Half the Fun is Getting There

So I noticed that the posts about my love life and marriage have gotten the most hits. 
Is that all you people want from me?! The drama??! 

Truly, answer the question. If that's what you want, that's what I will give you. 

Two days of being married have been great! 
With the weekend approaching, we can finally go off for a couple of days and have some time together. (He's had to work this week, so it's been a bummer being on usual routine.) 

Today there has been no nothing going on. Except the part where I've been procrastinating on packing and roaming around the house waiting for prince charming to get home so we can goooooo! 
 ( ugghhh saying stuff like that makes me desperately miss school. I feel useless! )  

You know when you go on a vacation half the fun is the anticipation.

•  You blow up your facebook with a countdown: 459 days till the bahamas!!  
• And you plan you packing strategically: OOO THIS TOP IS A MUST! AND THIS DRESS! OHH THIS WILL BE SO CUTE WITH THOSE SHOES!  And then the reality of sunburn sets in and you completely have to re-do your outfits. WHICH IS OK because you packed half the closet to "have options."
• Then the car, plane, train, boat, zipline, ride etc.. You get in the vehicle  all packed ready to go. And for the first hour you are pumped! Got your snacks, your "road-trip playlist"..ect. BUT then after the first hour your butt is uncomfortable, your want real food (because for some reason traveling makes you ravenous), and if you don't stretch your legs you are gonna have cramps for the next three days. 

Happy Summer Everybody!!! 

Me, VHS, & a..... Hooker

"Oh, hello. I didn't see you there"

Could there be a more non-natural way to start off a tv segment? 

No.  There cannot be. 

It's been a few days since I graced you with my witty and otherwise not very remarkable internet presence. Over the course of my absence not too many life changing events happened, so don't worry.

To catch you up a little: 

-Last weekend I went to Charleston/ Folly Beach for the first time (I plan to go back). I have family down there... not to mention Charleston is busting at the seams with life, culture, art, history, beauty, and this free sample dessert that was to die for. I almost fell over in the shoppe, literally. (Mostly because of the heat....) 

- This weekend I will be having a Girls retreat at the beach with my bestest gal pals.. well most of them. 

- Yesterday I went thrift store shopping with my boyfriend and I got Grease and Shakespeare in Love for $2!! (VHS, but hey! awesome movies.. and I still have a WHS player) 

-Also this weekend with said boyfriend we built a fort in his living room and watched movies. Yes, I said fort. It was awesome!  On pintrest I found these "date night ideas". Most of them are stay at home (a.ka CHEAP ideas. Which is great when your broker than a one legged hooker).

-Today I am going to see "Magic Mike" with two gal pals. Thinking about it, I sorta feel guilty because its Sunday.. Then I dismissed that thought because I don't wanna talk myself out of it. 

Now I'm on a roll and could keep going, but food is ready and I'm hungry. 

mean reds- mermaid style

i got a case of the mean reds. 
and if you don't know what that means, get off this blog right now! i'm ashamed of you. 
the mean reds isn't like the blues, that when your just sad, the mean reds is when your suddenly afraid and you don't know what your afraid of. 


(go watch Breakfast at Tiffany's)


i find that i end up like this a lot. the worst part is the sudden part. 


i can't sleep and i feel like poop. probably because i'm on my stupid period because i was born as a stupid girl. i hate being a girl.. not that i have a wish to be a boy either...maybe a fish, a bird, or maybe a mermaid. 


i could be a mermaid. swim around in the ocean with my fishy friends in my seashell bra and always gorgeous hair flowing behind me. and unlike ariel i have no desire to walk up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun, wondering free, i don't wish i could be part of this world. 


when i grow up i want to be a mermaid. case closed. 

there is a funny cat pic enclosed

Believe it or not there are times when I look in the mirror and I actually like the person staring back. 

There are times when its the end of the day and I'm reflecting, I actually smile and find a lot of things to be thankful for. 

This morning we woke and drove down to the beach to pick up the bridal party dresses for my sister's wedding. Thank God, the dresses fit everybody, however, some of the girls have to have them taken in. Which sounds good, but we have to have them taken in in the chest and depending on how you look at that... it could be seen as a bad thing. I can fit three times the amount of my actual chest in the dress as it stands now, so for me, it's a bit depressing. 

