everyday i'm shuffling with Jerry and Jane

"everyday i'm shuffling" 

beast song. 

i'm annoyed. 

you (mr./mrs. not going to be mentioned) are getting on my last freaking nerves. you walk into the room and i'm busting through the walls, trying to get out. don't breathe, its loud and sounds disgusting, don't move, and do not speak. oh please don't speak to me. to communicate with you is driving me up and over the mountain. and i'm falling in slow motion so i'm not going to hit the ground for a while. this drawn out torture might just as well be the death of me. 

i wanna get lost in a love song and slowly drift away in the setting sun with my other half. how cheesy does that sound? but on the flip side it sounds amazing and novel. to love, like Jane Eyre, for example, would be amazing, don't cha think? not this trashy Jerry Springer crap most people have. 

i'm tired of bull crap... not just on the topic of the other sex.. i'm stale. 

poor myrtle is falling apart. for those of you who don't know.. myrtle is my car. i feel like i am barely keeping up with school and i don't hardly remember to talk with God until the day is done or when i need something.. how great is that? not to great.. 

"put another x on the calendar, summers on its death bed.." P.@.D

if you don't listen to panic at the disco.. you suck. go listen to them now!!! 

caution: doom and gloom

i refuse to cry anymore.. i stopped that a long time ago. 
i have had several meltdowns, as i call them, in front a very dear friend of mine and every time i apologize for crying. he said not to worry about, its good to cry. 
my well is all tapped out. 
where is all this coming from? 
where to start? 
divorce is never pretty for no one.. the drama is supposed to end with high school. they lied. 
the whole college thing, community or not, is starting to freak me out. bad. 
work.. is not what i expected it would turn out to be. 
not to mention the misc. turmoil i'm in... 


my life is a bit flipped right now. instead of handling it i'm just sitting back watching things fall and crash.. thats not helping. but its all i have energy for as of right now. 


"i have tasted the apathy, its bitter on my lips.."- D.D 


yes i know this is a bit of doom and gloom.. 
i need to snap out of it.
i'm trying. i think a good nights sleep and some red bull therapy tomorrow... and some prayer.. will help.