Wednesday Update

"life makes love look hard, the stakes are high, the waters rough, but this love is ours." 

Taylor Swift always makes me feel better... most of the time... 

I have survived two whole days this week, a conference with my English teacher, a history test, and managed not to cry when I received a D+ on my last Eng assignment. 

Whew, and it's only Wednesday!! 

As you're now wondering "What?! You made a D+?!!" 

Yes, and I'll have you know that I'm stressing that plus. Instead of having class on Monday and today, my teacher had us schedule conference times to come meet with him in his office. 15 whole minutes. My conference only last 13 minutes, Thank God. 

I did, however, receive good feedback....

 "You're on the right track" and "Don't get discouraged about that low grade, you'll have a chance to revise it."

In all it went well, considering how terrified of him I am. I'm not too happy about that D.. but if I can fix it and bring it up a letter grade, I could be satisfied. 

My apt complex here at Pembroke is hiring a team member. I sent in my resume and sent up a prayer that something good will happen. 

Today is dreary.. it's cool and the breeze is nice, but it's threatening to rain and I have a long walk back to my room after class... I'd rather not walk in the rain. I still have yet to get an umbrella- ella-ella- aye-aye..  

Happy Wednesday Everybody! Hope your day sucks.. I mean. Have a great Day ;) 

College Weenie

I need a job, or at least some structured activites here at college, or i'm afraid I might turn into an even more weenie. To show you what I mean, I have photo evidence of my weenie-ness. Enjoy: 

I know what you're thinking "DANG, can I dem digits?" 

Ladies and Germs, there is no logical excuse for this. 

So far this is what college has done to me. My brain is still mushy from three months of doing nothing, and the aftermath of last semester. I'm not warmed up for critical thinking, analytical math question that are IRRELEVANT in the REAL WORLD, quizzes (pop or planned), or reading assignments. 

As far as the last hour of my college existence I have been glued to pintrest. 

I attempted the Braided Headband". It's soo cute. And since I'm such an avid lover of the braid, I'm trying to spice up my regular side braid. I think it might look better if my hair was curly, but here's my attempt: 

Earthlings and Tom Petty

GREETINGS EARTHLINGS! 

I was going to write this whole thing in caps, but I decided not to scream at you for a brief amount of time. To answer your question, no I am not dead and have not been eaten by a pack of savage wolfs. I have just been neglecting my self appointed blogging duties. 

I'm finally moved into my apartment at school! And I must say it's a pretty sweet hook-up. 

Classes do not start until tomorrow, so my brain still feels like mush. I have three classes tomorrow and I'm pretty sure that by the afternoon I'll feel like I've been beat in the head. 

I planned to walk to campus sometime today to walk around and get my bearings, but so far that plan has epicly failed. I've taken a shower, ate lunch with my roommates, and talked to my boyfriend. Walking around in the heat, not knowing where I'm going, just has not yet proved to be an exciting plan. I think I've talked myself into waiting until evening, so it'll be cool.

Right now I'm sitting at a ill angle typing away and listening to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Have I told you about my latest obsession with Tom Petty? It's been so long, I can't remember.

I'm convinced that all there stuff is good. So go to youtube (or spotify if you have it) type in Top Petty and the Heartbreakers and listen to everything!! 

my inner hippie is swooning 

Stevie Nicks: I'm going to join The Heartbreakers 

Tom Petty: but there are no girls in the Heartbreakers 

Where Am I?

Holy Crap, it's been a year since I graduated High School! 

(well technically there's like 4 more days to be considered a full year.. but who's counting?) 

I still have a bunch of high school friends on my FB, so I see a lot of the major news. Esp the buzz about Graduation. 

That was a good day. 

Actually, probably the best thing about high school was leaving it. The whole Graduation season is worthy of celebration, it's like Christmas for smart people.. and dumb people, as long as they passed everything! 

It makes me think... It's been a year and where am I? 

I sometimes hate asking myself this question. But sometimes I find positive things and it makes it worthwhile. 

I'm not on the fast track to Missouri, like I'd thought I'd be. Come to think of it I'm not on the fast track to anywhere. And for right now I'm making myself be ok with that. Until I figure out where I am going, it's ok to go slow.

In the past year I have learned some valuable life lessons:

Slacking gets you no where! 

