Went to Chapel and We got Marrrrriiiiieeedddd

This post is mainly for my Facebook population, but also for the rest of the world that reads my story. 

Yesterday (June 25 2013) I got married! 

Just let THAT sink in. 

I married my best friend and I couldn't possibly happier. (Well, if I didn't have to wait three days for the honeymoon I'd be somewhat happier.) We had a short and sweet ceremony at the church and then had the attendees back at our place for some food and.. video games. We mainly did this because we were living together already and we did want to right that wrong before God. We figured we're going to do it anyway, we might as well! 

Saying that, we are still having that big ceremony/par-tay in October! 

The ceremony yesterday was just what my pastor called the "I Do" portion. We said hopelessly romantic vows and sealed the deal. (too saucy a phrase?) It was short, but so sweet. I cried the entire time. I tried desperately to hold them back and the more I tried, the more they flowed. 
In that place with Israel and our close guests, I felt God with us and I felt his blessing. I am overjoyed at  starting this new chapter in my life. It was perfect. 
One of the happiest days of my life, and the best part is I get to do it twice! 

candy crush

I AM ADDICTED TO CANDY CRUSH!!!! 

This game has taken its evil little candy hands and wrapped them around my throat. I am so frustrated because I can NOT beat level 29!  The stupid "JELLY" is killing me! 

I have wasted too much time playing this game and not getting anywhere. It's gotten to the point where I have two games going-one on facebook and one on my mp3 player. 
As yet, spoiled in my hatred, I can not let it go. I MUST WIN!!!  


And I don't feel like an idiot exposing my candy crush addiction because half of the world has fallen into its sugary claws! At least half my facebook friends and my family are. 

Life Goes On

I have become so obsessed with youtube, facebook, and instagram.. oh and pinterest, that i have totally forgotten to write about my life. Which, in your case my be a good thing. 


October is nipping at my heels and there is still so much to do for the marriage celebration! Decorations, flowers, hair, finding the right bra, shoes! In the mix of planning, praying, and trying to force myself to not drink another glass of coke, I am going through the growing pains of becoming the person I never expected to be at this point. 
I am 20 years old, getting married, and I have a cat!! Yes, a cat, named Oliver. (He's a rescue and he is a nice cat, who recently got a bow tie and looks adorable!) 
Panning out my own life is a struggle sometimes, trying to pan it out, plan, look into the future with somebody else requires more than writing out your feelings on the internet.  On one hand it's not so bad because my best friend will always be there with me, but on the other hand, it's dooming because you feel like if you go down, you are taking that other person with you. 
I never thought I'd be here. Of course, we all can say that about some point in our lives. I feel like the decisions that I have made lately will take me on a course that I never dreamed of. Which is not bad. It seems scary and I'm scared of crashing to my death, but just before I hit the rocks, God picks me up again. I am trusting in him to make my life something beautiful. 
To be honest, I have a fear of my life, my story being boring, pointless, but I pray everyday that that doesn't happen. Getting married is a huge milestone for anybody; but for me I had, at one time, a notion that it would hold me back, that my life would just stop and everything I wanted for me would never happen. But I have spent time and time again with God pouring my heart out, telling him my fears, asking for help, and I am ready to spend my life with Israel. We aren't perfect, but we aren't alone. All of the things I wanted for me I can have with him and together, we can experience so much more. 

*hands out tissues* *steps off of pulpit* 

There is no date set.

hello Internet world! 

The last time I was here I posted a long, personal rant that could probably have been left unsaid. But at the time, it was something I felt like I needed to get off my chest. It was one of those "big purple elephants in the room" situations. 

But, we won't rehash. 

My life is in a monotonous full swing; School, job hunting, and this wedding looming in the background. 

I say looming because I have no idea where to begin. Honestly, we still have some major decisions to make and make permanent. The only thing I know is that I want lots of candlelight and I have a semi-playlist together. 

When it comes to wedding-planning, I have tons of questions; how am i supposed to pay for all this? why are photographers so expensive? do the guests have to eat? you want how much for that dress?! do you like this color? what do you mean you don't care?! well what color do you like? 

And then you have people, who with good intentions I'm sure, give their two cents, which usually sounds something like this: do what you want, so you don't have any regrets. 

So when I try to take this advise I am fought with every step of the way. 

I've gotten to the point where I have no idea what I want or I just can't afford what I want. 

 

I'm starting to think if I had planned this when I was seven, life most girls, I wouldn't be so confused. Moreover stressed out because I'm trying to write a paper at the same time I'm trying to pick a date and a cheap venue. 

OH, in case you are wondering, WE HAVE NOT SET A DATE.  

I have been asked that like 100 time, no joke. 

I didn't intend to update you on my unplanned wedding details, but there you go. 

Have a great Tuesday! 

