Where Am I?

Holy Crap, it's been a year since I graduated High School! 

(well technically there's like 4 more days to be considered a full year.. but who's counting?) 

I still have a bunch of high school friends on my FB, so I see a lot of the major news. Esp the buzz about Graduation. 

That was a good day. 

Actually, probably the best thing about high school was leaving it. The whole Graduation season is worthy of celebration, it's like Christmas for smart people.. and dumb people, as long as they passed everything! 

It makes me think... It's been a year and where am I? 

I sometimes hate asking myself this question. But sometimes I find positive things and it makes it worthwhile. 

I'm not on the fast track to Missouri, like I'd thought I'd be. Come to think of it I'm not on the fast track to anywhere. And for right now I'm making myself be ok with that. Until I figure out where I am going, it's ok to go slow.

In the past year I have learned some valuable life lessons:

Slacking gets you no where! 

Skipping class in bad! ..well skipping a lot of classes is bad... sometimes it's ok... 

Starting off on the wrong foot is bad! 

Being honest with yourself and others is good! 

Being logical and realistic is good! 

Taking risks is scary and good and an opportunity to lean! ( and get a cute boyfriend :)

Beach noodles

My bones feel like noodles. Which is a relaxing feeling, a weightless feeling if you will.
Have I ever told you how much I love being at the beach, doing nothing but laying in the sun, shopping, eating, having all the time in the world. If I haven't.. I apologize. It's my favorite thing in the world to do. One week isn't enough. Graduating was great, such a liberating feeling. But now when I think about my life starting its exciting bit scary.. I want to pause time and stay on the beach forever. Most people can't take the sand.. its called a chair moron. Life here in cherry grove, in this house of 6 friends, is great. We have been doing all kinds of stuff. All of which I will go into later..
We are fixing to go stuff out faces at a seafood buffet ;)
( the photo is of our amazing little house)

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Graduation

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me+facebook post = tears

ok so.. as i have already mentioned a lot.. Graduation is today. and out of the numerous cards and gifts and congratulations i have not been hit emotionally at all. even the thought of not seeing some of my friends have not tugged at my heartstrings.. ( geez i sound like the grinch) 

well my sister posted this long post on my facebook wall and i read it and half-way through i was like a fountain. it was so sweet and touching. and coming from her it means the world to me :) i love her so much. i really don't like crying, but then again who does? and i don't have water proof mascara.. so i'd rather not cry tonight.. but i feel as if it may happen. curse these girl emotions. 

but enough on this! i just wanted to inform you that yes, i have feelings and i'm super duper excited about tonight!

for now i have to go take a shower.. straighten my hair and try to make a dent in packing for beach grad!! :D
2011 !!

"you won't believe what i heard.."

Graduation is officially my favorite holiday season. not only are people very generous to you, but its a whole celebration of the end of high school hell! the open is road is right here at my feet. yes, its a bit scary but, overall its what i've wanted for as long as i can remember.  this whole week i've been so happy (its kinda scary) being with my friends and celebrating the end and beginning of things has been great.

not to mention all this free time i've had not having to go to school. i got a few major things accomplished : 

deep cleaned my room! 

deep deep clean my car!!

and cleaned the bathroom up! 

and spent a lot of time with my friends. i went swimming a few times, so i have a pretty good tan started. 

plus today i got a hair trim and my layers shaped up. thank God she did exactly what i asked her. she didn't take any length off and didn't jack the front of my head up. its beautiful. now i just have to go wash it and re straighten it. 

the big day is tomorrow.. i'm so excited! i keep saying i won't cry but i almost cried at my cousin graduation in 10th grade.. no chance i will escape tearless. oh well. i can say they will be tears of pride. i feel accomplished and proud to have made it.. because honestly there were times when i thought i wouldn't. ( math exam anybody?)

on top of all that.. there has been this underlying drama volcano brewing up in the mix of my friends.. none of it is directly related to me but, i have a gut feeling that shit is going to hit the fan. of course its all boy girl drama.. well girl drama too, but when is that never there? 

and can i just say this.. you know how when myspace was really popular or something like that and you had the info box.. in your info box you put all kinda B S in there to make yourself look awesome and almost everybody had "i hate drama" or something of that nature? remember that? figured you would. 

well thats a lie. we both know it. 

somebody comes to you and says " you won't believe what i heard.. " that's the opening line for a drama fest and you know! you will want to hear what that person is going to say. not saying i'm blameless.. i might as well fess up..there are plenty of times that i just feed on other people's drama. or my own for that matter. esp girls. we lie cause we don't wanna seem like petty bitches, but we all do. every last one.

bad cheese and parties!

ever get the feeling that one of your best friends is ... how do we say.. two faced.

i have that feeling now.. its kinda like i ate some bad cheese, plus a feeling of rage. hoes before bros dude! i mean where is the loyalty?? i have had this feeling before from her before but lately its been worse. i mean if you want to put a boy before me go ahead.. but all i'm asking is that you inform me first. as we all know i have boy issues anyway so, i always put my ladies first and i expect the same from you. apparently i expect too much. like i said i have had this feeling before from said friend and quiet frankly i'm getting tired of it. this is dampering my mood...

if you watched my super long bathroom video ( sorry for the stupid angels! ) you know that two of my friends had a grad party tonight.. and it was awesome! i danced hard, laughed hard, even sang hard.. there were a few songs where everybody was singing along, i swear we could've been the glee cast :)

the thing is tomorrow.. and i still have no idea what to say.. i think i have my opening but as far as the rest its still quiet scrambled.a bunch of my friends are going to be there.. i'm not sure how many people are going to be there but the number seems bigger than what i was picturing. i know my story.. i just don't know how to explain in in not complicated terms ( everything has to be complicated with me! )

ugghh. oh well. its late and i'm not even sure why i'm here and not working on this speech thingie.. oh yes i do.. i wanted to tell you have i was feeling sick because i think one of my friends is being two faced.. still not sure thats the right word.

anyway now that i have informed you i will go work on my thingie for the thing

Warning: depressed rant!

today i question my self worth.. not like "to be or not to be" .. what i mean is that all this petty drama taking place in my life, when does it end? will the madness ever stop? when does it cross the line at petty into down right dangerous. 

by petty drama i mean when will my mother get over the fact that her and my dad are no longer together? why can't she work out her issues and move on? why does she have to bring me down with her? so many more question i could ask but for these i have no answers. I'm all cried out. i can only wear a tired expression. simply because i am tired. I'm tired of all the frustration. .  this may not seem petty but to me, in this situation, you'd think if you weren't happy and you got the chance to start over you would seize the opportunity and create a whole new world for yourself, instead of bringing all your dirty garbage into a new house. (literally!) 

Where is this coming from, you ask? Maybe your not ever asking that. Don't you just love how I assume that you care about my stupid problems? Ha. Assume nothing! I should know that by now.. any who.. if you do care I'll tell you where this is all coming from. A condensed version of course. 

I'm graduating in June. Thank you Lord. 

I have eight tickets. 

I have more than eight people that want to sit in the heat and watch me snatch my diploma away from the principle. 

The biggest problem... my dad wants to bring his girlfriend. 

Doesn't bother me.. she is nice.

Bothers my mother.. she is being a bitch.

My mother came in the door screaming at me about it yesterday.

I left and ran to my dads ( I wanted to go to granny's but she wasn't home.. I just had to get out)

There of course is more to this story but you can fill in the blanks.. Its tiring to relive it all again. But the worst part is yet to come because when I got home last night she didn't say anything to me. Same this morning. Which I know what will probably happen.. but that won't be enough. Not this time.