Monday, April 13, 2009

my notebook.

i would normally write this in my notebook but.. what had happened was...
on Thursday's at my church we have rock solid outfitters. its just when teens can get together and hangout, and spend time with God. so anyways, i wasn't going to go that night but i did. and we were in praise and worship and I started feeling really sick. i could feel the "demon" or something picking at me. my first reaction was to RUN! but i knew that wasn't right so i sat down and began to pray. people started praying for me and i really thought i was going to up-chuck. i finally did run ..literally run... i was so scared of something i could only see in my head! my youth leader came in and prayed for me and i felt it leave.. this sounds like some bull reading it but it was worse going through it. .. i can breathe without my chest hurting but I'm scared it will come back.
the reason i say that was because that "demon" or whatever it was, all it darkness and all its crap was in my notebook. that notebook was my life i loved that thing like it was my child. and i had to get rid of it. i had to burn it! i know that all that stuff was bad but it was stuff i went through. rocks in the road of my life!! its frustrating.
the worst thing is that i cant seem to write anything without crying. i feel like I'm backstabbing my notebook.
when we went to burn it the thing wouldn't burn it was just laying in the barrel. i wanted to go back and get it but i knew that would be wrong.
i don't even know where i was going with this! fuck. :)
i have to go clean my room.. until i have something else to say..
ta-ta !!


  1. Growing up I had several notebooks! They burned up in our house that was destroyed by fire. Since then I've never returned to writing in a notebook, but I always find myself remembering what was in there and wishing I still had them.

  2. yea. i still wish i had it..
    i got a really beatutiful notebook for my birthday from my best friend. but i still cant do it. eventually i may start writing again. hopefull.y