Confession #1

i try not to confess things.. it makes me feel to vulnerable. however, i will confess this:

 i want to be interesting.

does that seem vague, or just stupid to you? if it seems stupid, go stick it where the sun don't shine. if its vague, what i mean is i want creativity and passion to run my life. i don't wanna be in the same place my whole life. i want  to do all kinds of things ( job wise and recreational), taste things, see things, travel, write, read, swim, fly.. everything. except roller coasters! and maybe snakes. i wanna drink wine on my patio overlooking the city while i read a great book. travel around the world, hell i love traveling across the USA. that is one thing that excites me about going to Missouri.

this little job i have snagged ( see previous post) i believe will give me a few inches of freedom and responsibility. all of which i am excited for.

and if you are wondering "where the heck did this come from?"

good question!

i am reading this book " The Disorder of Longing" and so far its pretty good. the main character, Ada, has qualities that i totally can connect with. however, it takes place in the late 1800's and her spirit is being imprisoned by society and her husband. there are some things that really ruffle my feathers but, i have a feeling in the end it will all work out to her advantage.( hopefully along the lines similar to A Doll's House, where at the end she just leaves and shuts the door behind her! go Nora :) in the first chapter of the book Ada wakes up and goes for a stroll all by her self, which is what she wanted, and she got in trouble by the staff in her own home and her husband. yes i know that's how things were back then, but its no excuse. i have this quote on my wall that i love:

"your left hand loves candlelight. your right hand loves the spotlight. your left hand declares commitment. your right hand declares independence. women of the world raise your right hand"

where am i going with all this? 

quite frankly, i have no idea. i just woke from a nap and wanted to finish this ( i started yesterday) and now i'm at a loss. 

i think my whole point is i just want my life to have substance. not just a run of the mill life. if i want to take a stroll all by my loan-some i shall walk. God made this world too big and beautiful for us to not enjoy it and take advantage of it.