shot to hell

let's just lay everything out on the table...

the past few days, weeks, months? i haven't been able to properly function. 

i have no clue what is going on. it's like i've done a 180. 

i'm standing on the edge of the cliff again. don't worry, i don't plan to jump. 

i just don't know how to get myself out of the slump.

maybe it's the change of the seasons.. this seems to happen to me a lot when the seasons change. 

my internal axis gets flipped upside down and my mentality is shot to hell. 

yesterday, i went to the graveyard and walked around and listened to the dead.(a little too poetic?) all the while unloading my shot to hell mentality onto my best friend. (that's what a best friend is, somebody who walks around the graveyard with you because your depressed. that's love my dear readers.) 

"all i need is a little of the good life" 

what is the good life?! 

is it:

• Religion
• Family
• Friends
• Money
• Career 
• Knowledge 
• Contentment 

this is a quick list i made of things i think i want in life(not specifically in that order).. but how can you have ALL of them in the right balance? that's my thought provoking question. 

on a side note, with the thought of having balance in my life i've been thinking about taking up yoga. yea, wii fit yoga, back off! anywho.. maybe some mediation would be good. just a thought. 

i am human. that's no excuse.

Dear Reader, 
went to youth convention.. experienced the Jesus Bubble. it was wonderful. 
came back.. and my Jesus high plummeted. 
story of my life. 


i can't stop thinking about myself, and how weak i really am. when i say weak, i mean i have such a hard problem denying the sin that complicated my life. which we all do, if it wasn't a problem we'd be perfect. 
and let's face it.. none of us are perfect. 


so we have this walk with Christ.. and i picture this walk as a beautiful path. lush green leaves, a crisp breeze, flowers, and the sunlight on just me and God. (man, that sounds great doesn't it!) 
any who.. so on this walk, we sin and mess up.. which is dark, cold and the lush forest turns into a satanic graveyard. i have a twisted sense of humor, so i kinda like graveyards. however, when satan's invited to the party.. i don't like to attend. 
so metaphorically speaking, i'm tip toeing to the graveyard. the whole time, i'm screaming at myself "You Idiot! Turn Back Now!" despite my own wisdom, i keep going and i'm almost there. i'm afraid that if i get to the graveyard i'm going to find myself in the grave. 
so many choices.. and i know what's right. i know what's wrong. 
i am human. and that's no excuse. 


Sincerely, walking dead. 


P.S: what makes you weak?
P.P.S: somebody please say CANDY.. it'll make my day! :)