Saturday, July 2, 2011

passionate arsonist

blah blah blah..
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this is what i think and feel like as of right now.
i can come up with one particular reasons as to why i wanna pull my hair out and go arsonist on old buildings.
i know its not my period talking because that's over with and its not my lack of job ( because i have one now! )  its..well idk. i'm just frustrated with me i guess. and no this has nothing to do with a boy.. well ok that's a little bit of it. but that the one you're thinking of i assure you.

i'm still reading that book "The Disorder of Longing" and passion is a theme. having passion for life and love (sex) you know was basically forbidden for women in the late 1800's so Ada is just trapped in her lust for passion and she's drowning. I  don't feel like i'm drowning.. i just feel like there is still something missing. not like the lack of higher being love.. something i can't put my finger on yet.. that frustrates me. i feel like i got a good step into the real world but when does life being? when do you actually feel like your living?
is it when you basically sell your soul to the devil by getting married?
when you pop out a kid or five from said marriage?
when you work a dead beat 9-5 job?
( if this describes you, and offends you sorry..)
you get the point right?
same ole, same ole doesn't cut it.

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