Something to say

I have nothing to say.
That's a lie.
I always have something to say. Even if its not anything of importance. Today I feel like I have nothing to say. I don't feel good and I'm tired due to lack of sleep. The past few days I've been congested. I wake up with headaches and my face is puffy. As if I need more weight on my face. I digress..
Last night I had a dream, well it was more of a nightmare. I was riding in the car with my mom, dad, and little sister. I don't know what we were doing or where we were going. The only thing I really remember is that my dads girlfriend was texting.him and my mom kept trying to grab the phone. My sister got ahold of the phone and I remember seeing stupid hearts in the texts messages. That was enough to make me want to barf. It was so weird. I woke up in the middle of the night trying to figure out why the hell we were all in a car together. Like I said before... nightmare.

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"Sister Wives"

Sister Wives
That's the name of this show I was watching last night before I fell into a fitful nights sleep. I've watched it before back when the guy was marrying his fourth wife and I could never wrap my head around that kind of logic so I never went back to it. Until last night when I happen to stumble across it. Its basically a reality show of this polygamous family consisting of one husband, four wives, and like a million kids. My first reaction was something to the affect of " oh my gosh, those people are retarded." I wouldn't really say they are retarded now after getting a look into their (twisted) world. Its no different than any other religion.. But lets not go there. It can get really messy, really fast.
My second and most deep and prolonged thought from this show goes directly to the women. Now I am a firm believer that men are pigs and I also tend to be anti-relationship. (I'm working on that though!) However, it totally baffles me as to how these women can possibly want that? Why would you choose to share a man. That seems proposperous! I will own up to not ever having a really long and serious relationship, but that was by choice. But when I do like a guy, I get jealous really quick. Just like every other girl. She may not have the balls to own up to it, but she knows jealously is a mean devil and its easy to fall into its trap. I don't get why you would want that. When you think of marriage, just two people, you ( I ) tend to think of them, idealistically, as being totally head over heels for each other. In a perfect world they would be so consumed with each other with love and passion. Why would you want to bring somebody else, much less 3 others, into the picture??
I'm selfish, as we go over frequently, so I guess that's why I would never want any other girl stealing my thunder.
How about you? Would you ever want that? One husband and have to share him with three other gals.
I think not.

"I was Born THIS Way" ?

"I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way." Humm.. That is a pretty ballsy statement. Of course it does come from mother monster so its expected. I have been mulling this over in my head the past couple of days, trying to figure out if I really was born this way. And by that I mean was I really born a crazy, neurotic, self-absorbed over thinker? (feel free to add any other adjectives.) Or have I made myself that way? I question everything. And I mean EVERYTHING!
The sky is blue.
You sure about that?
SEE?!
I talk to myself, and then answer myself. If I don't have an answer I keep talking until I come up with one. I am getting to a point here, or at least pointing out a pattern. Do you see it yet? Everything in my own little world of mine is all about me. Me, Me, Me! I know this is bad. It's one quality I don't really like about myself.
This morning in church I was praying and forced myself to prayer about things outside of "Emilyland" and I have to admit it felt good. I was focused on something besides my own crap. What a breath of freash air.

To state the obvious, tomorrow is monday. my least favorite day. However, I do wanna see my friends and kinda miss school. ( omg! I know, weird)
Speaking of school, ha! you knew I was going there.
Seeing Evangel was pretty cool. It was bleek and cold that day which didn't help the desolent asphoshere at the school. Spring Break = No Students.
However, dispite my best efforts it seems I will be sticking around NC a little longer than planed. But it will be for the better. Hopefully I will land a job, get a nice computer (macbook pro! pray with me on that) and get the college experience in my mouth before I go trucking across the country.
FYI: I hate being logical.

rise and shine

Good morning Nashville!
Yet again I slept like a baby. I love sleeping in hotels. Sometimes I wonder if its bad that I always sleep better away from home. We stayed at the Radisson.. which makes me think of radishes. But I digress..
We, at least I, just ate a great breakfast. Anything with Orange juice and raisin bran is great.
We're headed back home, and I for one am glad. These next few months are gonna fly and I have a ton to ponder on and even more decisions to make. Wish me luck!

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redbull sunrise

Up and at em! And that was like 2 hours ago. Today is the day! What day you may ask??
Yet again good question! Today we are.. we being Joel, Seth, Caleb, and I are going to Evangel. Pretty exciting stuff. We are barreling down 13, well batreling down a detour. I hope that this goes good and that something is reassured to me. I wanna say I hope I get a sign, but I don't think that's biblically correct. But this morning I have Jou bubbling in me and so far so good :)

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Poetry?

I'm not real sure what the initial subject of this post was going to be, but I just had a random thought reading this black chick's blog. ( "black chick" is that racist?? )

* I used to write really gay poetry. And by "gay" I mean I would write poems about how sad I was..God knows why? Because honestly, they sucked and made you want to bullet through your head, or mine. Along with this
blog I am on inkpop. I don't know how many of you guys have heard of that, but lots of teenagers (depressed emo girls) are on there along with there "poetry". I am all for a good sad poem, but honestly get over yourself. I had to learn that lesson the hard way. By the grace of God I got out of my hole, and you can too.
This is random with no point...just thought I'd share my views on that.

babies are scary!

Yes indeed. There is a baby in front if me and its scary. I don't speak gibberish.. sometimes it can seem that way but rest assured I'm not fluent.
So tomorrow I leave on one of the biggest adventures of my life.. I'm going to Missouri! Why Missouri you may ask. Good question. I can't tell you how many times I've asked myself that. The school I've allowed my heart to set on is there. Evangel university. If I had been doing this last week I would have had plenty of great things to say... but my spirits have been depressed by the money monster. I won't go there.. its too ugly. However I have hope that everything will work out. Just have to keep the faith..
Sometimes that seems like the hardest thing to do.

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