Any who...

At the beach, I can breathe in the salty ocean air and feel the anxiety that harbors in my chest start to fade away. If the circus doesn't work out, the beach is my next destination of choice. 

When I say the beach, unless I specify, I mean Myrtle Beach. And usually the water is dark and brown, but this trip the water was clear and that peaceful blue-green. 

And I just got distracted by something on tv and lost my whole train of thought on where I was going with this... 

The sun, the sand.. it was great. and this makes no since..

WAFFLES! 

sometimes i forget that i used to...

I've seen "A Raisin in the Sun" 5 times now, (I'm running lights for the community show)and I still have four more shows to do! Not that I'm complaining (ok, maybe a little). I don't know what my problem was tonight. I couldn't focus on the play, it felt like it was never going to end. 


Every time I see the show I get something out of it. It makes you realize how much family is important. But then it gets your wheels turning about your family and how messed up it is. 
Mommy and Daddy are always at each others throats, your always fighting with your little sister, never see your big sister, nor your grandmother for that matter, and let's not even bring up the fact that there is always Daddy's girlfriend lurking in the background to sweeten the deal. 
I start to think about all that, and then I stop because it makes me sick on my stomach. 
My crack pot family( just for the record its only OK when I call them that!) stresses me out, but there not the only ones. School has not been going well either lately. I can't focus at work. I can't hardly eat. 
You know something is up when a fat chick can't eat. I take a few bites and I'm nausea. 
I feel myself slipping, maybe it's just the weather. 
Maybe not. 


Sometimes I forget that I used to fantasize about death. I wanted to die desperately. I'll catch myself off guard thinking about it. I was telling a friend the other day that I believe that once that evil has come upon, it never fully goes away. You get over it, in a sense where your life goes on, but deep down in you it will always be there. Not dominate, but dormant, lurking, to remind you. What it reminds you of is personal: shame, guilt, anger... the list could go on and on.
But on the bright side of that, we have Hope, wherever you find it: family, friends, religion, the beach, books, music, animals,..the list could go on and on. 
I choose to find my hope in all of those things ( which is why I listed them. muahah).


I didn't exactly mean to go this direction, but it was on my mind, and it has been awhile since we've discussed anything "deep". 

he's gone

i dreamed about you again last night.
i thought i was over with that. you're the it in every song that is my haunting, taunting heartbreak.
i was walking down the beach, thinking about you, about how i missed you and how perfect it would be if you were here with me. i was passing a hotel i had never seen before, and when i looked at it, i just knew you were there. my first thought was that you were up, sitting outside on the balcony. as i was walking through the pool area, on my way inside, there you were. you were sitting in a white lounge chair, dripping wet, and drinking a beer. typical you, i thought. something rushed through me that filled me with every emotion known to man. i was overjoyed that you were right in front of me, yet angry because you stayed away so long. we looked at each other for what seemed liked forever. all i said was hello.  you nodded and smiled at me. i knew it was ok. you were waiting for me too. i remember your hair was longer. i said something to you, but i couldn't make out what i said. it was fuzzy and inaudible. i ran my fingers through your hair and walked inside. my plan was to just wait for you in there. i was waiting for you to follow me this time.
i waited and waited and finally decided to go upstairs. the first few flights were crowed with people and it was hard for me to get past them at a fast pace. i was really excited now. i ran and ran up tens of flights. (it was a big effing hotel, with no elevator!) eventually nobody was around and i realized i didn't know what room was yours. i kept running, thinking i would just know, kinda like i did when i saw you. after more running, i stopped and realized i was alone, nobody was around, and you weren't coming after me. not last time, and not this time. i couldn't cry in the dream. i felt to heavy to let even tears escape. the dream ended and when i woke up i was long winded.
how many times will i have dreams about being left? why is suddenly the thought of being left alone scaring the hell out of me?
what is it about me that makes you, or anybody, not want me?
i don't understand most of it. the reality, i mean. the dream i can interpret just fine.
i shouldn't have tested you. i should've just stayed there with you, when i had to chance.
shoulda, coulda, woulda

*p.s dear reader, i know by now you're thinking who is she talking about??
i promise you, you don't know him. he's gone. thats all that really matters. if you ask me about it, that's what i'll tell you, he's gone. 


