friday night fail

Friday nights in high school are about parties and drinking and hot hook ups! not sitting at home eating chicken. which is what i am pathetically doing this Friday night. i love my family. i really do. but damn it! i hate sitting with them every weekend. i should be out living it up, drinking it down.. according to TV shows that is. I'm so ready to grow up i don't care what i miss out on in my "precious youth" this sucks. just sitting here. i feel like I'm wasting away. do i want to go out and party?? hell yes i do. am i doing that.. no! i can feel a rebellious devil rising up in me and i cant wait to let her go! one day. mark my words. one day i will. beach grad in in like 3 months. needless to say i plan on partying my socks off. even if i do it alone. :)

30 Day Challenge : day 1

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

OK thirty day challenge is ago! I just put a picture of myself in a post the other day.. so I think I will use a different one.. (but from the same photo shoot)



       

I can't explain this...
other than the fact that I thought this face was just awesome.  







1. Babies scare me.

2. I love pineapples. They are my favorite fruit.

3. I am addicted to q-tips.

4. I love my hair... most days.

5. I am an attention hog.

6. I tend to fall in love with married men. (i.e John Cooper & Austin Winkler)

7. I love music.

8. Give the ugliest guy in the world a guitar and I will think he's hot :)

9. I am scared/hate cats.

10. I am self centered and I know it! 











30 Day Challenge

So on facebook the 30 day challenge is everywhere! It's the new "it thing" on facebook right now. Well of course I want to do it... 30 days to reflect on myself. duh! However.. I think I'll do it on here too... if I even post it on facebook.
Here are the rules:
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts


Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day


Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item


Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh


Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most


Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most crazy things with


Day 11 - A picture of something you hate


Day 12 - A picture of something you love


Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist


Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without


Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die


Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you


Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently


Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity


Day 19 - A picture and a letter


Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel


Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget


Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at


Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book


Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change


Day 25 - A picture of your day


Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you


Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member


Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of


Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile


Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

I'll start tomorrow :)

"I told you so"... psshh, no you didn't

"The joys of high school.." 

My friend is sitting beside me and she has to do a person statement for a scholarship and that was how she was going to start off the statement. That's such bull crap and we all know it's true. The only joys of high school is graduating... if you even get that far. 

I can't think of anything to say... I always say that.. which then starts the ball rolling on something I  can talk about. 

If you are interested in knowing something has changed in me. I don't think I anymore desire to attend Evangel. Shocking, and I sorta feel ashamed. I don't really know why. I think it may be because I made all that fuss and was worked up about it and got myself really excited and now I don't feel any of those things. I didn't really fall in love with it when I was out there so, I no longer see the point in moving that far away until I am in love with location. Some people may say not to go with that way of thinking but.. I'm not most people am I? On the down side of that I'm contemplating going to community college, something I said I would never, ever do! That part depresses me. I hate going back on my word.  esp to myself. However Sandhills, the community college, has a library science degree program and I could minor in drama or creative writing. So that's a plus because Evangel , I don't think, doesn't have a library science program. and logically thinking (which I also hate doing) I will probably save money and can get a good computer and land a job. Those things are great. Wonderful. Everything my parents said... this is where we have a problem. I rebelled for years saying, "I'm not doing that" even up until like two weeks ago! I would rather lose a limb than give them the chance to say "I told you so." I guess that's karma's way of being a bitch to me.

My name's Emily and I'm annoyed

I recently figured out how to access my blog at school. It really wasn't that hard... all I have to do is sign in under the instructor user name. Why I didn't think of that until last week I don't know. I have been on a mission to be more involved on blogger. (I know, I need a life. But I like this life.. blogs, books, music.. etc. the semi-seclusion keeps me sane. Sane? Me? Ha!) I have been reading through blogs all morning.. literally. I have online classes back to back for two class periods and this is all I have done today. I only found a few that I really like. A lot of them I found were stay at home moms posting every cutesy things there kids do. Which is great if you are into that sorta thing.. more power to ya! Me well obviously I'm not into that. It also struck another thought to me.. is it safe to exploiting your babies/small offspring on the Internet?  Of course this is a personal choice that the parents have however, I think posting pictures of them everyday and there birthday and where you live and all kinds of stuff like that is borderline questionable. Now that I think about it, its kinda the same thing I'm doing with myself. I have no problem exploiting myself on the Internet for everybody and there grandma (or date-able brother) to see. Well now I have cornered myself into a wall in my own argument. How is it that I always do that? Does that make me a diverse thinker? I'd like to think that... of course I'm always open to making myself seem like the best thing since sliced bread. 

I'm getting off topic. If there even is a topic.

I have fifteen minutes until the bell rings and I get to go to theater class.  I generally love that class. Generally. But! (don't you love how there is always a but?) As I have been in a very annoyed state lately the class is starting to rub me the wrong way. There are loud, overly dramatic people who really, really don't know how to be quiet or just shut up. Yes I know its drama class and that's expected. Sometimes its just a bit much ya know. Any who... we are putting on two Shakespeare plays.. well more like Shakespeare parody's if you will. Mmmbeth and The Tempest.  I got cast in The Tempest as Miranda, which I'm pretty excited about. My only complaint is that my love interest is shorter than me. That really shouldn't be a big deal but, I just have an issue with shorter guys. It is so weird to me! I was talking to my mom about it and we decided it would just  add to the comedic effect. That helps a little.

