Best Breakup Poem Ever

Best Breakup song  poem ever : "Neutral Tones" by Thomas Hardy. 

We have a "best" song for everything - dance, love, party, and the favorite, breakup song. (And all I can think of is Taylor Swift, can you blame me?) 

In the midst of these melodic power cords, we have lost sight of the art of poetry. 
A poem.. oh yea.. I guess that's.. yea whatever. 

Probably what every teenager thinks when the word "poetry" is uttered. 
And I'll admit, sometimes poetry is a drag, esp early British Literature. 
BUT! 

We read this poem in class and it has just struck a cord in me. Even though I'm not going through a breakup, and never really have, I have had my heartbroken and I've read enough books to empathize. 

We stood by a pond that winter day,

And the sun was white, as though chidden (rebuked) of God,

And a few leaves lay on the starving sod;

         – They had fallen from an ash, and were gray.

Your eyes on me were as eyes that rove

Over tedious riddles of years ago;

And some words played between us to and fro

         On which lost the more by our love.

The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing

Alive enough to have strength to die;

And a grin of bitterness swept thereby

         Like an ominous bird a-wing….

Since then, keen lessons that love deceives,

And wrings with wrong, have shaped to me

Your face, and the God curst sun, and a tree,

         And a pond edged with grayish leaves.

It seems long, but read it, I promise it's amazing.

 The third stanza is my favorite. Just take a second to appreciate that. The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing/ alive enough to have strength to die. 

Not even concerning a breakup, this line, just describes every smile in every awkward moment, death, heartbreak, defeated moment in your life. It just blows me away ( am I nerding out too much here?)!!

The  poem, is in fact about a break-up, but not some drag out fight. The two people lost their way in love and just fell apart. I have had arguments with Israel where we both feel backed into a corner and defeated and sometimes you walk away with that dead smile. In our case it didn't break us, but come on! That last stanza keen lessons that love deceives, that is powerful my friend! 

Half the Fun is Getting There

So I noticed that the posts about my love life and marriage have gotten the most hits. 
Is that all you people want from me?! The drama??! 

Truly, answer the question. If that's what you want, that's what I will give you. 

Two days of being married have been great! 
With the weekend approaching, we can finally go off for a couple of days and have some time together. (He's had to work this week, so it's been a bummer being on usual routine.) 

Today there has been no nothing going on. Except the part where I've been procrastinating on packing and roaming around the house waiting for prince charming to get home so we can goooooo! 
 ( ugghhh saying stuff like that makes me desperately miss school. I feel useless! )  

You know when you go on a vacation half the fun is the anticipation.

•  You blow up your facebook with a countdown: 459 days till the bahamas!!  
• And you plan you packing strategically: OOO THIS TOP IS A MUST! AND THIS DRESS! OHH THIS WILL BE SO CUTE WITH THOSE SHOES!  And then the reality of sunburn sets in and you completely have to re-do your outfits. WHICH IS OK because you packed half the closet to "have options."
• Then the car, plane, train, boat, zipline, ride etc.. You get in the vehicle  all packed ready to go. And for the first hour you are pumped! Got your snacks, your "road-trip playlist"..ect. BUT then after the first hour your butt is uncomfortable, your want real food (because for some reason traveling makes you ravenous), and if you don't stretch your legs you are gonna have cramps for the next three days. 

Happy Summer Everybody!!! 

Went to Chapel and We got Marrrrriiiiieeedddd

This post is mainly for my Facebook population, but also for the rest of the world that reads my story. 

Yesterday (June 25 2013) I got married! 

Just let THAT sink in. 

I married my best friend and I couldn't possibly happier. (Well, if I didn't have to wait three days for the honeymoon I'd be somewhat happier.) We had a short and sweet ceremony at the church and then had the attendees back at our place for some food and.. video games. We mainly did this because we were living together already and we did want to right that wrong before God. We figured we're going to do it anyway, we might as well! 

Saying that, we are still having that big ceremony/par-tay in October! 

The ceremony yesterday was just what my pastor called the "I Do" portion. We said hopelessly romantic vows and sealed the deal. (too saucy a phrase?) It was short, but so sweet. I cried the entire time. I tried desperately to hold them back and the more I tried, the more they flowed. 
In that place with Israel and our close guests, I felt God with us and I felt his blessing. I am overjoyed at  starting this new chapter in my life. It was perfect. 
One of the happiest days of my life, and the best part is I get to do it twice! 