*what or who is  haunts and taunts you in dreams/nightmares? 

Good morning Baltimore

I'm not in Baltimore, I'm in oak island... just for the record. Starting out day two up before the nine am wake up call and before my roommates. So far its been awesome! Yesterday we went to the aquarium,went to the beach/pier, I got spit, and went door to door handing out the vbs flyers. That turned out really well. Praise God. By now you are probably wondering why I got spit on.. no it wasn't from somebody rejecting the lord. It was from one of the guys on the trip.. I'll explain later. For now Godspeed!

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tim and reliant k in my bed.. say what?!

so me and Tim are just chilling here in bed listening to Reliant K. they are a pretty cool band. if you haven't ever listened to them i encourage you to check them out. (mood rings is my favorite song! however thats not the one i was listening to.) 

the beach was awesome.. shady hotel and all. speaking of said hotel... let me tell you about my bra. 

ok, so technically i bought three including hers..

i have this black one thats my favorite right now ( too much?) anywho i was wearing that and took it off sat night and threw it on the table with the rest of my stuff... on sunday i woke up and showered and just put on my bathing suite. later that day changing back to regular clothes i went to get my favorite black bra.. omg!  i freaking left if at the shady hotel!! went running threw my mind then out of my mouth. i was seriously up tight. yes, i had a spare. i called my mom and told her and she was like oh i got it. 

whew. thank God for moms, right? 

so needless to say the day at the beach was an adventure. i swan like a mermaid, got good sun, did some shopping, and drove a lot. it was awesome. 

shopping is fun.. but it can get you in trouble fast if you have no filtration. i have some but i almost lost it. i went nuts buying sunglasses. i only got two pair, but thats a lot to buy in just one day. 


.. i just had like a super good paragraph wrote.. and Tim keeps getting bumped off the internet.. ughh!! 
maybe this is karma.. humm.. 
i have lost the urge to ramble so i'm not retyping. i may or may not revisit that thought tomorrow. well i just looked at the clock it technically is tomorrow. 


go listen to reliant k and then go to bed.. thats an order! 

camels and sex wagons

"so the other day i was driving down the road and..."

this is how i will now start off conversations.. or vear off conversations when they take off on a awkward path. 

in all truth the other day i was not driving my car, i was, however, driving my friends car a.k.a. the big red sex wagon ( named for reasons we won't discuss) ahh yes, glorious times at the beach. how i miss them already. 

i want to blog about some of the highlights.. but without giving really long stories its just not the same. and i don't really feel like it at the moment. i will however tell you that at wild wings cafe ( great chicken! btw) they have a real live freaking camel named Cracker. and he is so cute and nice. like a giant dog that you can ride.. i really wanted to. but i didn't wanted to be the really fat straw that broke the camel's back. haha.. yes pun totally intended! was that a pun?? ah who cares? i certainly don't :) 

camel was getting frisky with meh

so today was/is father's day... maybe we just shouldn't talk about that one..

(i will say that we went to my dad's church and they have a pretty impressive worship team. hate to say this but i liked it a lot better than my church. it consisted of 13 people all belting out joyful noises. )

today also is the day my best friend left for Cali. luc-key! 

i wanna go back to the beach. ugh! 

this week i will start my job hunt! pray with me that i will get something. 

anything!

irish man neck sweat

so last night was my last night at the beach and my sister and her boyfriend came down and the fab little trio that we are decided to hit the town.

we started the night off with dinner at the Japanese house called miyabi's ( i think that's spelled right) where we got sat with three sista's and this couple that consisted of this really hot guy and his rockingham version of barbie. since i was on the end.. the third wheel is always is on the end... i had no choice but to listen in on their conversation. turns out barbie is a psych nurse. she said that like 20 freaking 20! dinner was pretty great.. the chef cook our rice in a male reproduction organ shape in honor of one of the sista's birthdays. that was amazing.

