Keep On Keeping On

Last night I had the worst sleep I've had in a long time. 

I tossed and turned and had all sorts of weird dreams. 

Before I went to sleep me and my boyfriend got to talking about "end of the world" religious things. 

Talk about a HEAVY conversation topic.  

As the conversation went on, I just kept getting more and more overwhelmed. 

I think about it and try to find a solution or just something that makes since, and it seems like here lately, nothing makes since. 

The more overwhelmed I got the more on edge I became. 

When I went to sleep I felt scared to move, like I was sleeping on the edge of a cliff. 

Today I woke up, everything still fresh on my mind.

I'm not scared, I'm nervous. 

Is that OK? I have no idea. 

Last night I told him that I feel as like I've been set up to live this life. Your born, you grow up, go to school, get married,.. etc, live a life, get old and then die. That's what supposed to happen! 

Knowing.. or believing that at any moment that will be taken away is a little unnerving. 

For me, the most unnerving thing is not knowing what's "on the other side", if you will. 

We think we have some sort of idea, but nobody knows for certain. 

Thinking Over thinking it this morning, I know there's nothing I can do but keep on keeping on. 

mean reds- mermaid style

i got a case of the mean reds. 
and if you don't know what that means, get off this blog right now! i'm ashamed of you. 
the mean reds isn't like the blues, that when your just sad, the mean reds is when your suddenly afraid and you don't know what your afraid of. 


(go watch Breakfast at Tiffany's)


i find that i end up like this a lot. the worst part is the sudden part. 


i can't sleep and i feel like poop. probably because i'm on my stupid period because i was born as a stupid girl. i hate being a girl.. not that i have a wish to be a boy either...maybe a fish, a bird, or maybe a mermaid. 


i could be a mermaid. swim around in the ocean with my fishy friends in my seashell bra and always gorgeous hair flowing behind me. and unlike ariel i have no desire to walk up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun, wondering free, i don't wish i could be part of this world. 


when i grow up i want to be a mermaid. case closed. 

I expect better of myself.

Over the course of the day I haven't done much, just to be honest with you. 
(This blog is supposed to be about me and my journey through life... at least that's what I think it's supposed to be about. )
Sometimes I surprise myself at how lazy I can be. Which we all knew that, didn't we? 
My room is a complete disaster. Clothes, clean clothes, are in a pile on the floor, the dirty clothes hamper is full again, my closet kinda exploded on itself and my table and dresser... let's not even go there. 
My bathroom needs cleaning.. not to mention all the stuff that STILL needs to be done for my sister's wedding on SATURDAY! 
I can't start talking about that or I'll be here all night. 


You're probably wondering why I'm blogging instead of cleaning my room or cleaning out wine bottles for the wedding. Stop wondering that! I was messing on the computer and here I am. 
Don't give me that look you know you love spending time with me :) 


Due to certain circumstances I haven't been working a lot lately and school is out, so I haven't been doing much which makes me feel extra lazy! I've kinda gotten into the habit of sleeping a lot and... well that's about it. Sleeping. A lot. 
I'm hoping that once work picks back up I'll have more motivation and not feel like such a waste of space. Plus I'll have some cash flow. Which is always a good sign. "Love that money!" to quote Ricky Bobby. 
I think I can handle work starting back, but I'll admit I'm not ready for school. I finally got everything squared away, classes scheduled and financial aid done. But I'm not mentally prepared. 
Last semester threw me for a loop, to say the least. This summer break I plan on getting myself back on track and ready to tackle school. I had a long talk with myself, well I've had several talks with myself, and I expect better of myself! 

12:08 productivity

I'm so sleepy. 

I have to earthly idea why I'm on here. 

I have nothing of interest to say at 12:08 am. I have class in like 8 hours... I need to try to attempt to get some beauty sleep. 

Of course I don't think that all the hours in the day would help...

(this is the part where you comment and say, omg Emily, you are soooo beautiful. :))

Sleep may not help, but a good face wash would. I have been broke out for the past few days. Not sure why I'm sharing that with you, I guess I have nothing else worthwhile to talk about. 

Story of my life: breakouts

Is it me, or is this the beginning of an acne commercial?

On monday I updated my twitter/FB saying that I had several things I wanted to get done this week: laundry, clean my fish bowl, call my grandmother, catch up on school work.. and so on. 

Well I have completed two of those things!! Please hold your applause. 

I called/visited my grandmaw on Monday, and today I cleaned the fishbowl. 

Tomorrow I plan to tackle the ever-growing beast of school work. I still have clean underwear so I can probably hold off on laundry for a few more days ;) 

Yay for productivity!! 

sorry for the spelling errors.. no spell check :(

yes, i am aware of my absense.. but actually having a life for a few days kept me away for the monotone complaining i tend to bore you with.

let's just get right to the point:
I MET JOHN COOPER.. AGAIN. and it was beyond amazing! (i have a picture but i'm usign the schools computer right now)
the concert was intense. no flames.. but they still rocked my face off. out seats were kinda high(not floor seats) and one time when i was trying to head bang (i'm not very good) i almost fell on the people in front of us.
the losers i should say.
who the F goes to a rock concert and SITS DOWN! come on people. have some respect. if your that tired.. go ride the ferris wheel.
any who.. the whole experience was great. i haven't truely smiled that much in a long time.
went to a wedding literally right after that. well we drove to the beach and the next day went to a wedding. that was pretty fun.. idk. weddings make me apathatic. all i think about it the soaring devorice rate.. and the fact that the dude, or the women will cheat when they get tired of their significant other.
i'm happy for them but, you know. nothing lasts forever. sex, marriage, def not love.
i take that back. Jesus love lasts forever.