Publicly Stated Disgust

I just want to publicly state how disgusted I am. Disgusted with this whirlwind that has become my life.
I would rant to friends/family.. etc., but I'm sure by now they are tired of hearing it. Hell, I'm tired of hearing it, but it's like it WON'T GO AWAY!!!  It just haunts me around every turn. Knocking me down and taking my breath away.

By now, you're like, WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? WHAT WHIRLWIND?

As I think I have mentioned before, Israel was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. (referred to as JDub-Land, by one youtuber.) He has semi-recently left the organization. Just so that's clear.

Well his immediate family is still going strong.. apparently.
(but probably not because I know for a fact that they break the rules too, but you don't see anybody shunning them. Please tell me how the hell you "don't celebrate Christmas", and yet, you watch Christmas movies and go to Christmas events? umm.. hypocrite?)

*Side note: if you leave the organization you are to be shunned by the JW's (no contact whatsoever. none. this is what is expected..)  because you have turned your back on the one true god/religion and you are damned to an eternity of.. well I guess just sleeping forever because they don't believe in hell.

His mother does speak to him some. Which is great!
His brother and sister-in-law however, do not.  Of course as soon as his family found out we were dating (funny story, ask me!) kinda stepped back because he was a "baptized brother" and I am (according to them) a "worldly girl".

I could give you the really long story of how he told his sister-in-law that he was leaving JDub-Land and how she turned right around and told his brother, before he had a chance to tell to the family himself..but I won't bore you with that. Cause I may break my keyboard with frustration.
Not to mention that she threatened to tell his mother within a certain amount of time if he didn't because it said to do so in some stupid handbook.

Anyway, last night we were out to dinner with a couple members of his family (a cousin and aunt) and guess who comes in! You betcha, loving bro and sis-in-law. I almost choked on my sesame seed kitty kat. Wouldn't you know they came right up to the freaking table and spoke to no one except his aunt. I mean are you freaking kidding me?! Seriously?! I could give two shits if they ever spoke to me again. But your own brother?! I find it disgusting. I don't see how people get off treating their blood and flesh like that.
I think the saddest thing was Israel's nephew came running up to him and was showing off a new toy he got. Just pure innocence, a kid happy to see his uncle. And it was awkward because the rest of us didn't know what to do. You can't snub the kid, he's innocent as far as I'm concerned.

My blood has just been boiling for days. I can't shake it.
On top of all this.. the night before me and Israel were laying down and you could here the rain on the window pane. And for a moment it was wonderful. I said "aw, it's romantic." He got this pained look on his face and said "it reminds me of my brother." And that was it. Another moment ruined among the countless others. And I can't blame him for this because I know he lives with this pain everyday.

The religious difference has always been a bit of a problem, but it feels like since he's left it, there has been more of a stress because of all the other factors it brings.

Oh, and for just in case you didn't know: we are engaged and living together!
Most people aren't thrilled about that second part, so keep you comments to yourself. I've already been informed that "I'm living in sin."
The first part I'm thrilled about! However, when I start thinking about planning a wedding or anything about it I get so weighed down because it's so bittersweet. Mostly bitter lately. I can't please everybody and with all this obstacles, it seems we can't even please ourselves!

These past few days I keep thinking is it always going to be like this? Will I always feel this burden? All this frustration, this.. injustice? Will it ever just be good?  

And I know some of you are thinking Trust God, pray, Believe that He will change it. 
I do pray. But sometimes it feels like I'm talking to the wall, or that I'm so caught up in my anger that God won't except my pleas.
Well.. that's another post for another day. 

first post of 2013

The past month/ new year has flooded my brain with so much confusion that sometimes I just feel numb. To be perfectly honest with you. 

Yesterday, I got to thinking (naturally..) what if I'm just bored with my life? I felt this terrible sense of dread, yet at the same time knew I wasn't scared of anything. I just feel so weighed down by the mundane that has become my life. So many changes have taken place, and everything is starting to settle and my inner self is screaming at the top of her lungs WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU SURE WE ARE READY FOR THIS??! 

And everyday I hang my head a little lower and say I have no clue. 

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that are going great! 

However, we, as mere mortals, all know that the bad almost always outshines the good. 

I never pictured I'd be where I am today. 

(Story of my life)

But then again, isn't that one of life's greatest mysteries? 

Amongst my inner turmoil, life is in full swing. My second semester at Pembroke is going nicely so far. The only complaints I have so far are brief: 

1. I signed up for an extra online class.. so far = big mistake. 

2. My economics class about brings me to tears everyday because it's so boring. 

3. I got a ticket today because I have yet to get a parking pass. (But I assure you, this problem will be rectified asap.) 

Monday

Life is whirling past me is almost a blur lately. 

School , with the exception with my last major tests, is basically done for this semester. 

I may be moving back to Richmond County. 

And, of course, Christmas is just around the corner!

Happy Monday!