Life Goes On

I have become so obsessed with youtube, facebook, and instagram.. oh and pinterest, that i have totally forgotten to write about my life. Which, in your case my be a good thing. 


October is nipping at my heels and there is still so much to do for the marriage celebration! Decorations, flowers, hair, finding the right bra, shoes! In the mix of planning, praying, and trying to force myself to not drink another glass of coke, I am going through the growing pains of becoming the person I never expected to be at this point. 
I am 20 years old, getting married, and I have a cat!! Yes, a cat, named Oliver. (He's a rescue and he is a nice cat, who recently got a bow tie and looks adorable!) 
Panning out my own life is a struggle sometimes, trying to pan it out, plan, look into the future with somebody else requires more than writing out your feelings on the internet.  On one hand it's not so bad because my best friend will always be there with me, but on the other hand, it's dooming because you feel like if you go down, you are taking that other person with you. 
I never thought I'd be here. Of course, we all can say that about some point in our lives. I feel like the decisions that I have made lately will take me on a course that I never dreamed of. Which is not bad. It seems scary and I'm scared of crashing to my death, but just before I hit the rocks, God picks me up again. I am trusting in him to make my life something beautiful. 
To be honest, I have a fear of my life, my story being boring, pointless, but I pray everyday that that doesn't happen. Getting married is a huge milestone for anybody; but for me I had, at one time, a notion that it would hold me back, that my life would just stop and everything I wanted for me would never happen. But I have spent time and time again with God pouring my heart out, telling him my fears, asking for help, and I am ready to spend my life with Israel. We aren't perfect, but we aren't alone. All of the things I wanted for me I can have with him and together, we can experience so much more. 

*hands out tissues* *steps off of pulpit* 

There is no date set.

hello Internet world! 

The last time I was here I posted a long, personal rant that could probably have been left unsaid. But at the time, it was something I felt like I needed to get off my chest. It was one of those "big purple elephants in the room" situations. 

But, we won't rehash. 

My life is in a monotonous full swing; School, job hunting, and this wedding looming in the background. 

I say looming because I have no idea where to begin. Honestly, we still have some major decisions to make and make permanent. The only thing I know is that I want lots of candlelight and I have a semi-playlist together. 

When it comes to wedding-planning, I have tons of questions; how am i supposed to pay for all this? why are photographers so expensive? do the guests have to eat? you want how much for that dress?! do you like this color? what do you mean you don't care?! well what color do you like? 

And then you have people, who with good intentions I'm sure, give their two cents, which usually sounds something like this: do what you want, so you don't have any regrets. 

So when I try to take this advise I am fought with every step of the way. 

I've gotten to the point where I have no idea what I want or I just can't afford what I want. 

 

I'm starting to think if I had planned this when I was seven, life most girls, I wouldn't be so confused. Moreover stressed out because I'm trying to write a paper at the same time I'm trying to pick a date and a cheap venue. 

OH, in case you are wondering, WE HAVE NOT SET A DATE.  

I have been asked that like 100 time, no joke. 

I didn't intend to update you on my unplanned wedding details, but there you go. 

Have a great Tuesday! 

Publicly Stated Disgust

I just want to publicly state how disgusted I am. Disgusted with this whirlwind that has become my life.
I would rant to friends/family.. etc., but I'm sure by now they are tired of hearing it. Hell, I'm tired of hearing it, but it's like it WON'T GO AWAY!!!  It just haunts me around every turn. Knocking me down and taking my breath away.

By now, you're like, WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? WHAT WHIRLWIND?

As I think I have mentioned before, Israel was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. (referred to as JDub-Land, by one youtuber.) He has semi-recently left the organization. Just so that's clear.

Well his immediate family is still going strong.. apparently.
(but probably not because I know for a fact that they break the rules too, but you don't see anybody shunning them. Please tell me how the hell you "don't celebrate Christmas", and yet, you watch Christmas movies and go to Christmas events? umm.. hypocrite?)

*Side note: if you leave the organization you are to be shunned by the JW's (no contact whatsoever. none. this is what is expected..)  because you have turned your back on the one true god/religion and you are damned to an eternity of.. well I guess just sleeping forever because they don't believe in hell.

His mother does speak to him some. Which is great!
His brother and sister-in-law however, do not.  Of course as soon as his family found out we were dating (funny story, ask me!) kinda stepped back because he was a "baptized brother" and I am (according to them) a "worldly girl".

