ghetto booty hot dog tattoos

so today at Ross, i bought these super tight ghetto booty jeans. i mean, every curve/roll is being rugged and squeezed. 

i'm not sure how well this will go over, but we're gonna try them out. i really bought them because when i wear my rain boots, i want to wear them like the little preppy girls. you know the whole tucked in deal. 

Tuesday is my last day working at the grill. i'd be lying to say i wasn't excited. not that i don't like the people there ( and by that i mean the people that i work with, the customers are a different story..) i'm just ready for something else. i hate slinging hot dogs and cleaning up explosive dookie off the walls. oh the horror. i have another job lined up, which is the main reason i'm leaving the grill. this couple at my church has a curtain shop and have offered me a job there, so i seized the opportunity! i start on Thursday at 10 o'clock :) 

good things come to those who wait.. and believe me, i've been waiting. 

speaking of good things, i'm getting a tattoo. 

hells yea, i'm super excited. 

its going to be the quote "love conquers all" ( yes i know that can be a cheesy quote, but for me its all about the Jesus love, and when you think about it that way.. it's perfect! ) in front of the quote there is going to be a bird cage with the door open and then little birds flying away. it doesn't sound as good as it will look, i promise it will be intense :) 

so speaking of tattoos, if you have a tattoo, why do you have one? if not, let's say you were to get one, what would it be? 

confessions (what's inside my head)

(for those of you who don't get the reference of the title, its a RED song. go listen to them. they are awesome! ) 


lately i have felt just .. blah. what else is knew? well i take that back, not really blah, more like.. frustrated. 
frustrated with me and my life. i have expressed this before and i will express it again. it seems like my life is stuck in slow motion while everybody else is going at the speed of light. 
you the saying "live everyday like its your last". yea, i'm def not doing that. i procrastinate to much, first off. 
i have no idea what i want to do with my life.. i know what i DON'T want to do. but that doesn't really help me pick a college major. 
also on the subject of my feelings.  i realized that i have this bad habit of being a liar. or something close to it. i often feel hypocritical. what do you mean? 
as you know, i'm a christian. i stand by my beliefs but, i feel like i make choices and do things sometimes that would make people think less of me. and thats where the lying comes in. i lie about the bad decisions and choices because i don't want people to think less of me. 
like.. when i cuss. most of the time it just slips out.. way to easily i might add. the other day i dropped the F bomb in front of my mom and i thought she was going to choke. 
and smoking is something else i've been dealing with lately. 
the first time i tried smoking i was sure i would never do it again. wrong. not saying that i'm addicted to cigarettes. but i kinda enjoy them every once in a while. (i probably shouldn't be confessing this, but i'm tired of feeling like i'm living two different lives) i enjoy mint. and cigarettes come in mint flavored. i kinda feel like Audrey Hepburn at times when the smoke lingers out of my mouth. i know its frowned upon, esp in my situation, but i have to say, honestly, i'm the kinda person who can take them or leave them. i've only bought on pack in my entire life. i usually bum them off people :) 
i think there comes a time in life when you have to establish who you are. i've been trying to do that for 18 years now and lately i feel like i'm failing. 
i enjoy some country music. there i said it. 
sometimes babies are cute.. i still don't want to squeeze one out of my secret place though. 
i like Starbucks. 
i like stretching my ears. 
and i like the blonde streak in my hair. 
i have been getting ragged about it lately and its pissing me off! its my freaking hair. and they are my ears. leave me alone. and i will more than likely get a tattoo in this lifetime, so go ahead and grab a barf bag. i try not to be an uptight person.. but being around stiffs all the time makes me anxious. i don't like being anxious. i like smiling and acting crazy. i can't do that when i don't feel like Emily. 


ever feel like that? 

"i am a deranged bird" -S.C

uuugghgghghghghghghmdsdkfljkjkffnmsdmkl!!! 

i hate those moments. my night was great! 

i got off work, went to youth praise practice, went to church, and went out to eat with friends afterward. it was awesome. 

i come home to not awesomeness. 

ugh. blasphemy!

bloody hell! 

i cut my finger at work.. i seriously need to stop cutting myself. its starting to look suspicious. and we are so not going there again! 

.. speaking of.. well sorta not really on the same track,

i've been thinking about the tattoo i want. 

i want a quote on my wrist from a flyleaf song " arise and be all that you dream"

in the song they say dreamed but i want to use present tense because i feel like i haven't stopped dreaming.

i want this quote because it relates back to the whole " i wanted to be dead and didn't feel like dreams for the future were necessary or even achievable" era of my life. 

that time has come and gone but there are things from that that i have to live with everyday. i rejoice the fact that i am here and have big plans for my future! but looking at the physical scars i have sometimes makes me queasy. i want something more positive to look at. and plus tattoos are kinda awesome :)

i'm sleepy.. are you sleepy? 

no thats not rhetorical.. answer me women! .. err man.. whichever you are. 

* this post has nothing to do with deranged birds.