me, taylor swift, and israel

SORRY FOR THE ABSENCE!

to be brief and blunt.. i feel like i have fallen off my rocker.
i have come to the conclusion that i don't like school. i i tell you otherwise i'm probably lying. i'm pretty good at that.. or am i? *strokes mustache*

today i have managed to make about 3% progress... as opposed to the 15% i usually try to make.

also today i gave myself a homemade hair cut because i have no money and had absolutely disgusting split ends. however, i have my own scissors, so i just took matters into my own hands. muahahaha.

currently i am listening to Taylor Swift, trying not to fall into the depths of dispair. i've been there a lot lately(hence fallen off rocker)
i am having a hard time adjusting and demons from my past.. that never really stayed in my past have caught up with me. before i reach suicidal breakdown mode again, i contacted my schools counseling service and i'm seeing someone. i just started and so i've really only complained about my english teacher (who is the devil's spawn, btw) apparently i have to figure out what "emily wants". what's going to make her happy? and i'll have you know, i told her my circus idea and she did not object!!!

but enough of that..

tomorrow will mark 6 months of dating Israel. ( a.k.a jeremiah, jerusalem, moses...)
i'm honest to goodness happy about this. yes, of course he makes me jump for joy and goo goo eyed, but over all he makes me content, which makes me happy. i feel like this is one of the most stable things in my life right now. most people don't get that, and people probably think we're crazy, which we probably are, but that works for us.

on an ending note, that's a life lesson i've recently learned: different things work for different people. relationships, school, work, dog preference.. and so on. we have no right to judge what others do.. even that's hard a lot of times. "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" 

College Weenie

I need a job, or at least some structured activites here at college, or i'm afraid I might turn into an even more weenie. To show you what I mean, I have photo evidence of my weenie-ness. Enjoy: 

I know what you're thinking "DANG, can I dem digits?" 

Ladies and Germs, there is no logical excuse for this. 

So far this is what college has done to me. My brain is still mushy from three months of doing nothing, and the aftermath of last semester. I'm not warmed up for critical thinking, analytical math question that are IRRELEVANT in the REAL WORLD, quizzes (pop or planned), or reading assignments. 

As far as the last hour of my college existence I have been glued to pintrest. 

I attempted the Braided Headband". It's soo cute. And since I'm such an avid lover of the braid, I'm trying to spice up my regular side braid. I think it might look better if my hair was curly, but here's my attempt: 

Hairy Situation

With not working much and not being in school right now, I have a lot of time to sit on my butt and not do much.

I mean I guess I could clean, give back to the community, or ... 

God help me, EXERCISE. 

yea.. or maybe not. 

Today was one of those days when I woke up and did not like what was staring back at me in the mirror. 

Regardless of the fact that my physical appearance sucked! ( breakouts, frizzy hair, bags under my eyes, eye buggers.. and so on.. ) 

I also have the heavy failure feeling drooping on my shoulders. Sitting around looking like a bum, I felt like a bum. Finally about two o'clock I looked myself in the eye and said "take a shower you smelly bum".

After my self- motivational speech I made it to the shower. Once I got in the shower my next thought was 

"humm I should probably shave while I'm in here" 

OMG WHY DO WOMEN HAVE TO SHAVE SO MUCH?!!

It a twenty minute attempt to de-hair myself. Not to mention the next 15 minutes it took to wash my hair, face, and body.  When I got out I noticed that I missed like half the bak of my thunder thighs and cut myself in like three places. It would have been easier to go to a butcher... well ok, maybe not. 

Usually after a shower I feel relaxed and less bum-ish looking.. not today. 

I was so frustrated after I got out the only thing I could do was cry. 

Ok, I didn't cry.. 

but I did use my good lotion and spent another twenty minutes on my hair and make-up.. which did make me feel a little better about myself. 

speaking of..

