its wrong.

and i know it..
i tried making exceptions.
myself got in the way
of his way.

now what do i do?
thats the question i ask.
well all i can do is lay it at his feet.
thats all.

we went from playing on the playground to slicing our wrists.. PART II

conviction in my spirit man or my concisous mind?
either way the stress is catching up to me.
i cant sleep, all i do is eat..
the faces, the  images of a world once unknown to me
haunt me in the night.
this world unraveled fast.
to fast.
friends with secerts i wanted to know
led me to paths of darkness.
i forgot my flashlight and now i've stubbed my toe.
the pain has left my foot and kicked me in the brain
i worry to much for you
my dear ones.
highschool drama? or lifetime bounds.
these chains are tight and my breath is slipping..
someone's hand? anyone..?
i need something to hold on to.
i want out of this world.
rewind time and take back everything.
but i cant..
that day is crystal clear to me..
the sun was out and a sly smile fooled me.
im the fool..
and i realize that now.

love, lust, hate

so i posted my last post on my facebook and these are the comments...



Jeff Johnson i'll now leave reply





to lust we have loved,and love we have lust


to life has no purpose but purpose it self.


to hate we have brought on all that was lovely though love we have hated for all that was worthy, why couldn't life be as easy as this a poem for replying to replying a poem?... See More




wow i can write 2 emily my dear we are deep tonight



Emily Greene lust after love



lust after purpose.


heartache and tears splinter the soul.


hate the lovely


hate the worthy... See More


either way we feel something


pain is the game today


tomorrow


no one knows.




together.. we are an ocean of emotions.. lol.


Jeff Johnson some love the lust



and lust the love,and repeat the game as if it were holy


those soulsd that splinter share the world as for worthy there are none


pain has no game the game is pain though hate in repose


the world revolves so peaceful around it... See More


today brings hate as for tomorrow when it will stop, is when the world enters shock
 
 
 
 
Emily Greene love and lust my friend



the game


we lose


the hate we create.


we created our world ... See More


fashioned it with hate


and lied to thoughs who love


us


the inhabitants of this world


small as a parking space.


hate to love the lust


hate to lust the love.

we went from playing on the playground to slicing our wrists..

how?
when?
why?
did life get so complicated??

what did we do to piss the universe off? all these questions and never any answers... never.
no real rythm or reason to the things we do. we act on impulse, hold our tounges, somethings its best to. and sometimes not. thoughts burn our brains black as coal.. the haunting memories of the good days creep up in our dreams and scare us to death.

we ask and we receive something we didnt ask for...
she's scared, he says there is no reason to be.
who can we trust?
why do we lust
the thrill
the sensation
anything out of the ordinary..

they agree
we dont
they love
we dont beleive in love.
i love
but not this way
this way has become to complex for me to follow
to many rules and to many secerts...

brittany spears and panic at the disco on my ipod = eargasim :)

wow so its been a little while since i've posted anything.. i have to admit i have been on here and started stuff but they never got finished.

this week we returned back to school after a much needed break. but two days back in and i need another break. which is good cause after exams i get another one :) thank god.
i dont feel like myself lately. ...well i guess i dont know what im feeling cause feeling "like myself" is something i dont recognize either.. bummer? i guess.. maybe...maybe not.
im just trying to figure out what i want from myself, from life, and the people in it.
so far i have no idea. what i want. i just need to get out. get away from this place, these people. together they are an evil force destroying my life one day at a time.

but dispite these evil forces at work.. my music tastes have taken a complete 180.
right now im listening to brittayn spears and in my car the radio is set to a country station!
what? why?
i dont know.. i just like it. its what im feeling :)
and as we all know i act on impulsive feeling... sometimes thats a good thing, other times not so much.





taking one for the team
not my style.
her style is taking one for the whole world.
heartbreak and strikeout
are all thats in the line up.
homerun for the enemy
and the hoe got all the way to second
base.
your emotions whirl up and down
tastey like a hotdog
but sour like a lemon icee.
summer came and gone
winter is here
froze my heart and your brain
close the gates.
we'll be back next season.

original quotes :)

you can drop me, but imma bounce back up, kick you to da curb and keep on stepping :)

yep. i def came up with that all by myself. and its so awsome because its true.
people come and go out of your life all the time. sometimes it hurts, others not so much.

its the times when there is a person you think will never leave.. but when they do..
that hurts like a bitch.
nothing nessacarily has to happen.. but rather things can unfold, if you will, or take a different path.
awkwardness sets in, people start to get uncomfortable or their ego takes over and they shut down. and eventually leave.

in my situation all of these things took place.
im not dropping names and im not going to go into details..
me and this friend were friends for a long time. i thought we had something that would last. friendship wise.
we hit high school and like a cookie our friendship started to crumble.
we started to meet new people and our tastes started to differ. at first this bugged me, but then i understood we were just growing into who we are as seperate people.
over the summer we didnt really talk but as school came around so did we.
but as the year has progressed we just seem to be growing farther apart. however it wouldnt be so bad if this so called friend were straight up with me right..
when you are fake as snow at the mall.. thats what pisses me off. i cant stand that. i wear my feelings on my sleeves so people pretty much always know how i feel and what i think..
awkward meetings in wal mart have never been my thing and if this is how the friendship will go on..
i quit :)

Merry Christmas??

"there singing deck the halls, but its not like christmas at all. i remember when you were here and all the fun we has last year.."

love love love that song.

Christmas has come but its not gone yet. The joy of the jolly season is not preasent for me this year. I have a gratefull spirit but I can say I'd rather be elsewhere. Somewhere far away.

I got a wii :)
Really kickass jewerly.
A notebook.
and some other things that i cant think of at the moment. Christmas waspretty good.

Tomorrow we will have Christmas at my grandmaws. Im so excited for that :)

This year has been so messy and shitty...
Im ready for a new start..
Hopefully I wont screw it up. And if i do... story of my life.

Ive been thinking so much about my mema this year. and my grandpa. i feel as if i have all these repressed memories. like things i think i remember but maybe not.. its very frustrating.
i wanna bring it up but i swear when i see my mom cry it makes me want to throw up.

I have these morbid thoughts of my grandmaw dying and when i think of that it makes me so frazzeled..
i just try not to think about that.. to much to bear.

ok not going there..