Skipping class in bad! ..well skipping a lot of classes is bad... sometimes it's ok... 

Starting off on the wrong foot is bad! 

Being honest with yourself and others is good! 

Being logical and realistic is good! 

Taking risks is scary and good and an opportunity to lean! ( and get a cute boyfriend :)

Deep update on my life!

Summer has finally here!! 

Starting off my summer propped up on the couch because my back is hurting is not how imagined it would be... But you know, that whole "dreams coming true" crap is for the birds.

That come off a bit snarky didn't it? 

Any who.. enough about back pain. 

 The best part about summer is that school is out! Finally I can stop stressing about procrastinating. Such a load off. The one thing I learned this past semester is that starting out on the wrong foot leads to you never regaining balance and falling. Which is exactly what happened to my academic life this semester. 

I've had time to reflect, I guess you could say. I changed all my plans (i.e: Missouri) and now I feel like I'm at step one again. Well maybe not step one, step five wondering if I should back track to step two or close my eyes and jump to step six. So many steps!!!

I also learned that I need to make another plan. I decided not to go to Missouri, but to stay here, get an associates degree and then go from there. My plan to go to  Missouri was fueled by a burning passion to get out and just go. For a long time I felt trapped in my own skin and I thought running away would solve everything. As time go closer and I realized what I was leaving behind ( not to mention the academic turmoil that was brewing) I started to panic. 

Through a lot of thinking and talking and more thinking and more talking and one weird episode of crying, I finally reached a point where I'm not panicking. 

I'm simply just here. 

I've also realized that's it's OK to just be here. At least for right now. Right here gives me the chance to do some more thinking, talking, and crying so that I can figure out what I really want from life so that I get the most out of it.

50 page views in NC

The stats say that I had over 50 page views last month.
I'm pretty sure those were people who just stumbled on this page by mistake because no content worth reading has been added in months.

School is almost over!!
I'm at a point now where I feel like i've wasted my first year of college.
I started off this semester this semester with four classes. I got kicked out of my online class because I didn't keep up with assignments. When I got to be about two weeks behind the teacher said I didn't have time to catch up and receive a good grade, so he instructed an instructor's drop. Then during my melt-down I got behind in my english class, not to mention got totally unfocused and off track. So I dropped that class.
Yes, I am well aware that I took the easy way out. But it was better than taking an F, right?
Nothing I can do about it now.
Ao, now I'm down to two classes. Western civ and Acting I.
Yes, my life is sooooooo hard.

Any Who..
Ohh yes, on the subject of school, I believe I made a decision about Missouri.
I think I've decided to stay in NC, but I don't think I'm ready to quite admit it to myself.
And again, yes, I know that makes no since.. but.. well.. you know..



I changed the background... like the birds?! :)

i went shopping with fleetwood mac

my day was really good. i left school and it kinda turned into one of those "i need a drink" days. 

the song "second hand news" by fleetwood mac is by far amazing :) i don't know 100% what they are talking about.. but i know it makes feel good inside and thats good enough for me. 

"won't you lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff" :)

i bought a sweater for 10 dollars. 

and another cardigan.. and some pretty bracelets. and everything was under 10. plus 30% off. oh yea i did good :) 

emotional uproar of prayers

i just killed my dad. 
sike! 
i'm trying my hand at writing out this idea in my head again and i decided the dad should be dead, you know tie in some emotional uproar. 
and no, that doesn't mean i subconsciously want my dad dead. cause i know you were so thinking that. 


this writing thing is actually pretty fun. (duh) when you can come up with words you like. and nothing is permanent. i knew that but, i'm learning it now. 


facebook is going to rot my brain and cause me to be one of the dumbest people in the world. 
i start school in two weeks, that can't happen! 
speaking of school, i'm excited and anticipating what it holds for me this year. its going to be way different.  


i'm sleepy. 
go to bed.
i will eventually. 


i got the week off officially for the mission trip! oh how i am rejoicing. i'm so happy :) 
i work tomorrow, and sunday then bam! no work til the next sunday. the only sucky part about that is i virtually loose a week of pay, but its going to be worth it:
"never underestimate my Jesus"  
at training for said trip we have been doing a lot of praying.. which has been amazing. it motivates me to want to prayer more on my own like that. instead of just quick prayers here and there. 

