Wednesday Update

"life makes love look hard, the stakes are high, the waters rough, but this love is ours." 

Taylor Swift always makes me feel better... most of the time... 

I have survived two whole days this week, a conference with my English teacher, a history test, and managed not to cry when I received a D+ on my last Eng assignment. 

Whew, and it's only Wednesday!! 

As you're now wondering "What?! You made a D+?!!" 

Yes, and I'll have you know that I'm stressing that plus. Instead of having class on Monday and today, my teacher had us schedule conference times to come meet with him in his office. 15 whole minutes. My conference only last 13 minutes, Thank God. 

I did, however, receive good feedback....

 "You're on the right track" and "Don't get discouraged about that low grade, you'll have a chance to revise it."

In all it went well, considering how terrified of him I am. I'm not too happy about that D.. but if I can fix it and bring it up a letter grade, I could be satisfied. 

My apt complex here at Pembroke is hiring a team member. I sent in my resume and sent up a prayer that something good will happen. 

Today is dreary.. it's cool and the breeze is nice, but it's threatening to rain and I have a long walk back to my room after class... I'd rather not walk in the rain. I still have yet to get an umbrella- ella-ella- aye-aye..  

Happy Wednesday Everybody! Hope your day sucks.. I mean. Have a great Day ;) 

me, taylor swift, and israel

SORRY FOR THE ABSENCE!

to be brief and blunt.. i feel like i have fallen off my rocker.
i have come to the conclusion that i don't like school. i i tell you otherwise i'm probably lying. i'm pretty good at that.. or am i? *strokes mustache*

today i have managed to make about 3% progress... as opposed to the 15% i usually try to make.

also today i gave myself a homemade hair cut because i have no money and had absolutely disgusting split ends. however, i have my own scissors, so i just took matters into my own hands. muahahaha.

currently i am listening to Taylor Swift, trying not to fall into the depths of dispair. i've been there a lot lately(hence fallen off rocker)
i am having a hard time adjusting and demons from my past.. that never really stayed in my past have caught up with me. before i reach suicidal breakdown mode again, i contacted my schools counseling service and i'm seeing someone. i just started and so i've really only complained about my english teacher (who is the devil's spawn, btw) apparently i have to figure out what "emily wants". what's going to make her happy? and i'll have you know, i told her my circus idea and she did not object!!!

but enough of that..

tomorrow will mark 6 months of dating Israel. ( a.k.a jeremiah, jerusalem, moses...)
i'm honest to goodness happy about this. yes, of course he makes me jump for joy and goo goo eyed, but over all he makes me content, which makes me happy. i feel like this is one of the most stable things in my life right now. most people don't get that, and people probably think we're crazy, which we probably are, but that works for us.

on an ending note, that's a life lesson i've recently learned: different things work for different people. relationships, school, work, dog preference.. and so on. we have no right to judge what others do.. even that's hard a lot of times. "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" 

College+Love=Mind Blown

I have no idea where to start. I have so many thoughts floating around in my head. 

But, as I've mentioned many times before, this IS MY BLOG and I can say whatever I'd like. 

And thank goodness it's not going to be graded! 

My English class is kicking my buttocks. 

My science/weather class has confused me beyond measure. 

My math class is actually going pretty well.. despite how much I hate math. 

My history class is.. well, it's going. 

There are sometimes ( like today when my work in my Eng class was ripped apart and basically scrutinized to poop.) when I feel like dropping out of school. 

But then a little silver lining appears (like when I make B's on my math work) that I feel like I can keep on trucking. 

Today I made a mantra of saying "I hate college." After a little while of that I realized that I don't really hate college, I hate general ed. Classes you have to take because the man says you have to take. When I can take a whole slew of classes I want to take, I think I might be happier.. and then again I could hate those as well. Hopefully we'll find out. You know, if I don't join the circus before then. 

Ok, so that's like 55% of the floating thoughts, the other 45% is my personal, romantic life. 

(which is going pretty good, thanks for asking:) 

Our relationship (me and my boyfriend, that is) is special. And I'm not just saying that because I'm blinded by love. I'm saying that because we have what is classified as a "inter-religious" relationship. 

It's complicated and then again, it's not. 

I'm a christian/Pentecostal and he's a Jehovah's Witness.  

At first it was weird.. and we weren't even sure it was a good idea.. and this is a long and complicated story.. sorta.. anyway, not really the point. 

The point:  Things have gotten really serious in the short amount of time we've know each other/been together. 

We've been playing "the what if and when" game. 