I could give you the really long story of how he told his sister-in-law that he was leaving JDub-Land and how she turned right around and told his brother, before he had a chance to tell to the family himself..but I won't bore you with that. Cause I may break my keyboard with frustration.
Not to mention that she threatened to tell his mother within a certain amount of time if he didn't because it said to do so in some stupid handbook.

Anyway, last night we were out to dinner with a couple members of his family (a cousin and aunt) and guess who comes in! You betcha, loving bro and sis-in-law. I almost choked on my sesame seed kitty kat. Wouldn't you know they came right up to the freaking table and spoke to no one except his aunt. I mean are you freaking kidding me?! Seriously?! I could give two shits if they ever spoke to me again. But your own brother?! I find it disgusting. I don't see how people get off treating their blood and flesh like that.
I think the saddest thing was Israel's nephew came running up to him and was showing off a new toy he got. Just pure innocence, a kid happy to see his uncle. And it was awkward because the rest of us didn't know what to do. You can't snub the kid, he's innocent as far as I'm concerned.

My blood has just been boiling for days. I can't shake it.
On top of all this.. the night before me and Israel were laying down and you could here the rain on the window pane. And for a moment it was wonderful. I said "aw, it's romantic." He got this pained look on his face and said "it reminds me of my brother." And that was it. Another moment ruined among the countless others. And I can't blame him for this because I know he lives with this pain everyday.

The religious difference has always been a bit of a problem, but it feels like since he's left it, there has been more of a stress because of all the other factors it brings.

Oh, and for just in case you didn't know: we are engaged and living together!
Most people aren't thrilled about that second part, so keep you comments to yourself. I've already been informed that "I'm living in sin."
The first part I'm thrilled about! However, when I start thinking about planning a wedding or anything about it I get so weighed down because it's so bittersweet. Mostly bitter lately. I can't please everybody and with all this obstacles, it seems we can't even please ourselves!

These past few days I keep thinking is it always going to be like this? Will I always feel this burden? All this frustration, this.. injustice? Will it ever just be good?  

And I know some of you are thinking Trust God, pray, Believe that He will change it. 
I do pray. But sometimes it feels like I'm talking to the wall, or that I'm so caught up in my anger that God won't except my pleas.
Well.. that's another post for another day. 

Oh, So You're In Love?

Let's just be real for a second.. just one second. 

If you've been dating a week, you do not love that person. You like them a lot and have those intense stomach butterflies that make you wanna puke.

 Trust me, I know what that's like. (I can testify to these things now!) 

I know this is becoming a pretty common complaint, but it's driving me nuts how people on facebook are like: "i love you baby, ur my whole world. idk what id do w/o u. *insert date*" 

Over the past couple of weeks, I've had to restrain myself from making snide comments because I didn't want to start a fight. But, trust me, I know I'm right. If you've been dating a less than a month and you're already claiming that person is "your world" you need help. and Jesus. He's your world. 

When I first told Israel I loved him, I felt like I was going to puke. (of course this is also part of my personality, I don't just go around loving everybody) And let the record show it was like two months after we started dating. I didn't fall in love with him and confess it until like 3 or 4 months. And even then I was thinking I was rushing into things. 

Being with Israel has been the first and longest relationship I've ever had and I'm not terribly ashamed to admit that because I don't have this horrid track record of guys who did me wrong. With that said, I don't know a lot about relationships from a personal experience, but I've witnessed a lot and seen enough lifetime movies to know what works and what doesn't work. Such as, overusing the L word. 

And most of the time people (especially us young whippersnappers with raging hormones) mix up the L words Love and Lust. And that's another post for another day. 

Dating a week= you do not love that person. You have intense butterflies and chances are you just like having sex with them. 

"Don't have sex, you will get pregnant and die" - Mean Girls. 

Wednesday Update

"life makes love look hard, the stakes are high, the waters rough, but this love is ours." 

Taylor Swift always makes me feel better... most of the time... 

I have survived two whole days this week, a conference with my English teacher, a history test, and managed not to cry when I received a D+ on my last Eng assignment. 

Whew, and it's only Wednesday!! 

As you're now wondering "What?! You made a D+?!!" 

Yes, and I'll have you know that I'm stressing that plus. Instead of having class on Monday and today, my teacher had us schedule conference times to come meet with him in his office. 15 whole minutes. My conference only last 13 minutes, Thank God. 