Breakfast and Reality TV

I've been sleeping with my fan on so that I don't die from a heat stroke.. because I have to sleep with covers on, thus conditions for a heat stroke. This morning I woke with a chill and decided I wanted some warm breakfast. I'm not sure if I like that sentence.. any who I ate some oatmeal and it was awesome! It was maple syrup and brown sugar oatmeal. When I was little I used to not like that particular kind of oatmeal, I love the fruit kinds. Peach used to be my favorite.. which is still pretty great.

It's taking me forever to write my nonsense this morning because Khloe and Lamar is on and I have been sucked into the craziness of it all! I desperately wish my life was a reality show.. don't ask me why.. I think it goes along with that thing I said before about me thinking that if I don't document everything in my life I will someday face some sort of doom and regret. ( are you catching on that I stress and worry over the stupidest things?!)

Speaking of stress and worry.. I am going to graduate!! I passed my math exam with a freaking 81! I almost hugged my teacher (there was slight curve) but I refrained.. Cause that could have been.. really weird.

I'll be so glad to graduate. I am so jealous of all my friends who are leaving and embarking on greater things, but I'm very proud of them :) It will be really weird not seeing everybody everyday.. and you know there are some people that I won't ever see again. ( for some people that's a good thing!) But I'm still hanging around for a year so there won't be a clean break for a while.

the thing

I actually got to exempt a couple of exams this semester. Only because they were online classes any other time I'd have to take them  because you know, I never went to school. OK I went... I just missed a lot. I will admit I was an avid skipper. Next semester, in (community) college!,my schedule is Monday, Wednesday, Friday, so I only have three days of school. and my earliest class is at 10. So I have some wiggle room in the mornings. Granted it takes like 45 mins to get there.. but that OK.

any who.. this weekend is that bacca... something or other..It's supposed to be like a church service for seniors. err at least that's what I have been told. I don't know how to say it so I just call it the thing. I was asked to speak at the thing.. I think only because I pointed out that the guy who was asked to speak isn't a senior.. so I opened my big mouth and got into something I not quite sure I'm ready for. I've done this before, but it was slightly different. it was a small church full of strangers. oh well.. I'm looking at this as one of those divine appointments.. maybe I will secretly talk somebody off the ledge. (yea.. maybe not.) I have a post on here from a long time ago that I will base my speech off of. The guy told me to share how my faith has helped me get through school. what he doesn't know is that I almost abandoned my faith, constructed a huge potty mouth, didn't give a rats about school.. but Ahha.. that is where the story is. which is kinda going to be my point. the change was on the inside. It seems messy, it is ( I'm a girl, i have a spaghetti brain) it will work out.. if not I'll just run off the stag in a panic. 

actually I wouldn't do that. 

i will however leave you mid thought because I have to go take a shower.

"It's Friday, Friday"

"I keep on falling in and out of love"
This is not true. But this freaking song.. well song part... has been stuck in my head!
Also still stuck in my head is E.T. The Katy Perry song. Go listen to it and think of me dancing around my room like an idiot to this song.. its a great image I assure you ;)  ( not to mention I was in my underwear while dancing.. well lets just not mention that. )

I had some really great stuff I was going to talk about but then my computer starting acting gay so I gave up and went to my grandmaw's. Who by the way is the best grandmaw in the world. You think your granny rocks? Well sorry. Mine is better! Ka-Hoots to granny Greene! :D

Alas! I do remember one thing.. I had a dream last night about this guy... right now we will not give him a secert name or any name at all because this, like everybody else, may not go anywhere. Any who.. in said dream we were fighting. Like screaming and arguing. ( kinda like my parents relationship) I don't remember what we were going on about but I do remember that I wanted to stop, in the dream I knew it was stupid to fight with him. It was so weird. And I was so wigged out about having this bad dream with him that I woke up with a headache and gave myself anxiety over it. In reality I play fight with him, much like I do with everybody but, I would never really want to fight with this person. I hate fighting esp between a couple. It's so annoying and sad. And quiet frankly makes me want to cry.
If I ever get into a relationship with some sort of seriousness I promise you this dear reader, I will try my hardest to "be the best person I can be" and not cause arguments. OK I don't like where this is going..
On another note...
Umm...
Well...
I have been neglecting my journal... Shame on me. I have been neglecting a lot of stuff. I need to get my priorities straight!
Stop obsessing over boys.. which has become a nasty habit of mine!
Figure out who the hell is coming to graduation! ( which means communicating with my freaking family)
Get things lined up at Sandhills ( yes I'm going to community college. bummer I know.)
Graduate!
Find a Job!
In this order!