Over the past few days I've also had a lot of those "wow, never thought I'd be here" moments. And with the big, obvious reason it's really been mind blowing. 

Maybe

Maybe I should have stayed..

Maybe I should have gone... 

Maybe I should have ate breakfast.. 

Maybe I should have been more prepared.. 

Maybe these kids in the computer lab should not be on their cell phones...

Maybe I should just drop out of school and run away... 

Maybe I could hitch hike all the way to California, get a waitress job and live from couch to couch until I make it in the big time... 

Or not... 

Maybe I could run away and live off the land, like a pioneer.. 

Or not.. 

Maybe I could run away and meet a genie who would grant me three wishes.. 

That'd be nice... 

I've learned..

I have learned over the past several years ( because I'm so old and wise, I "know things" now) that life is constantly changing. Even if you live in the same dead beat town your whole life, you're always moving to a different stage of life. Sometimes it feels like you've leveled up, and sometimes it feels like you been sent to jail, not passing go, not collecting two hundred dollars. Sometimes you can't even collect two dollars. 

I have also recently learned that you can want something so much you can taste it. And then you get it and it leaves a bitter taste in you mouth. You want to give it back and ask the waitress to bring you tea instead of coke. Well in life, a lot of times there is not waitress to change your order, so you have to sneak back to the kitchen and do it yourself. And then sometimes you get caught by the bus-boy and you have to choke down the coke for the time being. 

Right now I'm at a stage in life where I'm trying to teach myself that sometimes you have to choke down the coke because you might like the taste eventually. Or it could be like beer and no matter how much you try to choke it down your stomach turns and you want to puke. 

If you're wondering where all this is coming from... 

I feel like school is kicking me in the butt right now... more like giving me a swirly in the boys bathroom.

 My first big assignment in my English class was to write a paragraph. Just one paragraph. We worked on them in class, in the lab, and got help from the teacher. I had three drafts of this one stupid paragraph and I got a freaking C. I know it wasn't perfect, but  I felt like my grade could've been a little better. 

Not to mention the first quiz I got a D on. And how bad I'm doing in my math class... 

I hate school. 

I said I wanted to be a English teacher... Umm... Needless to say, I'm rethinking that.     

I feel like giving up on school altogether. 

But I've learned that that just makes it worse.

 I'm choking down bad grades, a rough teacher, this semester, in hope that it will get better.                                                                                                                                                                                                  

College Weenie

I need a job, or at least some structured activites here at college, or i'm afraid I might turn into an even more weenie. To show you what I mean, I have photo evidence of my weenie-ness. Enjoy: 

I know what you're thinking "DANG, can I dem digits?" 

Ladies and Germs, there is no logical excuse for this. 

So far this is what college has done to me. My brain is still mushy from three months of doing nothing, and the aftermath of last semester. I'm not warmed up for critical thinking, analytical math question that are IRRELEVANT in the REAL WORLD, quizzes (pop or planned), or reading assignments. 

As far as the last hour of my college existence I have been glued to pintrest. 

I attempted the Braided Headband". It's soo cute. And since I'm such an avid lover of the braid, I'm trying to spice up my regular side braid. I think it might look better if my hair was curly, but here's my attempt: 

Earthlings and Tom Petty

GREETINGS EARTHLINGS! 

I was going to write this whole thing in caps, but I decided not to scream at you for a brief amount of time. To answer your question, no I am not dead and have not been eaten by a pack of savage wolfs. I have just been neglecting my self appointed blogging duties. 

I'm finally moved into my apartment at school! And I must say it's a pretty sweet hook-up. 

Classes do not start until tomorrow, so my brain still feels like mush. I have three classes tomorrow and I'm pretty sure that by the afternoon I'll feel like I've been beat in the head. 

I planned to walk to campus sometime today to walk around and get my bearings, but so far that plan has epicly failed. I've taken a shower, ate lunch with my roommates, and talked to my boyfriend. Walking around in the heat, not knowing where I'm going, just has not yet proved to be an exciting plan. I think I've talked myself into waiting until evening, so it'll be cool.

Right now I'm sitting at a ill angle typing away and listening to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Have I told you about my latest obsession with Tom Petty? It's been so long, I can't remember.

I'm convinced that all there stuff is good. So go to youtube (or spotify if you have it) type in Top Petty and the Heartbreakers and listen to everything!! 

my inner hippie is swooning 

Stevie Nicks: I'm going to join The Heartbreakers 

Tom Petty: but there are no girls in the Heartbreakers