Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Grinds My Gears

"Know what really grinds my gears?" - Peter Griffith
I'll tell you what grinds my gears.

1. being poor.. well not poor exactly, just not having enough money to live as comfortably as I'd like.
2. making my bed.
  - i think its the dumbest chore ever. I hardly do it, but when i get nagged about it i get irritated. my bed is my personal island. if i want it to be messy, by George it shall be messy!
3. my parents. no explanation needed.
4. trying to get out of high school and into college. this is easily one of the worst three seasons of my life.

there are more things i could add to this list, but i hardly have the energy too rehash them.

Austin: "ah, have you ever cried a river? drowned the whole world, perchance?"
Me: " I have cried a thousand rivers. but i do most of the drowning, instead of the world."
Austin: "that was deep :( and sad.

to say "life sucks" would be a very immature and yet obvious thing for me to say. i have felt myself being pulled closer and closer back to the edge of that dark place i know i should stay out of. i want out so bad i can taste it. but I'm like a bird with clipped wings who can't get off the ground. i know one day i will be able to fly, the waiting is whats killing me. slowly. as I'm closer to an ending and a beginning everyday i feel a little piece of my soul darkening a bit more. my hope for the future is turning into worry that i won't be OK when i get there. i need to spend time with the one who i know will help me. i just have this bad habit of building a wall and shutting Him out when i need him most. i need to make a mental note not to do that.

so many notes.. I'm running out of ink.

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