I did, however, receive good feedback....

 "You're on the right track" and "Don't get discouraged about that low grade, you'll have a chance to revise it."

In all it went well, considering how terrified of him I am. I'm not too happy about that D.. but if I can fix it and bring it up a letter grade, I could be satisfied. 

My apt complex here at Pembroke is hiring a team member. I sent in my resume and sent up a prayer that something good will happen. 

Today is dreary.. it's cool and the breeze is nice, but it's threatening to rain and I have a long walk back to my room after class... I'd rather not walk in the rain. I still have yet to get an umbrella- ella-ella- aye-aye..  

Happy Wednesday Everybody! Hope your day sucks.. I mean. Have a great Day ;) 

me, taylor swift, and israel

SORRY FOR THE ABSENCE!

to be brief and blunt.. i feel like i have fallen off my rocker.
i have come to the conclusion that i don't like school. i i tell you otherwise i'm probably lying. i'm pretty good at that.. or am i? *strokes mustache*

today i have managed to make about 3% progress... as opposed to the 15% i usually try to make.

also today i gave myself a homemade hair cut because i have no money and had absolutely disgusting split ends. however, i have my own scissors, so i just took matters into my own hands. muahahaha.

currently i am listening to Taylor Swift, trying not to fall into the depths of dispair. i've been there a lot lately(hence fallen off rocker)
i am having a hard time adjusting and demons from my past.. that never really stayed in my past have caught up with me. before i reach suicidal breakdown mode again, i contacted my schools counseling service and i'm seeing someone. i just started and so i've really only complained about my english teacher (who is the devil's spawn, btw) apparently i have to figure out what "emily wants". what's going to make her happy? and i'll have you know, i told her my circus idea and she did not object!!!

but enough of that..

tomorrow will mark 6 months of dating Israel. ( a.k.a jeremiah, jerusalem, moses...)
i'm honest to goodness happy about this. yes, of course he makes me jump for joy and goo goo eyed, but over all he makes me content, which makes me happy. i feel like this is one of the most stable things in my life right now. most people don't get that, and people probably think we're crazy, which we probably are, but that works for us.

on an ending note, that's a life lesson i've recently learned: different things work for different people. relationships, school, work, dog preference.. and so on. we have no right to judge what others do.. even that's hard a lot of times. "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" 

College+Love=Mind Blown

I have no idea where to start. I have so many thoughts floating around in my head. 

But, as I've mentioned many times before, this IS MY BLOG and I can say whatever I'd like. 

And thank goodness it's not going to be graded! 

My English class is kicking my buttocks. 

My science/weather class has confused me beyond measure. 

My math class is actually going pretty well.. despite how much I hate math. 

My history class is.. well, it's going. 

There are sometimes ( like today when my work in my Eng class was ripped apart and basically scrutinized to poop.) when I feel like dropping out of school. 

But then a little silver lining appears (like when I make B's on my math work) that I feel like I can keep on trucking. 

Today I made a mantra of saying "I hate college." After a little while of that I realized that I don't really hate college, I hate general ed. Classes you have to take because the man says you have to take. When I can take a whole slew of classes I want to take, I think I might be happier.. and then again I could hate those as well. Hopefully we'll find out. You know, if I don't join the circus before then. 

Ok, so that's like 55% of the floating thoughts, the other 45% is my personal, romantic life. 

(which is going pretty good, thanks for asking:) 

Our relationship (me and my boyfriend, that is) is special. And I'm not just saying that because I'm blinded by love. I'm saying that because we have what is classified as a "inter-religious" relationship. 

It's complicated and then again, it's not. 

I'm a christian/Pentecostal and he's a Jehovah's Witness.  

At first it was weird.. and we weren't even sure it was a good idea.. and this is a long and complicated story.. sorta.. anyway, not really the point. 

The point:  Things have gotten really serious in the short amount of time we've know each other/been together. 

We've been playing "the what if and when" game. 

Over the past few days I've also had a lot of those "wow, never thought I'd be here" moments. And with the big, obvious reason it's really been mind blowing. 

V-CARD

"Dont have sex, you will get pregnant, and DIE!" -coach from Mean Girls 

If you know me outside of this blog, or even inside this blog, you are well aware that I am not to found of babies, nor do I have a desire to have one of my own. Having said that, it should be no big surprise when I say the very thought of getting pregnant scares the hell out of me.  

