Deep update on my life!

Summer has finally here!! 

Starting off my summer propped up on the couch because my back is hurting is not how imagined it would be... But you know, that whole "dreams coming true" crap is for the birds.

That come off a bit snarky didn't it? 

Any who.. enough about back pain. 

 The best part about summer is that school is out! Finally I can stop stressing about procrastinating. Such a load off. The one thing I learned this past semester is that starting out on the wrong foot leads to you never regaining balance and falling. Which is exactly what happened to my academic life this semester. 

I've had time to reflect, I guess you could say. I changed all my plans (i.e: Missouri) and now I feel like I'm at step one again. Well maybe not step one, step five wondering if I should back track to step two or close my eyes and jump to step six. So many steps!!!

I also learned that I need to make another plan. I decided not to go to Missouri, but to stay here, get an associates degree and then go from there. My plan to go to  Missouri was fueled by a burning passion to get out and just go. For a long time I felt trapped in my own skin and I thought running away would solve everything. As time go closer and I realized what I was leaving behind ( not to mention the academic turmoil that was brewing) I started to panic. 

Through a lot of thinking and talking and more thinking and more talking and one weird episode of crying, I finally reached a point where I'm not panicking. 

I'm simply just here. 

I've also realized that's it's OK to just be here. At least for right now. Right here gives me the chance to do some more thinking, talking, and crying so that I can figure out what I really want from life so that I get the most out of it.