(insert title here)

As you can tell I haven't been keeping up with the thirty day challenge this week.. i haven't been able to get on at school (which is a hindrance!) and other things have come up this week to keep me away from my home computer.
This is the last day of school before Spring Break! woot woot. Me and my family are going to the beach this year for Easter. Which I am so excited for. Instead of going to church we are going to a sunrise service on the beach! How awesome is that? I will tell you... pretty awesome.
My theatre class has finally started going to the theater in the afternoons, so after this class I get to shimmy on over there. Its really fun, makes me feel so professional.
.. I have other things to rant about, and I will. But for now I must bid thee farewell.

Ketchup Art

My name in lights! Well my name in ketchup. This has been my recent hobby at lunch. On the off chance I have extra ketchup, I have started writing my name or drawing stars maybe throw in some hearts.Yes, I know its wonderful. I even have a picture of my initials in mustard. I say off chance because my school has this stupid rules ( as we have many stupid rules) that you can only get 4 packs of ketchup. That's just ridiculous to limit us on our tomato-y needs!
Any who.. I'd rather not rant about school. I might be here for hours and you, dear reader, probably won't stick around that long. I am so ready to graduate high school. It will be another life experience tucked under my belt and make me feel a little more accomplished in the likes of society. And I'll be glad to just get out of the public school system... this is turning into a rant. I will stop now.
Stop!
Yet again I'm sitting in class, however, not so unproductive. I got work done today. Yay!
I can't really find a point to this post... I just wanted to show you my awesome ketchup art!

Blogging instead of Schooling

i don't know if I've talked about this on here or not but recently I've been trying to write this story. and I had big plans for it... oh yea i did post about this.
anyway.. i got started and now... i don't really like where its going. i took it in a direction that quite frankly sucks to me. now I'm totally discouraged. i want to start a new project but i feel bad just leaving this one in the dirt. maybe  i can just come up with some really cheesy ending and leave it be. if I'm straight forward with what i want to say i like it much better however, i don't know if it has a good flow like that. i broke the story in half and there likes two different directions its going in. the first second part will be easier for me to put an ending too. when i say easier i mean shorter. i think that's what I'll do. wrap it up in some ending and start fresh. i know i have to work on building characters. i make them all like me. ... which as my friend told me, is not good to have a story with all Emily's. (notice i say story and not book. it really irrks me when stupid teenagers write these emo love stories and think they will be on the NYT best sellers next week. just saying..) 

I'll just worry about that later.. i need a laptop. so i can take it places and write. trying to write at school and home totally sucks up all my creative juices. and my energy. esp in this computer class.  i get zip done. (i.e: blogging instead of doing school work)

Tonight is the Nicholas Sparks lecture. I'm so excited! I haven't read any of his books in a while but I'm still excited to hear what he's going to talk about. I;m not sure if its about him or writing, hopefully it will be a little of both. Will I look like a suck up if I take a notebook and write stuff down? pssh. Who cares? I've never met an author.. er one that I've actually read. This is a first. If he does a met and greet I plan to tell him that his books gives me anxiety! I get all into them and somebody always freaking dies! despite the death they are painfully good. (i am sceretly a sap) Some of my favorites are: True Believer, A Bend in the Road, and Message in a Bottle. Those are the ones I've read. Out of the movies, obviously, The Notebook and A Walk to Remember are great. I encourage you to read them. Curl up with a blanket and get some freaking tissues!

"I told you so"... psshh, no you didn't

"The joys of high school.." 

My friend is sitting beside me and she has to do a person statement for a scholarship and that was how she was going to start off the statement. That's such bull crap and we all know it's true. The only joys of high school is graduating... if you even get that far. 

I can't think of anything to say... I always say that.. which then starts the ball rolling on something I  can talk about. 