i went to wal mart last night on a mission to get some much needed shampoo and conditioner. i got the shampoo and conditioner, and sweat pants, and Ben and Jerry's FroYo. 
geez one guy doesn't call me back and i have a meltdown. 
i jest, i jest. i didn't have a meltdown. i just really wanted  ice cream and the sweats are super comfy! 
it just ironically came to pass that i bought them on the same weekend that that one said guy didn't call me back. 
speaking of the opposite sex, i was telling my grandmaw about how when i sit there and think about boys it stressing me out and that i believe i spend to much of my time doing that. 
her reply was that it was natural at my age and that if i wasn't thinking about boys she would be concerned.
speaking of my grandmaw, i went to her house today to visit since it had been awhile. 
when i got there she was pulling weeds, talk about perfect timing. i helped her finish up and then she asked if i ever got the trash up out of my car ( that she bought me). i played around the question. 
yea, its not that bad right now. well long story short we picked the trash up, changed the seat covers, washed the floor mats, flushed and refilled the antifreeze, put oil in the.. wherever oil goes and we are still not done! myrtle needs a filter and power steering fluid AND the freaking tag needs to be updated. 
*if anybody rats me out to the cops i will hunt you down and destroy you* i'm working on it! 
i love my grandmaw. i'm sorta complaining because that wasn't exactly what i had in mind when i set out over there, but then again she's on top of it and gets things taken care of that i didn't even know needed taking care of. 
speaking of something else... the SKILLET concert is this friday and of course i'm attending :) 
words cannot express how excited i am! a few days a friend of mine asked me what songs i wanted them to play the most. thats not a fair question. i want them to play them all! muhaha. i'm a greedy panhead. 
if i had to pick one i think it would the the last night . its from the comatose album and holds a special place in my heart. it was basically my favorite song when i was going through my.. rough time or whatever the heck ya wanna call it. if you don't listen to Skillet, go now. if you don't like them, don't ever talk to me. it just won't work out. here's a video of skillet awesomness! p.s : John Cooper is my Justin Beiber.. so back off. 

confessions (what's inside my head)

(for those of you who don't get the reference of the title, its a RED song. go listen to them. they are awesome! ) 


lately i have felt just .. blah. what else is knew? well i take that back, not really blah, more like.. frustrated. 
frustrated with me and my life. i have expressed this before and i will express it again. it seems like my life is stuck in slow motion while everybody else is going at the speed of light. 
you the saying "live everyday like its your last". yea, i'm def not doing that. i procrastinate to much, first off. 
i have no idea what i want to do with my life.. i know what i DON'T want to do. but that doesn't really help me pick a college major. 
also on the subject of my feelings.  i realized that i have this bad habit of being a liar. or something close to it. i often feel hypocritical. what do you mean? 
as you know, i'm a christian. i stand by my beliefs but, i feel like i make choices and do things sometimes that would make people think less of me. and thats where the lying comes in. i lie about the bad decisions and choices because i don't want people to think less of me. 
like.. when i cuss. most of the time it just slips out.. way to easily i might add. the other day i dropped the F bomb in front of my mom and i thought she was going to choke. 
and smoking is something else i've been dealing with lately. 
the first time i tried smoking i was sure i would never do it again. wrong. not saying that i'm addicted to cigarettes. but i kinda enjoy them every once in a while. (i probably shouldn't be confessing this, but i'm tired of feeling like i'm living two different lives) i enjoy mint. and cigarettes come in mint flavored. i kinda feel like Audrey Hepburn at times when the smoke lingers out of my mouth. i know its frowned upon, esp in my situation, but i have to say, honestly, i'm the kinda person who can take them or leave them. i've only bought on pack in my entire life. i usually bum them off people :) 
i think there comes a time in life when you have to establish who you are. i've been trying to do that for 18 years now and lately i feel like i'm failing. 
i enjoy some country music. there i said it. 
sometimes babies are cute.. i still don't want to squeeze one out of my secret place though. 
i like Starbucks. 
i like stretching my ears. 
and i like the blonde streak in my hair. 
i have been getting ragged about it lately and its pissing me off! its my freaking hair. and they are my ears. leave me alone. and i will more than likely get a tattoo in this lifetime, so go ahead and grab a barf bag. i try not to be an uptight person.. but being around stiffs all the time makes me anxious. i don't like being anxious. i like smiling and acting crazy. i can't do that when i don't feel like Emily. 


ever feel like that? 

"victory is mine"

have you ever known a person and all you have to do is look at them and feel disgusted? 
of course you have... its only natural. 
i have a handful of people that fall under that category. i think it would be awesome if you could just march right up to them, get all in their grill, and be like "i. don't. like. you.", and calmly walk away.
no girl fight where clothes and hair start flying.. just a a simple, strong, stern message of your discontent with them and then bam! the whole ordeal is over. they are out of your life forever. 
ahh. they could capture the incident, bottle it, and sell canned victory! 
i'd buy it :) course i wouldn't have too cause its my idea, so i'd be the one selling it to you. 
would you buy it?


any who.. 
actually there is no any who tonight.. 

cheesy tease

i want to tell you a story.  a seriously sweet story that has had me grinning all night.. but i can't tell you.. (i know, i'm such a tease) because names will get dropped ( even if i use secert code names you'd still figure it out) and it will open a can of worms that is basically already opened i just don't want to feed the flame..

plus i refuse to bring cheesyness to my blog.. 

well boy cheesyness. unless it deals with John Cooper or any other hot rock star i choose to drool over.

