feelings: look what they are doing to me

ever feel like you've ran out of things to say? or you have stuff you want to express to the world and get off your chest but you can't because now that you are actually averaging at least 2 views a day on your blog there is a chance somebody will read what you say and it could start a bunch of mess that you don't want started? ever feel that way?

of course i feel that way. i feel everything! for somebody who is "emotionless", as i've been called, i sure do feel an effing lot! 

but than again if you think about it you don't want to bring "drama" to your blog..well didn't i say that people thrive on drama? yes i did, or something close to it, but sometimes its best to push stuff under the rug right?

right?

no? 

i didn't think so. 

you know i never was one for cleaning.just not my thing. 

i woke up early again.. the past couple of nights i have not been sleeping well. i toss and turn, have retarded dreams ( not unusual), and wake up feeling groggy. i hate waking up feeling groggy. makes me feel unaccomplished.  i keep dreaming about the beach. which makes since. i want to go back. i could see myself living at the beach. and i have to say i am considering looking at Wilmington again. i was applying there but then i decided not too because i was all fired up about Evangel.. and i still am ( i think). i honestly don't know anymore. Its so cold and its far away. there is NO beach. not anywhere close by. but then again it has all the other stuff i'm looking for. and yes i know if i go to Wilmington you won't be chilling on the beach everyday. i know that. but it would be closer to home, warmer, i have two of my best friends there, and they do offer programs for all the stuff i am looking at studying. and i still have no idea what i want to do. i want to do theater/ drama ( i think) but i still feel hesitant. but i can't think of anything else i'd rather do. other than creative writing or something with English or literature.

but first i need a job! 

and i will find one!

that is my current mission. i need a job for the obvious reason of money! and i have to get off my butt and out of my house! plus i'm ready to start doing something with my life. i feel like i'm sitting here wasting away..