If you are interested in knowing something has changed in me. I don't think I anymore desire to attend Evangel. Shocking, and I sorta feel ashamed. I don't really know why. I think it may be because I made all that fuss and was worked up about it and got myself really excited and now I don't feel any of those things. I didn't really fall in love with it when I was out there so, I no longer see the point in moving that far away until I am in love with location. Some people may say not to go with that way of thinking but.. I'm not most people am I? On the down side of that I'm contemplating going to community college, something I said I would never, ever do! That part depresses me. I hate going back on my word.  esp to myself. However Sandhills, the community college, has a library science degree program and I could minor in drama or creative writing. So that's a plus because Evangel , I don't think, doesn't have a library science program. and logically thinking (which I also hate doing) I will probably save money and can get a good computer and land a job. Those things are great. Wonderful. Everything my parents said... this is where we have a problem. I rebelled for years saying, "I'm not doing that" even up until like two weeks ago! I would rather lose a limb than give them the chance to say "I told you so." I guess that's karma's way of being a bitch to me.

My name's Emily and I'm annoyed

I recently figured out how to access my blog at school. It really wasn't that hard... all I have to do is sign in under the instructor user name. Why I didn't think of that until last week I don't know. I have been on a mission to be more involved on blogger. (I know, I need a life. But I like this life.. blogs, books, music.. etc. the semi-seclusion keeps me sane. Sane? Me? Ha!) I have been reading through blogs all morning.. literally. I have online classes back to back for two class periods and this is all I have done today. I only found a few that I really like. A lot of them I found were stay at home moms posting every cutesy things there kids do. Which is great if you are into that sorta thing.. more power to ya! Me well obviously I'm not into that. It also struck another thought to me.. is it safe to exploiting your babies/small offspring on the Internet?  Of course this is a personal choice that the parents have however, I think posting pictures of them everyday and there birthday and where you live and all kinds of stuff like that is borderline questionable. Now that I think about it, its kinda the same thing I'm doing with myself. I have no problem exploiting myself on the Internet for everybody and there grandma (or date-able brother) to see. Well now I have cornered myself into a wall in my own argument. How is it that I always do that? Does that make me a diverse thinker? I'd like to think that... of course I'm always open to making myself seem like the best thing since sliced bread. 

I'm getting off topic. If there even is a topic.

I have fifteen minutes until the bell rings and I get to go to theater class.  I generally love that class. Generally. But! (don't you love how there is always a but?) As I have been in a very annoyed state lately the class is starting to rub me the wrong way. There are loud, overly dramatic people who really, really don't know how to be quiet or just shut up. Yes I know its drama class and that's expected. Sometimes its just a bit much ya know. Any who... we are putting on two Shakespeare plays.. well more like Shakespeare parody's if you will. Mmmbeth and The Tempest.  I got cast in The Tempest as Miranda, which I'm pretty excited about. My only complaint is that my love interest is shorter than me. That really shouldn't be a big deal but, I just have an issue with shorter guys. It is so weird to me! I was talking to my mom about it and we decided it would just  add to the comedic effect. That helps a little.

I used to do this thing where I had a word of the day. I'd post it on facebook  and I'd text it out to all my friends. It was really fun and then I just stopped doing it. I'm think of starting another blog for that. What do you think? Yay or Nay? It would help with strengthening my vocabulary...

brittany spears and panic at the disco on my ipod = eargasim :)

wow so its been a little while since i've posted anything.. i have to admit i have been on here and started stuff but they never got finished.

this week we returned back to school after a much needed break. but two days back in and i need another break. which is good cause after exams i get another one :) thank god.
i dont feel like myself lately. ...well i guess i dont know what im feeling cause feeling "like myself" is something i dont recognize either.. bummer? i guess.. maybe...maybe not.
im just trying to figure out what i want from myself, from life, and the people in it.
so far i have no idea. what i want. i just need to get out. get away from this place, these people. together they are an evil force destroying my life one day at a time.

but dispite these evil forces at work.. my music tastes have taken a complete 180.
right now im listening to brittayn spears and in my car the radio is set to a country station!
what? why?
i dont know.. i just like it. its what im feeling :)
and as we all know i act on impulsive feeling... sometimes thats a good thing, other times not so much.





taking one for the team
not my style.
her style is taking one for the whole world.
heartbreak and strikeout
are all thats in the line up.
homerun for the enemy
and the hoe got all the way to second
base.
your emotions whirl up and down
tastey like a hotdog
but sour like a lemon icee.
summer came and gone
winter is here
froze my heart and your brain
close the gates.
we'll be back next season.