but just know that i have been in a great mood the past few days.. cheeseyness and all :) 

the other night i had a dream that my hair was cut in a bob. omg. it was a nightmare. my hair was at my ears! ohh the horror. 

last night i had another dream that my friends called me fat and laughed me out of my house. in the dream we were at my house and they called me fat and stated laughing at me.. i got upset and ran outside and started running. (i have dreams where i run. a lot) it was weird. but then i had another dream.. that was weird. but fed to my cheeseyness. :) aye! 

oh the update on Tim and internet.. no.. the ethernet thing didn't work out too hot.   

my church mission trip is in a few weeks.. i am stoked! its going to be amazing. we are going to Wilmington to do a vbs at the first assembly church.. where they have no kids! so we are going to draw them and there families to the church. pray with me and plant a seed :) 

i'm all about planting seeds with prayer lately.. its struck a chord with me.

cereal killer!!

when i sleep.. i hold my hands at a very awkward angle.. meaning that i bend my wrist in. and i keep waking up with pains in my wrist. call me crazy but i think the two may be closely related. 

i should probably stop sleeping like that. 

oo. i want some cereal. 

i believe we have fruit loops. that'll do!

delicious. 

any ways.. (ever noticed how much i say that phrase?) 

i think its safe to say that this is going nowhere.....

except me showering doing my hair and then going to work! 

but alas its Friday!! i have a date tonight ( i know you're thinking "omg! finally") sorry to bust your bubble but its just with friends. we are going to eat and i am going to hunt a trunk. 

what?

a trunk?
i want a trunk for all my keepsakes.

Hair, Drama, Pettiness

Some days I have really bad days. Like everybody else. But then there are other day when I have really good days. And then I have these random days out of the blue where my hair just decides its going to be awesome. Friday happened to be one of those days. See that hottie other there? Yep that's me. Check out that bang action. It was so awesome I had no choice but to take a million pictures of myself on my camera phone. I uploaded a few more on facebook. ( go look at them and lust over the hair! and comment! ) My hair is easily my favorite feature. It was super long when I was a kid. And then in the eighth grade I decided to copycat my cousin and cut it really short. One of the worst ideas of my life. Seriously. Easily one the top five worst mistakes. But ALAS! After about 4 years its finally getting some good length back on it. I love it :)

Now that I have ranted about my hair (which you are now jealous of) let me pour out of my soul the drama that has taken place over the last few day(s). As you know.. I'm pretty sure  you know... my parents are going through a "civil" divorce. ha! (please hint the sarcasm) Actually its pretty gross but, I digress. My dad has a girlfriend/mistress/ lady thing. And my mother hates it for various reasons. But anyways he is basically living with her and there has been some debate about me and my little sister maybe going to live with him.. which my mother also hates. I have decided I'm not going to live with him. Ever. However my little sister is still entertaining the idea. Sometimes she goes to stay with him and that basically throws an atomic bomb in my mothers face. Well Saturday my sister and mother went to the store and everything was OK. I was in the shower when they got back and all I heard was screaming. They came in the door auguring and I could hear my sister screaming and crying. (my little sister has this thing where if she doesn't get her way she freaks the hell out and ruins everybodys day.) Apparently she didn't get her way and they were fighting over the phone because she had already called my dad fussing about my mom. Mother took the phone away.. which made it worse. Somehow she got a phone and called him. After she got off the phone she announced she was going to stay with him that night and then she was going to live with him. My poor mom gets all out of whack when this crap happens. She thinks its a direct attack on her and from my little sister's POV it may be but, I don't think it is. And I could be wrong. ( I hate saying that) That episode was wonderful. I personally think that if she does leave it can only make things better. That sounds mean but it would take away from the fussing and fighting. I love my little sister I do but.. dang. You put her attitude in a room with my mom and my dad on top of it... BOOM! I could go on and on but I'm beginning to bore myself.      

I also have another problem. My friends are beginning to get on my nerves. I have a couple of friends that I never saw everyday and now I get to see them a lot. Like just about everyday. I love them to death but there are some things they really don't get about me. One friend trys to finish my sentences a lot and never gets it right. It so annoying! This other friend is wonderful but she talks a lot. And she always steals my thunder! well not always.. but in cases like this: we both like the same boy but she doesn't know that yet. before I could muster up the nerve to tell her I sorta kinda like him (which I shouldn't really like him but that's a different post!)  she tells me she likes him. and that's not even fair because I don't want her to think I stole the idea and she already has a freaking boyfriend! It may seem like I take them for granted and I try not to think these thoughts but sometimes I honestly cant help it. ( this paragraph may come across as petty and immature.. but, I was born this way! )