non- deep post that got semi deep

i had some deep stuff to blog about.. I'm to tired to blog that deep. 

highlights : 

today pastor asked "what is the meaning of life?" see? deep! answer that.. and we will elaborate later.

senior day is tomorrow! 

i also had a rant about Austin Andrews ( grin like mule because i know when you read this you will grin. and then you will point it out to me and probably others that i mentioned you.) but i will hold off for now.. that's not deep just kinda long and too ranty for this late at night. however i will point out that i not only have authority issues, i have attachment issues. if we declare friendship.. i expect that to be.. permanent? i guess is the word. even joking.. esp when i can't tell if your joking.. about that friendship not meaning as much to you as it does to me makes me scared.. i feel like a loser for letting it get to my head. obviously this has happened to me before.

i got a fan for my room! sweet victory :) 

we did a new song at youth today and I'm pretty sure i lead that song.. and i think it went well. i was quite pleased. 

opening night is tomorrow! ahh I'm so excited and I'm trying to get scared and sike myself out. I've been praying and i think it will be fine. i love theater. I'm sad the class is almost over but, i feel like this experience had been good for me. its motivated me a lot more. still not sure exactly what i am doing in college ( baby steps Emily!) but this feels like a good direction. 

speaking of?! have i told you that i am throwing around the idea of being a youth pastor.. err something like that. i know that's not something you just decide for yourself, at least i don't think you should, but since the idea is in my head ( and that's not something i would choose for myself) i am pretty sure its a God thing. i still want to attend evangel.. so if i go there i could get a degree in theology (kinda scary) and minor in theater. that leads me to do ministry and theater.. ministry theater. *also if i do this.. well i should do this anyway.. i will get my potty mouth under control! 

catchy title

what makes anything any of us have to say important?(i have pondered this thought dozens of times!)

was that too harsh?

no? ok. good. i'm glad you agree. i mean think about it.. 

just because you had a crazy road trip this afternoon taking your friend home and got lost (because neither one of you knew where you were?!,obviously) and the dooming thought of running out of gas was dominating your every thought, how is that important? unless you are like a celeb and then everybody becomes obsessed with a napkin you used that time you secretly went to McDonald's, but then it wasn't a secret anymore because paparazzi caught you! 

well not to toot my own horn but does being in the upcoming school play make me a celeb? probably not? and if you are the lucky turd reading this, why are you hear? what am i saying that makes you keep reading? was it my catchy title? my obvious sarcasm? my wit, charm, my handsome good looks? maybe its the fact that i keep complementing myself...

i have to leave you soon because i have to clean my room, and i have to curl my naturally curly hair.

but, if you haven't caught on, i have been contemplating my self worth yet again.. well maybe self worth is too much of a term. what i mean is like i keep wondering what am i doing with my life? what can/will i say and/or do that will be of importance. when its all coming down (and trust me its, coming down hard right now) i often wonder if its going anywhere. will i get out of what i'm in?

think about it.. gosh knows i spend too much time thinking, you might as well too.

random quote, and some other stuff

"go suck a railroad spike, i haven't gotten any money" - stewie. 

not really sure why i just open with that quote.. i literally just heard it on family guy and thought it was funny. 

it feels like forever since i've blogged, even though its only been like two days maybe. ( this is a sign of my addiction)

prom.. not going to elaborate on that, however, if you are wondering if i got plastered.. i did not! went to church that next morning and did not feel like a wad of shame. it was great! the over all night i'd have to give a B-. 

i have had dress rehearsal the past two nights, and one on wed. i think i am doing pretty well.. i feel pretty prepared.. others however, i cannot say the same for. we open on Friday and me thinks my teacher is fixing to fall off the edge. which i can't blame him. any who.. i'm excited. 

registered for classes today at (community) college! the lady was pretty intense. she talked at me and somehow i got suckered into taking a speech class. oh well.. i guess that's useful in theater.

i was bombarded.. i didn't quite know what to do.. i didn't have many choices so it went pretty fast. i hopefully will only be there for a year. i'm so scared of making a wrong choice and screwing up my life i can't sleep at night.. ok that's a lie.. however i do stress over it a lot! i have the gray hairs to remove it. 

ok.. not going there. 

i am going to bed. to sleep. i absolutely dread the thought of waking up to math at 8 am!

I hate feet

Always have. Don't want you lookin, touching, nothing near my feet and I wont mess with yours.
Since this prom thingie is tonight my mother got this bright idea that I shouldn't go with mangy looking feet. I agreed,however, this means somebody was going to have to touch my feet. Big no no. There is no way I was going to pay somebody to torture me by hacking away at my feet. I made an even worse decision.. letting my mother do it. We were going to do this yesterday but I fell asleep so, now we are sitting on the front patio for the whole world to see her messing with my feet. I can honestly say I'd rather be cleaning my room.

