ipod druggie

lately i have felt distant from my friends and family.. well i have always felt distant from my family. but lately i have felt really distant from my "friends" maybe its in my head, but i dont think it is this time.

see my best friend of all time live in texas. she moved when i was in like.. 6th grade. we talk all the time and she comes home on holiday. but still the distance is tough on are friendship.

i have friends here at home to. and i love them to death. but its like in a puzzel when you take a peice that does't fit but if you push hard enough it looks fine. that how i feel like there was nowhere else in the puzzel for me to go. so i just fell into that group of friends. its uncomfortable like a bad xmas sweater.

i like to be alone. but there is also this horrid streak of personality running through my veins that likes to be the center of attention. its really bad. thats the side of myself i dont like. i love to be loud and ramdom. but not annoying! which i know i can sometimes be.. but everybody is at times. i think lately i have been needing a lot of attention and i wasnt getting it.. thats not good either for me.

my best friend, rachel, is coming home for thanksgiving. im super excited! im really looking foward to it. it will give us a chance to connect again! finally. being away from her is horrid. we change when we are apart.. i dont like it. its sad.

i dont really know where im going with this..

fuck!

there we go.

fuck!

starting to feel better.

fuck!

thats all i can say.

ok not all.. but

its what makes since right now.

so many things are running through my mind right now.

if i could just get a few questions answered i'd be set. but secerts must remain contained.

to slowly eat away at your sanity!

this day has been....

crazy? no. not a good word.
its been long and cold. i felt distant from the whole universe today. When i brought my head down from the clouds long enough to converse the result was horrible. I went right back to the clouds.

I feel the old feelings coming back, you know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that make you feel sad and depressed. The ones that make you question everything and darken your whole outlook. .. yea thoughs. I hate feelings! quite a contradiction but, that's life isn't it?

I haven't been on here in a while.. I don't know why.

Summer was .. OK i guess. Not exactly the best but it was tolerable.
There were concerts attended and Florida was beautiful. Camp was.. another story for another day. The highlight was def. getting my car. Myrtle and obviously my licence:)
I love driving. Looking into the rearview mirrior and seeing the miles behind me. It only increases my anticipation to get out of here! Go to school and gain more independance. I have some now, but not nearly as much as i want! and apparently to my parents to much i cant handle. but do you think i care? .. sometimes i do. when i let what they say get in my head. but if it just passes by then it cant hurt me. .. thats how i see it.