Maybe

Maybe I should have stayed..

Maybe I should have gone... 

Maybe I should have ate breakfast.. 

Maybe I should have been more prepared.. 

Maybe these kids in the computer lab should not be on their cell phones...

Maybe I should just drop out of school and run away... 

Maybe I could hitch hike all the way to California, get a waitress job and live from couch to couch until I make it in the big time... 

Or not... 

Maybe I could run away and live off the land, like a pioneer.. 

Or not.. 

Maybe I could run away and meet a genie who would grant me three wishes.. 

That'd be nice... 

Money can buy Happiness

Hey,  What's up. 

Sorry I haven't been attentive. And I'll have you know that I've had so much on my mind lately, that if I would've put my mind to it I could have pounded out some good stuff. 

Like today I had this thought... (this sprouting from the ongoing college what-nots)

IT'S NOT FREAKING FAIR THAT ALL THESE STUPID "CELEBS" ARE ROLLING IN THE DOUGH SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY PARTY ALL THE TIME (JERSEY SHORE RING A BELL???) AND THE REST OF US (NORMAL PEOPLE WHO ARE SCRAPING TO GET BY) ARE UP TO OUR EYEBALLS IN DEBT JUST TO GO TO COLLEGE AND GRADUATE AND MAYBE GET A DECENT JOB AFTERWARDS!!!!! 

SERIOUSLY?! 

I mean, come on!! Where is the JUSTICE America???

Land of the free?!  

Yea, Right. Until you get a job and 1/4 of your hard earned money will be sucked out of that no questions asked. Got a problem with it? Well too freaking bad! 

Sorry for the outburst, readers. But you have to see where I'm coming from.

Stressed out doesn't even begin to describe how I've felt lately. 

"Money doesn't buy happiness." 

I think I'd have to disagree a little.. 

i hate growing up

"I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare. I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair." - Simple Plan 

When exactly do you stop being considered a kid? 
12, when you're not supposed to order off the kids menu anymore? 
16, when you start driving?
18, when you are "legal"?
21, when you can buy booze?
When you stop sitting at the kids table at family dinners? 
When you have kids yourself? 


I've knocked the first three off my list ( even though I still eat off the kids menu sometimes), but sometimes I still feel like a little kid. When kids are little all they..err.. we... dream of is growing up.
Driving, making money, not having so much authority to answer to. Only once we get "grown up" ourselves we realize that all the money we make on our own goes into the car so that we can drive. And the authority we answer to are fat white people on capitol hill, who take the rest of the money we make, that's not in the gas tank.
Can I get an AMEN?! 
I'm not even at full "grown up" status and I'm ready to book it back to the kids table.
Mostly because all my money is in the gas tank, I've realized that I hate making my own decisions, I still can't have booze, and I'm terrified to have my own children. 


Let me back track... Sometimes I like making my own decisions. But when it comes to the big stuff like college or a job or life choices, I secretly think it would be easier if I had somebody to tell me what to do.


All this was inspired from listening to Simple Plan's "Grow up". Thanks, Simple Plan for depressing me on growing up. I got to thinking about how much things really suck now that I'm more aware of the world I live in. And yesterday I had the quick thought that I was going to run out of time. Like now that I am growing up and I've realized there are so many things I'd like to do and accomplished, I may not get the chance to do everything. 
I quickly put that thought away... 

Wish Me Luck

According to Webster's Dictionary, Depression means:b (1) : a state of feeling sad : dejection (2) : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies.
Well that sounds like fun, doesn't it?
Let me answer for you. 
No. Not it does not sound like fun. 
When I was in the ninth grade I went to therapy for a while. I was depressed. I assumed that after getting over suicidal tendencies, I wouldn't be depressed anymore. Well you know what they say about people who assume things.. 
Any who, before you go assuming that I'm fixing to go off myself, I started out with that because I have been feeling depressed lately. However, the skies are clearing up and I'm starting to feel better. But it's had some really bad sad effects. I'm behind in school, like really behind in school. The only class that I've given any real attention to is acting. 
Also, being depressed causes my brain to think, and overthink. Opening the door to doubt every decision I've made thus far. Esp, in regards to Missouri. 
SAY WHAT?!  
Sadly, the thoughts have been there. 
Is this where I really wanna go? 
Am I ready for this?
Do I really want to be that far away? 
The list goes on and on and on and on. Long list. 
For right now, I'm still going. I need to, I think. If I don't all my nightmares could come true. 
In fact they have this college weekend of sorts, EU24. I'm attempting to register now, but the website won't load properly. So in April I will get a taste of what I'm in for. 


Wish me luck!