Now let's jump back to sixth grade health class. Those horrible images of pubic hair morphing in still haunt me to this day. But in that class I learned a very valuable lesson. 

IF YOU HAVE SEX YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE! 

translation: if you have sex you can get pregnant!! 

This very reason, along with the sheer fact that I'm just not ready to "give it up" is why I have not yet had sex. I, Emily Michelle Greene, am still a virgin. 

Your probably wondering "where the heck is all this coming from?"

Ever since I starting dating my wonderful boyfriend I have been bombarded with "concerns" from people who just want me to "do the right thing". 

I'm sorry, the last time I checked, I could cloth myself, dress myself, drive a car, pay taxes, and wipe my own butt. I think I'm perfectly capable of make other PERSONAL big girl decisions on my own. 

If and When I decide upon those things, it should be nobody else's business, except my partner. Not your bothers sisters cousins friend who knows a guy who knows another guy who has this friend who knows this guys cousins sisters boyfriends baby daddy's. 

For all you "concerned" citizens of my sex life (in this case, my non-exsistent sex life), please back off. 

Where Am I?

Holy Crap, it's been a year since I graduated High School! 

(well technically there's like 4 more days to be considered a full year.. but who's counting?) 

I still have a bunch of high school friends on my FB, so I see a lot of the major news. Esp the buzz about Graduation. 

That was a good day. 

Actually, probably the best thing about high school was leaving it. The whole Graduation season is worthy of celebration, it's like Christmas for smart people.. and dumb people, as long as they passed everything! 

It makes me think... It's been a year and where am I? 

I sometimes hate asking myself this question. But sometimes I find positive things and it makes it worthwhile. 

I'm not on the fast track to Missouri, like I'd thought I'd be. Come to think of it I'm not on the fast track to anywhere. And for right now I'm making myself be ok with that. Until I figure out where I am going, it's ok to go slow.

In the past year I have learned some valuable life lessons:

Slacking gets you no where! 

Skipping class in bad! ..well skipping a lot of classes is bad... sometimes it's ok... 

Starting off on the wrong foot is bad! 

Being honest with yourself and others is good! 

Being logical and realistic is good! 

Taking risks is scary and good and an opportunity to lean! ( and get a cute boyfriend :)

Super-Short Love Story

It's been a few days, so today seemed like a good day to blog. 


Weekends are supposed to be the time when you relax and enjoy yourself. Besides New Years', it's the most counted down date known to man. 
For me, I wouldn't describe this past weekend as relaxing or enjoyable, bittersweet, maybe. 
Friday "some stuff went down" ( you know when people say that Jerry Springer issh is about to happen!). 
I won't go into detail about said "stuff", just know it was a sticky situation among friends (money was involved, hence STICKY). 
It was one of those situations where you can 


A: go off the deep end and ruin relationships that have been the salt to your pepper 
or 
B: swallow your pride, be responsible, and learn from it

I chose B. 
I need the salt to my pepper, and I like to think of myself as a reasonable person... I also hate when people turn things into Jerry Springer Episodes. I may not be the most reasonable person on the planet, but I try to be mature. Which is more than I can say for the guests of Jerry Springer. 


After "the stuff" went down..  the genre of my weekend went from trashy reality t.v to a full out romantic drama full length feature presentation. 


SAY WHAT?


For the past two months I have been harboring a secret relationship. (Some of you may already know about it, but were sworn to secrecy) I was crucial that we kept it on the down low ( I'll explain why later). WE GOT CAUGHT! 




In Jan or Feb I met this guy, who just so happened to by my best friend's cousin. ( talk about keeping it in the family.) At first the thought of anything between us never crossed my mind. There's a lot that goes along with that. 
And thinking about it now, it may take two or five post ( from my point of view) to tell you the whole story. 
So for now I'll give you the super-short version.. 


Girl meets Boy. 
Friendship blossoms. 
Confessions of super fat eight grade crush. 
Due to religious differences, agonizing debate on weather to "give this a try". 
Decide to "give it a try"!! However, must keep it a secret! 
Awkward confessions of Love.
Comfortable confessions of Love. 
Confessions of "In Love". 
Torrid Love affair caught by hottie boyfriend's family. 
Girl feels like she is going to be sick. 
Boy, calmly, takes care of it. 
Change of FB relationship status!! 


