procrastinator's guide to productivity #1

"when i'm spinning, your love is like a rock" 
this specific part of  this song is on repeat in my head right now. 
it's simple truth is what i need right now. just simplicity. i feel like i have made a mess of life. 
my direction is.. foggy, if you will.  i'm sure we all feel like that at times, but i've noticed that this happens to me a lot more frequently than it should. so..
i am taking action! i am taking back my life. i will not let depression eat me alive! 
i will write my English paper
i will clean my room
i will drink more water
i will donate toys for Christmas
i will read more
i will pray more
i will do more


this list is just a few of the things i thought would jump start my journey of self improvement. i have convinced myself that if i get off my butt and do something, other than worrying about my problems, that i will feel better and make my life a little bit more productive. 
don't we all need a little more productivity in our lives? 
what are you going to do to make your life more productive? 

for all us victims to social networking

Lifetime movie

So I'm just chilling in bed watching this lifetime movie... I'm not even sure what the name is. It's a web of lies, that what it should be called.. web of lies!! With dramatic music playing and a black backdrop.
This dude meets a pretty lady, charms the pants off of her and then disappears. He does this several times, then asks her to marry him. So she says yes, he takes off again.. and bam! He's married to another pretty lady and he has kids!! Omg! So he fakes his death and runs back to lady with charmed off pants! And now he's robbing people left and right to get money, had another kid, and pretty lady #2 is onto him!
It's so intense... I hope I don't fall asleep :)

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fa la la la la la alalllalalalala

i hate holidays.
for as long as i can remember i have disliked them. well.. i kinda like Christmas because we all know Christmas is about presents, and i am a sucka for a present. "oh you didn't have to get me anything" is probably the biggest lie i tell! in my head i'm thinking, "yes, another present!!" 
Thanksgiving has always been an issue. family drama as usual. but now it's its even worse because my parents have split and we literally have to choose. naturally we are doing going to both, just like we did Christmas last year. last years' Turkey Day was easy.. we were on cruise with my mom. in theory i'd do that again. but no.. thats not an option this year.
i hate the end of the year. it starts getting really expensive and stressful. however, the good thing is that you can eat your feelings!! muhaha. which is not advisable, but realistic. 
you hate that you can't please both sides of the family adequately, but grandmaw's blueberry pizza pleases you stomach so much that eventually you stop caring. 
and Christmas is even better, because they subconsciously try to out do each other. exhibit A: last year my sister and i got ipods from pops, we went on a cruise ( that was more of a family gift though) wii games, gift cards, money.. we racked up on materialistic love! 




and i know what some of you are thinking; Emily, holidays are about the birth of Christ and Friends and Family and cheer and giving to others and blah blah blah.. yes that's all true, but let's face it for the most part that stuff gets put on the back burner. except the birth of Christ.. i think people who truly appreciate that still show it. 
any who.. 


the holidays are close to smothering us.. What's your least favorite part of the holidays? 

i hope its a puppy!! 

i am human. that's no excuse.

Dear Reader, 
went to youth convention.. experienced the Jesus Bubble. it was wonderful. 
came back.. and my Jesus high plummeted. 
story of my life. 


i can't stop thinking about myself, and how weak i really am. when i say weak, i mean i have such a hard problem denying the sin that complicated my life. which we all do, if it wasn't a problem we'd be perfect. 
and let's face it.. none of us are perfect. 


so we have this walk with Christ.. and i picture this walk as a beautiful path. lush green leaves, a crisp breeze, flowers, and the sunlight on just me and God. (man, that sounds great doesn't it!) 
any who.. so on this walk, we sin and mess up.. which is dark, cold and the lush forest turns into a satanic graveyard. i have a twisted sense of humor, so i kinda like graveyards. however, when satan's invited to the party.. i don't like to attend. 
so metaphorically speaking, i'm tip toeing to the graveyard. the whole time, i'm screaming at myself "You Idiot! Turn Back Now!" despite my own wisdom, i keep going and i'm almost there. i'm afraid that if i get to the graveyard i'm going to find myself in the grave. 
so many choices.. and i know what's right. i know what's wrong. 
i am human. and that's no excuse. 


Sincerely, walking dead. 


P.S: what makes you weak?
P.P.S: somebody please say CANDY.. it'll make my day! :) 

Jesus Bubble

having a headache does not make it easy to work on that English paper that needs writing. 

tim and i set out to do that, however, i forgot i left up my blog page.. and my anti Christmas rant was still up. i decided not to post that because it was getting out of hand and semi sacrilegious. 

(Christmas is about presents!!! in a roundabout way) 

any who.. 

This weekend is Youth Convention 2011!!! I'm super excited. Youth Con is super amazing, but another super amazing thing is this year I'm a leader! muhahah. I basically get to chaperone a room of teenage girls. (pray for me!) But still, I think its a pretty big deal. I know its going to be special because we have a bunch of peeps that have never been, and if they don't have a great time, then it will confirm my thoughts that they are the devil ;) 

It's intense. God always shows up. I hope kids connect with God. I don't want it to just be an emotional experience. That's gonna happen.. but more than that I want them to get it. That's the only way I know how to describe it. I've been concerned about this for awhile now because sadly, some things I experienced at youth con were emotional experiences. On the flip side there were times when I really did connect.  It's amazing. 

Don't you wish you could stay inside the Jesus Bubble all the time? When I say Jesus Bubble, I mean, that moment(s) when you are truly connected and for a brief time the world stops and you are at peace and everything is ok. You are with the creator and his love has captured you completely. I love the Jesus Bubble. 

That's what happens at Youth Con!! and that's why I'm going to Evangel and that's why I want to work with youth and that's what saved me from myself and that's hope, and love, it's everything! 

*steps down from pulpit* 

What's your Jesus Bubble like? 

shortest post ever

i want to blog.. i'm trying. 

everything i want to say isn't coming out... 

don't you hate those days?? 

i've been wasting time on the webcam.. always a good distraction