Tuesday Morning

One of my favorite personal pastimes is sitting on the floor writing in my notebook. Obviously I'm not writing in my journal now, but I am sitting on the floor. I've been in my bed all morning and I decided a change of pace would be nice. 
I woke up 45 mins before my alarm went off and it's only 9:07. It feels like it should be 12 by now! 

So far, this morning, I have managed to take goofy pictures of myself, decided to skip class ( its the last week before finals and we are watching a video..), get on facebook, get on pintrest, workout (shocking! I know! I found an easy ab workout on pintrest and since I was feeling lazy decided to give it a go.), and now here I am; sitting on the floor, putting my thoughts out there in cyberspace, oh and listening to George Strait (Don't judge me!). 


I know its been awhile, Thanksgiving has come and gone. I had a great break. The last couple of days, went by too fast though. Now that Thanksgiving is out of the way, we can focus on Christmas!!!!!! 
Ok, I'm not that excited.. 

It's hard to believe that this semester is basically over. All semester I've been waiting for this, and now that its here, I feel like it snuck up on me. However, the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. Yesterday I turned in my final research paper (for this semester). I know I'm speaking for a whole butt load of people when I say that I'll be glad when I get my gen ed credits out of the way and I can start on my Lit classes. After next semestre I should be able to start taking those. 

Now that I have bored you to tears... It's now 9:21. 
I almost feel motivated to clean or do something drastically productive. This is bad. Call the Preist! 

I've learned..

I have learned over the past several years ( because I'm so old and wise, I "know things" now) that life is constantly changing. Even if you live in the same dead beat town your whole life, you're always moving to a different stage of life. Sometimes it feels like you've leveled up, and sometimes it feels like you been sent to jail, not passing go, not collecting two hundred dollars. Sometimes you can't even collect two dollars. 

I have also recently learned that you can want something so much you can taste it. And then you get it and it leaves a bitter taste in you mouth. You want to give it back and ask the waitress to bring you tea instead of coke. Well in life, a lot of times there is not waitress to change your order, so you have to sneak back to the kitchen and do it yourself. And then sometimes you get caught by the bus-boy and you have to choke down the coke for the time being. 

Right now I'm at a stage in life where I'm trying to teach myself that sometimes you have to choke down the coke because you might like the taste eventually. Or it could be like beer and no matter how much you try to choke it down your stomach turns and you want to puke. 

If you're wondering where all this is coming from... 

I feel like school is kicking me in the butt right now... more like giving me a swirly in the boys bathroom.

 My first big assignment in my English class was to write a paragraph. Just one paragraph. We worked on them in class, in the lab, and got help from the teacher. I had three drafts of this one stupid paragraph and I got a freaking C. I know it wasn't perfect, but  I felt like my grade could've been a little better. 

Not to mention the first quiz I got a D on. And how bad I'm doing in my math class... 

I hate school. 

I said I wanted to be a English teacher... Umm... Needless to say, I'm rethinking that.     

I feel like giving up on school altogether. 

But I've learned that that just makes it worse.

 I'm choking down bad grades, a rough teacher, this semester, in hope that it will get better.                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Sylvia Plath is in my book club

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.  From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked.  One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out.  I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose.  I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.  ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, Chapter 7




What can you say to begin digesting this? I find its hopeless ambition bittersweet. 
Have you ever reached a point in your life where there are so many things, ideally, that you would like to achieve? But you can't pick one and motivate yourself to reach the chosen goal. And then that poses the question, how do you pick just one? I think in today's society we don't have to. Everybody can be a triple threat. It just takes the will and drive ( *and daddy's money, and spreading your legs)to get it. 
We have wants and needs, yet lack motivation. 
And the really kicker is, some people don't have a lack of motivation. Some people see what they want and take it. Fear of failure is not on the list of conquering the world. 
I watched the movie about Sylvia Plath and now I feel a little obsessed with her. She was  a great and tortured mind.  I want to be a great mind! ( but i can't even write English papers... I dream big!) I also want to read The Bell Jar now. and and.. I want to start a book club. 


*strictly for sarcastic purposes only. i do not suggest you do these things to conquer the world. 

a librarian and a English teacher walk into a bar...

i'm just going to pitch a tent and move into the library. not that i'm complaining.. i love the library :) 

as i've said before, i often fantasize about being a librarian. 

today i didn't have my western civ class. we were supposed to come to the library and look up topics for our research paper. i went to eat lunch with Rachel and one of her cooking chums. now i'm in the library checking Facebook, blogging, and then! i will start working on school work. ( you can clearly see where my priorities lay.. esp., since i'm listening to music on top of all of that) 

i'm not quite sure what i set out to blog about, however, isn't that the beauty of this blog? most of the time there is no point and you still enjoy reading it. and if there is no point, sometimes i find a point in the midst of typing away like a crazy women. 

we have been going over comma's in English for the past week. worksheets, lecture's, the whole nine yards. it struck a thought in me.. what would my teacher say if he read my blog?

would he freak out and have a heart attack because of all the grammar errors i make? not to mention all the misspelled words. not saying i'm going to ask or try to clean my act up on here.. well maybe a little. i mean if i do ever decide to seriously write something, i'm sure good grammar will come in handy. but who knows? i can't even get two pages into a story without boring myself to tears. i'm not very good at making up stories.

now a lie, that's a different story;) 

emotional uproar of prayers

i just killed my dad. 
sike! 
i'm trying my hand at writing out this idea in my head again and i decided the dad should be dead, you know tie in some emotional uproar. 
and no, that doesn't mean i subconsciously want my dad dead. cause i know you were so thinking that. 


this writing thing is actually pretty fun. (duh) when you can come up with words you like. and nothing is permanent. i knew that but, i'm learning it now. 


facebook is going to rot my brain and cause me to be one of the dumbest people in the world. 
i start school in two weeks, that can't happen! 
speaking of school, i'm excited and anticipating what it holds for me this year. its going to be way different.  


i'm sleepy. 
go to bed.
i will eventually. 


i got the week off officially for the mission trip! oh how i am rejoicing. i'm so happy :) 
i work tomorrow, and sunday then bam! no work til the next sunday. the only sucky part about that is i virtually loose a week of pay, but its going to be worth it:
"never underestimate my Jesus"  
at training for said trip we have been doing a lot of praying.. which has been amazing. it motivates me to want to prayer more on my own like that. instead of just quick prayers here and there. 