You think that's a lot? Wait for the full length feature post.
 If you go to my FB, you will see who he is. 
I can't describe how wonderful he is. Honestly, if you saw how sappy I might get, you might think I've lost my mind. Hell sometimes when I analyze this whole thing, I feel like I've lost my mind. 


But that's ok..  

love according to webster

According to Webster... LOVE has several meanings. 

the first three include: 

  a  : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties   

 b :attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers 

 c : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interest

So when we say we love our mom, it's because we have personal ties with her. 

When we say we love Ryan Gosling, it's because we have a sexual desire for him. 

And when we say we love.. a significant other it's because we have affections based on admiration and common interest. 

Why is she talking about this? I'm glad you asked! 

I was just pondering the word. I feel as if people use the word to loosely nowadays, and when I use it I don't want to abuse the power it once held. ( man, that was deep!) But I'm serious. (as a heat attack) 

I've seen people, we've all seen people, on FB for instance, that are in a "relationship" with somebody for two days and they are dropping L bombs. And not to mention it's always spelled incorrectly.

i.e- bby i luv u. u tha best thang in mu lif and i wud die w/o u! i luv u soooooooooooooooo much!!! :) abc+def 4eva!!!!!

 

 Give me a break.. and spell check! No. You do not LOVE that person. Chances are you are sleeping with that person and you LOVE having sex with them, but them as person, you do not LOVE. 

However, I guess it's safe to say that in a "good relationship" the second two go hand in hand. But that's another battle, for another day. 

I have a strong affection for the taste of pineapples (which sounds really weird now that I've typed it), therefore, I LOVE pineapples. 

My mother held me in her womb for 9 months and we have a personal tie, therefore, I LOVE her. 

And well... when the last LOVE comes to pass, we will blurt that on the internet as well ;) 

I guess the point of this was to educate you on Webster's first three definitions of love.. and how we shouldn't abuse the L word. Tell me, what are things you LOVE.. or just simply have a strong sexual desire for? ;)

man-candy

generally i panic and look down when i see boys that i like. i'm almost certain that it's a mental condition. 
however, as of late, i have been slowly cracking the shell open and making contact. 
this particular piece of man candy is in one of my classes at school. and for a while i've tried to make small flirty chit chat.. ( Lord help me!) at first, the only thing i did was stick my foot in my mouth, so i backed off. i have a tragic fear of rejection.. btw. 
after giving up, said man candy still noticed that i was on the planet, so often i give myself pep talks... and now that i have a plan of action the semester is over! i have really bad timing as well apparently. 
any who.. the other day i made great progress! i got out of my first class early and went i went to wait for my next one, guess who was sitting, ALONE i might add, man candy!
 i strolled right over to the couch and sat beside him. i grabbed his text book from his hand and threw it on the floor. before he could protest i grabbed his face in my hands and said in a very sensuous voice "i know you've been waiting for me" and i kissed him, in front of God and the computer geeks! 


..ok so we both know that really didn't happen. but wouldn't that have been amazing?!!! (yes, it would have) but i did go over there and sat across from him. i said "hey" i pulled out my book to read because i didn't want to look desperate. and to my surprise HE initiated conversation. we talked for like 30 mins before class. it was awesome :) 
baby steps. 
i have never admitted anything like this to anyone before(err.. at least publicly where it could come back to haunt me).. so feel special!! 
i want his number so bad i can taste the text messages. (too much?) 


will you look at this.. i'm losing my mind!! what has happened to Emily???!
*that is the though provoking question. 


ohh p.s! the best freaking part about this is he's tall!!! he has like 4 inches on me!! :) 

ghetto booty hot dog tattoos

so today at Ross, i bought these super tight ghetto booty jeans. i mean, every curve/roll is being rugged and squeezed. 

i'm not sure how well this will go over, but we're gonna try them out. i really bought them because when i wear my rain boots, i want to wear them like the little preppy girls. you know the whole tucked in deal. 