I used to do this thing where I had a word of the day. I'd post it on facebook  and I'd text it out to all my friends. It was really fun and then I just stopped doing it. I'm think of starting another blog for that. What do you think? Yay or Nay? It would help with strengthening my vocabulary...

Hair, Drama, Pettiness

Some days I have really bad days. Like everybody else. But then there are other day when I have really good days. And then I have these random days out of the blue where my hair just decides its going to be awesome. Friday happened to be one of those days. See that hottie other there? Yep that's me. Check out that bang action. It was so awesome I had no choice but to take a million pictures of myself on my camera phone. I uploaded a few more on facebook. ( go look at them and lust over the hair! and comment! ) My hair is easily my favorite feature. It was super long when I was a kid. And then in the eighth grade I decided to copycat my cousin and cut it really short. One of the worst ideas of my life. Seriously. Easily one the top five worst mistakes. But ALAS! After about 4 years its finally getting some good length back on it. I love it :)

Now that I have ranted about my hair (which you are now jealous of) let me pour out of my soul the drama that has taken place over the last few day(s). As you know.. I'm pretty sure  you know... my parents are going through a "civil" divorce. ha! (please hint the sarcasm) Actually its pretty gross but, I digress. My dad has a girlfriend/mistress/ lady thing. And my mother hates it for various reasons. But anyways he is basically living with her and there has been some debate about me and my little sister maybe going to live with him.. which my mother also hates. I have decided I'm not going to live with him. Ever. However my little sister is still entertaining the idea. Sometimes she goes to stay with him and that basically throws an atomic bomb in my mothers face. Well Saturday my sister and mother went to the store and everything was OK. I was in the shower when they got back and all I heard was screaming. They came in the door auguring and I could hear my sister screaming and crying. (my little sister has this thing where if she doesn't get her way she freaks the hell out and ruins everybodys day.) Apparently she didn't get her way and they were fighting over the phone because she had already called my dad fussing about my mom. Mother took the phone away.. which made it worse. Somehow she got a phone and called him. After she got off the phone she announced she was going to stay with him that night and then she was going to live with him. My poor mom gets all out of whack when this crap happens. She thinks its a direct attack on her and from my little sister's POV it may be but, I don't think it is. And I could be wrong. ( I hate saying that) That episode was wonderful. I personally think that if she does leave it can only make things better. That sounds mean but it would take away from the fussing and fighting. I love my little sister I do but.. dang. You put her attitude in a room with my mom and my dad on top of it... BOOM! I could go on and on but I'm beginning to bore myself.      

I also have another problem. My friends are beginning to get on my nerves. I have a couple of friends that I never saw everyday and now I get to see them a lot. Like just about everyday. I love them to death but there are some things they really don't get about me. One friend trys to finish my sentences a lot and never gets it right. It so annoying! This other friend is wonderful but she talks a lot. And she always steals my thunder! well not always.. but in cases like this: we both like the same boy but she doesn't know that yet. before I could muster up the nerve to tell her I sorta kinda like him (which I shouldn't really like him but that's a different post!)  she tells me she likes him. and that's not even fair because I don't want her to think I stole the idea and she already has a freaking boyfriend! It may seem like I take them for granted and I try not to think these thoughts but sometimes I honestly cant help it. ( this paragraph may come across as petty and immature.. but, I was born this way! )                                            

Trust No One

"i like her as a friend, but not like that."

" oh shit."

You may or may not be wondering how those two quotes are related. If you are, I can tell you that what you are thinking is wrong. Those two phrases single handily ruined my life.. err my love life anyways. ( you know the non existent one) As I talk about this I feel the depressing anxiety rising up in my chest.

The first one was from a boy who was my first and biggest crush ever. besides John Cooper but that really will never happen because he is married.. anyways! I liked him so much I was sure he liked me and one day I made the mistake of telling one of my girl friends. (BAD MOVE) She was in band with him and somehow I came up in conversation so, she decided to tell him I liked him. He answered her with that. I was so pissed at her I couldn't see straight. This happened is 8th grade by the way. Not only were my insecurities of liking a boy on the table, now my doubts were confirmed and I knew I had no chance with him. ( Being fat and in middle school as a girl is hard enough, throw a boy in there and it makes everything worse.) So needless to say nothing ever came from that. I had heard that phrase before countless times but when its directed at you its like a boulder falling on you. This boy and I are not friends and when I see him I still freak out.

The second phrase ( I really don't think this is safe but it might as well be told) came from my friend. Literally, he was like my best friend. I always liked him a little and our families always picked on us about being a couple. Well in ninth grade my friend Rachel convinced me to tell him how I felt. I finally had texting so I sent the text and it wasn't just a simple text saying "i lik u" it was some freaking rant about love! I'm so ashamed of myself. So I sent the text and he replied with that. I cried and that was the beginning to the rocky-ist friendship on the face of this earth. And here's the best part I found out later that he was/is gay. Yep. Just keeps getting better. It hurt my feelings so bad. "Hurt" I use loosely cause it really scared me for life.

That's why I have issues with boys and that's why I will never admit to anybody when I like somebody. I get so weird about it. It drives me nuts. The fear and anxiety I get thinking about hearing any of those words again just makes me want to die. Add that on top of all the other issues I have and you get a nut job!
I had more things I was going to say but now the thoughts escape me. Its early in the day.. I'm sure I'll be back later to write something else.