Emily and TIm sitting on the couch, B-l-o-g-g-i-n-g

guess what! 

I'm blogging in my apartment on Tim! 

say what? like you got wifi hooked up already? 

no silly, i can access somebody else's network on Tim without a password! 

isn't that stealing?

um... well technically, probably yes. but for now lets just look at this as a blessing. I mean I can't help it if somebody else's wifi signal is all up in my grill and me and Tim just happen to take advantage of it. 

i figured this out yesterday.. i was going to blog about it when i found out but then i had to go to work and then after work i had this party thing to attend so.. i held off. 

i don't have to be at work until two today but my body is programmed now to get up and 9:30 so thats when i got up. i laid there trying to go back to sleep but it just wasn't working.. so i got up, did my bathroom rituals and now here i am. 

i started another story yesterday at work. i once heard that good writers are inspired by everything and when you get an idea you should write in down. on napkins, scrap paper.. some people keep little notepads with them. well i've had this idea in my head for a while. and every time i try to do something with it it turns out completely different. like the last story i wrote.. which i never finished BTW.  but this one i had a few sentences  i was just playing with in my head and standing around at work i decided to write them down before i forgot them. then i kept going and going. i had three ticket backs full when i left work. i like my start.. for now. i don't know how much of it is gold but we'll see. i finally have an idea i like! which inspires me. i really want to take a writing class. i need to look into that for next semester! 

i'm inspired by a lot of things ( not to sound cocky). what about you, what inspires you? 

Blogging instead of Schooling

i don't know if I've talked about this on here or not but recently I've been trying to write this story. and I had big plans for it... oh yea i did post about this.
anyway.. i got started and now... i don't really like where its going. i took it in a direction that quite frankly sucks to me. now I'm totally discouraged. i want to start a new project but i feel bad just leaving this one in the dirt. maybe  i can just come up with some really cheesy ending and leave it be. if I'm straight forward with what i want to say i like it much better however, i don't know if it has a good flow like that. i broke the story in half and there likes two different directions its going in. the first second part will be easier for me to put an ending too. when i say easier i mean shorter. i think that's what I'll do. wrap it up in some ending and start fresh. i know i have to work on building characters. i make them all like me. ... which as my friend told me, is not good to have a story with all Emily's. (notice i say story and not book. it really irrks me when stupid teenagers write these emo love stories and think they will be on the NYT best sellers next week. just saying..) 

I'll just worry about that later.. i need a laptop. so i can take it places and write. trying to write at school and home totally sucks up all my creative juices. and my energy. esp in this computer class.  i get zip done. (i.e: blogging instead of doing school work)

Tonight is the Nicholas Sparks lecture. I'm so excited! I haven't read any of his books in a while but I'm still excited to hear what he's going to talk about. I;m not sure if its about him or writing, hopefully it will be a little of both. Will I look like a suck up if I take a notebook and write stuff down? pssh. Who cares? I've never met an author.. er one that I've actually read. This is a first. If he does a met and greet I plan to tell him that his books gives me anxiety! I get all into them and somebody always freaking dies! despite the death they are painfully good. (i am sceretly a sap) Some of my favorites are: True Believer, A Bend in the Road, and Message in a Bottle. Those are the ones I've read. Out of the movies, obviously, The Notebook and A Walk to Remember are great. I encourage you to read them. Curl up with a blanket and get some freaking tissues!

I'm a writer?!

"Hey i like that song"
Well i certainly hope i like that song, it is coming from my ipod.

I started writing a story. I started it awhile back and then kinda stopped because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with it. Now I know what I want to do with it and now I'm super excited. The central idea is for me to relay my story from a previous period in my life that holds a heavy and special place in my heart.
 And I know you, dear reader, are wondering what period is she talking about. Could it be when she was a emotional teenager..? and thus brings the question.. aren't there already tons of books like that?
The answer to number one is no! ha. gotcha.
The answer to number two is yes! ha. I hate being a cliche.
The period is when I was a youngster..well about 14.. maybe a little older. I knew this guy who I clicked with and I swear on my grave there was something there. However it was love lost because nothing could ever come of it anyways, plus he kinda fell off the face of the earth. Which is weird, horrible, an endless list of adjectives.
I have several theories for his disappearence.  
Maybe he died. (God forbid)
Maybe he was in a  coma. (As long as he wakes up I'd be OK with that.)
Maybe he found somebody else that he could legally be out in public with ( That is understandable, but highly unlikely)
Anyhow I could go on and on. And believe me I do. I obsess over it all the time. Which makes me feel even more crazier...
Back to my story!
My central idea is to keep him alive in it. That looks weird when you spell it out, but in my head it does makes since.
So now I'm working on fine tuning my character for said guy. I'm having trouble with that, but when I get it worked out I will be ready to roll!

Mondays are my least favorite day and the slowest. I was going to go to the gym, but I have lost the zeal I think. However I have big plans for tonight:
EAT!
WRITE!
WATCH season finale of Pretty Little Liars!
oh and practice that monolouge I've been assigned for a month now..