Tuesday is my last day working at the grill. i'd be lying to say i wasn't excited. not that i don't like the people there ( and by that i mean the people that i work with, the customers are a different story..) i'm just ready for something else. i hate slinging hot dogs and cleaning up explosive dookie off the walls. oh the horror. i have another job lined up, which is the main reason i'm leaving the grill. this couple at my church has a curtain shop and have offered me a job there, so i seized the opportunity! i start on Thursday at 10 o'clock :) 

good things come to those who wait.. and believe me, i've been waiting. 

speaking of good things, i'm getting a tattoo. 

hells yea, i'm super excited. 

its going to be the quote "love conquers all" ( yes i know that can be a cheesy quote, but for me its all about the Jesus love, and when you think about it that way.. it's perfect! ) in front of the quote there is going to be a bird cage with the door open and then little birds flying away. it doesn't sound as good as it will look, i promise it will be intense :) 

so speaking of tattoos, if you have a tattoo, why do you have one? if not, let's say you were to get one, what would it be? 

sorry for the spelling errors.. no spell check :(

yes, i am aware of my absense.. but actually having a life for a few days kept me away for the monotone complaining i tend to bore you with.

let's just get right to the point:
I MET JOHN COOPER.. AGAIN. and it was beyond amazing! (i have a picture but i'm usign the schools computer right now)
the concert was intense. no flames.. but they still rocked my face off. out seats were kinda high(not floor seats) and one time when i was trying to head bang (i'm not very good) i almost fell on the people in front of us.
the losers i should say.
who the F goes to a rock concert and SITS DOWN! come on people. have some respect. if your that tired.. go ride the ferris wheel.
any who.. the whole experience was great. i haven't truely smiled that much in a long time.
went to a wedding literally right after that. well we drove to the beach and the next day went to a wedding. that was pretty fun.. idk. weddings make me apathatic. all i think about it the soaring devorice rate.. and the fact that the dude, or the women will cheat when they get tired of their significant other.
i'm happy for them but, you know. nothing lasts forever. sex, marriage, def not love.
i take that back. Jesus love lasts forever.

i'm at school now and i'm ready to crawl under a blanket and sleep like rip van winkle. isn't that the guy who slept for like a hundred years and woke up to a completely diffrent world? if that's not our boy rip..you get what i mean. just one more class.
then i have to go home and work on that essay that was due earlier..
procrastination will be the death of me.


p.s: this has no substance.. the rain has made me blah..
how does the rain make you feel?

everyday i'm shuffling with Jerry and Jane

"everyday i'm shuffling" 

beast song. 

i'm annoyed. 

you (mr./mrs. not going to be mentioned) are getting on my last freaking nerves. you walk into the room and i'm busting through the walls, trying to get out. don't breathe, its loud and sounds disgusting, don't move, and do not speak. oh please don't speak to me. to communicate with you is driving me up and over the mountain. and i'm falling in slow motion so i'm not going to hit the ground for a while. this drawn out torture might just as well be the death of me. 

i wanna get lost in a love song and slowly drift away in the setting sun with my other half. how cheesy does that sound? but on the flip side it sounds amazing and novel. to love, like Jane Eyre, for example, would be amazing, don't cha think? not this trashy Jerry Springer crap most people have. 

i'm tired of bull crap... not just on the topic of the other sex.. i'm stale. 

poor myrtle is falling apart. for those of you who don't know.. myrtle is my car. i feel like i am barely keeping up with school and i don't hardly remember to talk with God until the day is done or when i need something.. how great is that? not to great.. 

"put another x on the calendar, summers on its death bed.." P.@.D

if you don't listen to panic at the disco.. you suck. go listen to them now!!! 

my love life and webcam photos

a huge boulder has been lifted from my shoulders.. Tim finally has proper software!! *throws confetti and pops some bubbly* 
it cost me literally a whole paycheck, but thats ok. it was worth it! i'm a bit more prepared for college.. and thats what counts right? 


to restate the obvious.. yes i know this hasn't been very well kept up.
but i have good reasons! 
-school
-work
-working on my love life..           
and by that i mean there is this really cute guy in one of my classes and i got two nods from him the other day. two nods! woot woot. progress. baby steps. 
and my two year crush is going well too. there is progress :) however, it seems like whenever we get alone. we aren't alone. awkwardness just circles around us like cancer. i hate the awkwardness. it's like that part in Ricky Bobby.. "i don't know what to do with my hands" baby steps. but i'm not getting any younger here.. i'm tired of taking baby steps.. geez dude just ask me on a date. i don't wanna freaking marry you. any who.. 


me and my little sister have been entertaining ourselves the past couple of days with the webcam and its effects.. 

this is my.. i'm going to eat your children face 

i should not have smoked that.. 

trim spa before...

after.