Tuesday, November 5, 2013

adults worry about growing up too pt.1

This morning, as well as yesterday.. in fact now that I think about it, I've been feeling like this for a while now. 
Often, I get this fear that I'm losing myself, which immediately brings this panic of "do I really know who I am?" Of course, this may just be left over teenage insecurities? Or is that wishful thinking? Don't adults worry about growing up too? I believe it stems from not wanting to get to the end of your life and have regret. It's easy to get caught up in the hype and pressure of "YOLO" and "carpe diem." Live life to the fullest and squeeze everything you can out of it. The sad part comes from all the limitations that we face, and even create for ourselves. 

Lately, I just feel trapped in this box. The crazy thing is that the box has windows and a door, I just don't know how to get out. I'm making myself stay in this place where I feel helpless. And then on top of that I think, your problem is that you spend too much time thinking about yourself. If you can get out of your head, you'd be ok. I believe me, too. I know that small problems can be just that, small, hardly a problem. But if you spend too much time chewing and mulling it over that it turns into this huge monster and you don't even want to get out of the bed in the morning. 

Whew, life sucks and then you die, huh? 
Sorry to lay this on you, but I feel like if I don't get it out I'll just keep chewing and mulling. And quite frankly, I don't have time to spiral into depression right now. The end of school has popped up and so have papers and tests. I am so ready for break, I can taste it. Yummy. 

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