then we went to Broadway at the beach and hit up senor frogs.

it was going pretty good but three shots in i was just getting board. finally we got on the dance floor, and if  i had a penny for every butt i touched i'd be rich. that was cool for a while.. expect the whole sweating part and all the couples trying to get it on around me.

fyi: i am not. repeat not. a grinder. my awkwardly shaped body is just not made for that.

we ventured outside ( you are probably wondering where the Irish sweat comes in.. i'm getting there!) and there was a band type thing going on. that was cool. so me and my sister are just chilling.. the boyfriend had ventured off.... and all of a sudden this guy comes waltzing, well it was more of a stumble, asking for a light. and our reply was " you have a lighter" he was afterall, holding a lighter. that was kinda cute.. because then he said he just needed a way to talk to us. to make a long story short he asked me to dance. and since not everybody was banging my door down last night i decided to shake a tail feather with him. well like i just said i'm not a grinder.. but apparently he was. you know that thing where two people are dancing and one person get in front and bends down and shakes their butt on the other person, well he was doing that number and in the course of him coming up he brought my dress with him! oh lord the horror. to top it all off he stumbles and falls into the crowd and in the mist of all this i'm dying laughing. we finally get out of there and somehow wind up back inside, this time on the platform! don't ask me how that happened. this time he was feeling risky and decide we should be more.. close if you will.we were doing all kinds of hug type things.. lots of grabbing. i'm not generally a hugging, touching person so this was very awkward for me. and not to be cocky or nothing but he was trying to touch my butt and i was not having it. during all this awkard dancing my freaking dress come up again. he had bunched it up in the back and my whole ass cheek was hanging out!this is where the sweat comes in! as we were wrapping up this dance session he turned me into some hug type thing and i dodged it and his neck rubbed my face. sweat and all! it was so gross. irish man neck sweat..not as much of a turn on as you'd think it should be.  that was enough. i was done dancing.

however i did manage to get some regular info from him ( not sure how true all this is, you know, him being under the influence and all)

name was carter

20 years of age

Irish = hot accent( major plus to awkward dancing) 

from Ireland.. visiting family

builds boats

owns no boat, yet! 

owns 2 jet skies

plans to get rich in a couple of years and have a boat

i miss the beach already.

Beach noodles

My bones feel like noodles. Which is a relaxing feeling, a weightless feeling if you will.
Have I ever told you how much I love being at the beach, doing nothing but laying in the sun, shopping, eating, having all the time in the world. If I haven't.. I apologize. It's my favorite thing in the world to do. One week isn't enough. Graduating was great, such a liberating feeling. But now when I think about my life starting its exciting bit scary.. I want to pause time and stay on the beach forever. Most people can't take the sand.. its called a chair moron. Life here in cherry grove, in this house of 6 friends, is great. We have been doing all kinds of stuff. All of which I will go into later..
We are fixing to go stuff out faces at a seafood buffet ;)
( the photo is of our amazing little house)

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Beach bum

Spring break is in full swing and I am loving every minute of it. Camped out on the beach all day Sat and I'm paying for it now with wicked sunburn. It's all good though once its gone I'll have a decent tan :) I have throughly enjoyed being here with family... which surprises me. Tomorrow I'm meeting up with friends and spending a few days with them. Believe it or not this is my first spring break that I actually went somewhere.. its been wonderful :)
P.s : however we missed church yesterday.. that was weird.
P.p.s: tons of new Yorkers down here.. epicness!

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(insert title here)

As you can tell I haven't been keeping up with the thirty day challenge this week.. i haven't been able to get on at school (which is a hindrance!) and other things have come up this week to keep me away from my home computer.
This is the last day of school before Spring Break! woot woot. Me and my family are going to the beach this year for Easter. Which I am so excited for. Instead of going to church we are going to a sunrise service on the beach! How awesome is that? I will tell you... pretty awesome.
My theatre class has finally started going to the theater in the afternoons, so after this class I get to shimmy on over there. Its really fun, makes me feel so professional.
.. I have other things to rant about, and I will. But for now I must bid thee farewell.