sorry for the spelling errors.. no spell check :(

yes, i am aware of my absense.. but actually having a life for a few days kept me away for the monotone complaining i tend to bore you with.

let's just get right to the point:
I MET JOHN COOPER.. AGAIN. and it was beyond amazing! (i have a picture but i'm usign the schools computer right now)
the concert was intense. no flames.. but they still rocked my face off. out seats were kinda high(not floor seats) and one time when i was trying to head bang (i'm not very good) i almost fell on the people in front of us.
the losers i should say.
who the F goes to a rock concert and SITS DOWN! come on people. have some respect. if your that tired.. go ride the ferris wheel.
any who.. the whole experience was great. i haven't truely smiled that much in a long time.
went to a wedding literally right after that. well we drove to the beach and the next day went to a wedding. that was pretty fun.. idk. weddings make me apathatic. all i think about it the soaring devorice rate.. and the fact that the dude, or the women will cheat when they get tired of their significant other.
i'm happy for them but, you know. nothing lasts forever. sex, marriage, def not love.
i take that back. Jesus love lasts forever.

i'm at school now and i'm ready to crawl under a blanket and sleep like rip van winkle. isn't that the guy who slept for like a hundred years and woke up to a completely diffrent world? if that's not our boy rip..you get what i mean. just one more class.
then i have to go home and work on that essay that was due earlier..
procrastination will be the death of me.


p.s: this has no substance.. the rain has made me blah..
how does the rain make you feel?

mid-term, missouri, and John Cooper

so i think i have found the easy, lazy american way to get out of this midterm.. drop the class! 
drop the class and take it over the summer. i was thinking of taking a class or two over the summer anyways because i have to have like 24 credits to be counted as a transfer student at Evangel. 
then on that same thought, i have been chewing over the idea of maybe trying to go to Evangel this spring semester.. maybe. i don't know. i'm just shooting around the dark here.. 
i'm so lost. 
ughh..
i'm always lost. 
i need a freaking road map for life. 
i said that as a Facebook status on time and one of my (smart aleck) friends replied "its called the bible" 
yes, i know that. but the bible doesn't spell out in black and white what God wants you to do for a college major.. that would be far to easy.
 yes. yes you do detect a bit of bitterness in that last bit. 
before i even graduated i wanted to run away and join the circus and forget college. thats starting to sound like a really good idea again. i could see myself selling popcorn to little brats and posing as the fattest women alive.
(and if you think about leaving a comment saying, emily your not fat! i will say something snide in reply back. nobody likes a suck up.. well.. ok sometimes its ok to be a suck up. but i know i'm not the fattest women alive... its ok for fat ppl to pick on themselves. now skinny ppl.. thats a whole different ball game.. ) 
any who... enough crazy talk. 
wait.. 
who's blog is this?
no crazy talk.. thats crazy talk! 


the skillet concert is, of course, friday!! and me and my friend Lizard made teeshirts today :) the other day John Cooper said something on his twitter about if your sick come to the fall tour because he was a dr. of rock... so our shirts say: 
(on the front) an apple a day keeps the doctor away.. (on the back) forget the apple, i came to see DR. ROCK 
be. jealous. 


so obviously, i'm in (some not creepy form of)  love with John Cooper.. 
who is your celeb crush? 

30 Day Challenge : day 5

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

For like two second I was stumbling on this.. my favorite memory? But them it occurred to me! duh! One of the best nights, if not the best, was meeting my beloved. John Cooper :) He is the lead singer/bassist/songwriter/music writer of skillet. He doesn't know this but he's my musical soul mate. However as much as I am in love with him I also hold a deep respect for him. I look up to him as a musician and a personal role model.  We ( being my sister, my friends Meredith and Seth ) went to see them last April I believe and it was the best concert ever! I can't wait to see them again. If you don't listen to them shame on you! Go listen to them now!! I would recommend songs but, I basically love them all.

Not the best of me but, look at that hunk beside me. Do you think I care? No!

Trust No One

"i like her as a friend, but not like that."

" oh shit."

You may or may not be wondering how those two quotes are related. If you are, I can tell you that what you are thinking is wrong. Those two phrases single handily ruined my life.. err my love life anyways. ( you know the non existent one) As I talk about this I feel the depressing anxiety rising up in my chest.

The first one was from a boy who was my first and biggest crush ever. besides John Cooper but that really will never happen because he is married.. anyways! I liked him so much I was sure he liked me and one day I made the mistake of telling one of my girl friends. (BAD MOVE) She was in band with him and somehow I came up in conversation so, she decided to tell him I liked him. He answered her with that. I was so pissed at her I couldn't see straight. This happened is 8th grade by the way. Not only were my insecurities of liking a boy on the table, now my doubts were confirmed and I knew I had no chance with him. ( Being fat and in middle school as a girl is hard enough, throw a boy in there and it makes everything worse.) So needless to say nothing ever came from that. I had heard that phrase before countless times but when its directed at you its like a boulder falling on you. This boy and I are not friends and when I see him I still freak out.

The second phrase ( I really don't think this is safe but it might as well be told) came from my friend. Literally, he was like my best friend. I always liked him a little and our families always picked on us about being a couple. Well in ninth grade my friend Rachel convinced me to tell him how I felt. I finally had texting so I sent the text and it wasn't just a simple text saying "i lik u" it was some freaking rant about love! I'm so ashamed of myself. So I sent the text and he replied with that. I cried and that was the beginning to the rocky-ist friendship on the face of this earth. And here's the best part I found out later that he was/is gay. Yep. Just keeps getting better. It hurt my feelings so bad. "Hurt" I use loosely cause it really scared me for life.

That's why I have issues with boys and that's why I will never admit to anybody when I like somebody. I get so weird about it. It drives me nuts. The fear and anxiety I get thinking about hearing any of those words again just makes me want to die. Add that on top of all the other issues I have and you get a nut job!
I had more things I was going to say but now the thoughts escape me. Its early in the day.. I'm sure I'll be back later to write something else.