hair around, eating mint chocolate cookies and listening to halestorm. well now i guess I'm not too bored.

so much has been going through my head lately i can't contain it all. but i don't really have anywhere for it to go.. so i guess I'm stuck with all the crap in my head. if that makes since. it doesn't really but whatever.. for the one person that reads this is OK. i.e me.
as you should know my parents have split and at first it didn't seem like it would be bad, but alas! my parents did make it terrible. my dad is a lying, cheating loser.. in every since of the words. and my poor mom she is just lost and confused and hurt, but that doesn't she is innocent.. it never does.
i started smoking, but it gave me headaches so i stopped. I'm to poor to smoke anyway. ha ha!
lately i have been feeling really really shitty, for lack of better word. i could feel myself falling, fast, back to that place of darkness. where the light doesn't exist and misery is always in control. but luckily God is on my side! he's once again pulled me from the depths of myself, i just have to keep myself on top of things. i had a thought today: what if i put a little more focus on other people and not just me. BAM!! christian moment :) I'm putting a lot of focus on school right now. which i am so excited for. I'm ready to graduate and go to college. i just don't know where to go. i still really want to go to Evangel, however, i am also considering Western Carolina. the thing is if i go to western i can go after graduating, but if i go to Evangel I'd have to wait a year and prepare to go out there. I'm ready to  "go at the seat of my pants" as mother says, but i don't know where.
anywho.. I'll figure it out somehow.
cutting this short now.. well cutting off. updates again soon :)