Yea don't lie you like that leg shot ;)

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this week in a rant

today this week has been one huge batch of long suffering. and to top if off i feel completely unaccomplished!

i have dress rehearsal on Sunday and I'm freaking out that my white dress may be see through! plus this whole week i have been screwing up my lines! I'm no where near being done with my psych class (its an online course), i still have fees i owe the freaking school, that piece i need for my car has not been bought, i need a freaking bra for my prom dress and! my room is a disaster!

and and! there is all this drama at school that has caused me to be dramatical because I'm not in it. let me try to explain: there is a girl ( as always) well two or three girls really who are having boy issues ( the kind of things you talk about with other girl friends!!) and they all talk about it with each other, excluding me! what gets me is the fact that they have these conversations together while I'm present. I mean really? you are going to bring up all this baby momma drama and talk about it IN FRONT OF MY FACE and not let me in. that's cool. because i already know anyways. I READ FACEBOOK! seriously though, its irritating! if you don't wanna talk to me about that, that's fine. chances are i don't wanna hear but, I'd like to be given the option of you talking my ear off.

if this continues over to Monday i may be scared for life. that on top of everything else has gotten me so revved up. my blood pressure is soaring!

OK. i think that's enough for now.. 

any who.. prom is this weekend. yay! ( with mild sarcasm) I'm excited but at the same time not totally thrilled.

ha! this is funny.. today i took a friend home from school and on the subject of prom the conversation went something like this: 

friend: what are you doing after prom?

me: hopefully getting plastered.

friend( with scared face): that's sad.

me(laughing and half lying): I'm joking! 

friend: no your not. that makes me sad.

 I am not going to push the issue on this, however, I will say.. don't come at me with the whole " you don't need drugs and alcohol to be cool" crap. first off I don't do drugs, second, duh! i know that, and third don't act like your so innocent. I know what you did last summer. muhaha! 

my mom is calling.. 

time to go get a bra! 

OH MY GAGA!

OK, so for the media's sake can we please talk about Mother Monster, or Lady Gaga, if you are not one of the self proclaimed little monsters. Yes, I believe we will.

When Gaga busted into the music scene in what was it..2008 I believe it was def a shock. Who was the chick dry humping a blow up whale in a kiddie pool at some outrageous house party? ( see Just Dance video.)  We could tell she was wild, ridiculously outrageous, and scared everybody over the age of 40. When that song came out I thought it was pretty cool. She's the underdog's hero! Hell, she even has her own town on farmville now! Yea, get on Facebook. Check that out.

Well for me, all that is fine and dandy. I jammed out to plenty of her stuff and I appreciate and agree with most of what she stands for. However, I think that when the song "Born this way" came out.. that seems like a breaking point. Now you may not agree with that, you may think that happened a long time ago. esp with the meat dress. (sorry vegetarians) I watched that video (born this way) and I was like WTF? It really didn't go with the song... and I have another bone to pick with her.. you know how she is all about the gay people? well what about the fatties?? Just saying.. in every freaking video she wears barely there undies, what kind of message is that sending? Think about it. If your fat you know what I'm talking about.. let see some hefty Hanna's shaking it with gaga instead of stick Stacy.

Any ways.. that's not what I want to focus on right now! 

"Judas" is the latest song.. (well I think there is actually another song "Hair" err... something like that which I haven't investigated yet. )

If you haven't heard it... well lets just say its not something I'm going to recommend to you. I listened to it like 3 times reading the lyrics and watching the video and it made no sense. There were big time bible references and that didn't sit well with me. If you go to church and know that song "it is well with my soul", this song went totally against that. No offense but I don't think she should call herself a "holy fool."

I watched and I was kinda dumb founded afterward. I still can't make a solid opinion. Other than it makes me really uncomfortable.

Check out the video and leave me comments about what you think of this..

hospitals and camo and proms, oh my!

let me begin by updating you on mom: 

first off there was a huge mix up at the hospital with information being passed around! the first doctor she was seeing was the mastermind that told her she was going to be rushed to surgery and had everybody in a panic. she led us to believe things were super bad. well yes, they are pretty bad, however, this surgery isn't something they do as an emergency thing. there has to be and evaluation done first to check the heart and all that good stuff. we found this at from another doctor that took over the case the next day. to shorten this story... 

she has a doctor's appointment today and after that we will know more about when the surgery is and how long and stuff like that. more details.

its been a really long weekend it seems like. my uncle came rushing up from Florida because he was really concerned. he's helping my mom out trying to get this stuff straight which is good.

OK. so mom, check! 

what else? hum..

 ah. right those pictures plus stories. 

Thursday i went with a friend to this bridal shop in town so he could get a tux. We were flipping through this huge book of formal wear for men and in the middle of the book we stumbled across this:  

yep. you are seeing that correctly. a camo tux. i couldn't decide to laugh or cry. turns out we laughed til we were in tears. oh wait! it gets better. the girls come over there and started laughing to. she said that somebody actually ordered that for prom because his date has camo on her dress!!! we asked if the people were from our school and they were pretty sure they were. which wouldn't surprise me. i honestly can't wait to see if anybody shows up with this tacky get-up. that's just awful. sorry to all you gun slinging rednecks but, that literally is a fashion crime. 

on the subject of prom i am in distress trying to find stupid shoes that match my dress. i have literally searched everywhere to find something. i am boiling down to wearing these black shoes.. which kinda clash with the look. or these sandal type things. its not like it matters nobody should be staring at my feet anyways..