i'm at school now and i'm ready to crawl under a blanket and sleep like rip van winkle. isn't that the guy who slept for like a hundred years and woke up to a completely diffrent world? if that's not our boy rip..you get what i mean. just one more class.
then i have to go home and work on that essay that was due earlier..
procrastination will be the death of me.


p.s: this has no substance.. the rain has made me blah..
how does the rain make you feel?

woke up smiling... cheesy to tha max!

i slept like a baby rock last night :) 
i love those nights when i sleep good, doesn't everybody? 
but i also enjoy having a super duper great dream and remembering it! so when you wake up you don't think "ugh, i have to go to work today" you smile and think "man i wish that would really happen outside my head"
hopefully thats foreshadowing a good day. this whole week has been sucky, for lack of better word. 
a few good things happened:
got my car back... still needs work done, but at least its back to me. 
i am maintaining an A in my communications class. 
pop quiz on monday.. A 
i'm sure some other stuff happened as well, but i can't call them to memory right now. 
oh yea one more thing. 
you know how somehow i put videos on here.. well they are on my youtube channel.. one of them has over 200 views :) i was encouraged by that. 


quick update on my life:check
i'm gonna attempt to make some kind of video with this web cam.. wish me luck! 

emotional uproar of prayers

i just killed my dad. 
sike! 
i'm trying my hand at writing out this idea in my head again and i decided the dad should be dead, you know tie in some emotional uproar. 
and no, that doesn't mean i subconsciously want my dad dead. cause i know you were so thinking that. 


this writing thing is actually pretty fun. (duh) when you can come up with words you like. and nothing is permanent. i knew that but, i'm learning it now. 


facebook is going to rot my brain and cause me to be one of the dumbest people in the world. 
i start school in two weeks, that can't happen! 
speaking of school, i'm excited and anticipating what it holds for me this year. its going to be way different.  


i'm sleepy. 
go to bed.
i will eventually. 


i got the week off officially for the mission trip! oh how i am rejoicing. i'm so happy :) 
i work tomorrow, and sunday then bam! no work til the next sunday. the only sucky part about that is i virtually loose a week of pay, but its going to be worth it:
"never underestimate my Jesus"  
at training for said trip we have been doing a lot of praying.. which has been amazing. it motivates me to want to prayer more on my own like that. instead of just quick prayers here and there. 

in the real world people get naked and drink juice..

i'm missing out on the annual lake trip because i have a job now and in the real world people don't get to do fun stuff like go to the lake.

so i dropped my sister off to go and i went and got gas and naked juice!! if you haven't ever drank it.. you're missing out. its delicious!

i came back to the home front and made myself a breakfast sandwich ( which is exactly what i had last night for dinner.. leftovers.. you know)

and now i'm here with you...

well you aren't reading this yet..

updating the blog because its been a few days and sadly not that much has changed. i went to work.. oh i went to church last night. that was fun. as always. i helped pikc out costumes to take on the mission trip for bible dramas. always a joy to play in the prop room :)

have you ever woken up in the middle of the night thirsty??

that happened to me last night... i woke up feeling like i had been wondering the dessert for a thousand years with out an liquids in my system. i started to get up and get some ice water but i wasn't that motivated and i fell back asleep. but this morning i woke up and chugged water. strangest thing. i don't think that's ever happened to me.

also, another thing that happened to me.. one of my crazy dreams. me and a person.. were walking and all of a sudden he ( yes it was a he.) grabs my arm right above my elbow.. kinda like how you would hold somebody's hand.. but he was holding my arm. weird.. like why wouldn't he just grab my hand.. why my arm. it was awkward to say the least.

on the left side of my mouth i have wisdom teeth coming in.. oww.

F

i am going to hike up a tall mountain and drop the f bomb like nobody's business. 

then i will jump off said mountain. 

F. 

F. 

F!

F!!

*splat*

thats how its going down.

i worked today.. first time i ever opened, it went great.  until the last hour. eff me. it took me like two hours to clean up.. when it should've barely taken me one. then the mop bucket tried to attack me. it did. and won. 

then i get home and ( oh by the way... my computer is here!! ) trying to figure out how to get wireless working at my house.. ugghh. of course its like fighting to the death. every freaking thing has to be so d*** difficult!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhhajklfsjklsdfjklsdfjklsfjklfnklsdfkljffucksdjsdkasjkhwjhsjkhdfjknhadkgnasjhsjkhsjkjklsdfklffuckeklsdksdfjklsdfklfkjfjskljfduckd

i don't know whats going on with me.. i have been getting really irritated lately. its getting on my own nerves.

the stupidest things set me off. 

maybe i need to go back to therapy... 

i have a hangnail! 

perfect timing, huh.

maybe i'm just a spoiled brat.. because i can't get what i want when i want it. humm.. 

maybe this is a test from the big man to practice patience?? 

maybe not and the whole universe is against me!!! 

lets go with that one ;) 

also i think i'm going to delete lady gaga as a friend on Facebook, she too is getting on my nerves. 

maybe i should go take a nap. i think that will help, don't you?

it's like he can read my mind