Best Breakup Poem Ever

Best Breakup song  poem ever : "Neutral Tones" by Thomas Hardy. 

We have a "best" song for everything - dance, love, party, and the favorite, breakup song. (And all I can think of is Taylor Swift, can you blame me?) 

In the midst of these melodic power cords, we have lost sight of the art of poetry. 
A poem.. oh yea.. I guess that's.. yea whatever. 

Probably what every teenager thinks when the word "poetry" is uttered. 
And I'll admit, sometimes poetry is a drag, esp early British Literature. 
BUT! 

We read this poem in class and it has just struck a cord in me. Even though I'm not going through a breakup, and never really have, I have had my heartbroken and I've read enough books to empathize. 

We stood by a pond that winter day,

And the sun was white, as though chidden (rebuked) of God,

And a few leaves lay on the starving sod;

         – They had fallen from an ash, and were gray.

Your eyes on me were as eyes that rove

Over tedious riddles of years ago;

And some words played between us to and fro

         On which lost the more by our love.

The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing

Alive enough to have strength to die;

And a grin of bitterness swept thereby

         Like an ominous bird a-wing….

Since then, keen lessons that love deceives,

And wrings with wrong, have shaped to me

Your face, and the God curst sun, and a tree,

         And a pond edged with grayish leaves.

It seems long, but read it, I promise it's amazing.

 The third stanza is my favorite. Just take a second to appreciate that. The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing/ alive enough to have strength to die. 

Not even concerning a breakup, this line, just describes every smile in every awkward moment, death, heartbreak, defeated moment in your life. It just blows me away ( am I nerding out too much here?)!!

The  poem, is in fact about a break-up, but not some drag out fight. The two people lost their way in love and just fell apart. I have had arguments with Israel where we both feel backed into a corner and defeated and sometimes you walk away with that dead smile. In our case it didn't break us, but come on! That last stanza keen lessons that love deceives, that is powerful my friend! 

Does Mother Nature have a period?

I just want to rip my hair out of my head, punch something, and scream at the top of my lungs. 

Ladies, can we please talk, for just a second, about how annoy it is that for the week or so before your period, and you feel like a raging lunatic?! Or is it just me? And then it finally hits you and you kinda mellow out, but your insides are being ripped and crushed my some invisible evil. 
Mother Nature sure is a *#$^!. 
But, we already knew all that, didn't we? 

Obviously I am enduring this week before, which has gotten worse for me since I've gotten older. ( I really need to see a doctor, huh? For mine and Israel's sake. ) 
I just feel like I wanna snap on anything or anybody who crosses my path. The other day this girl looked at me, literally all this poor girl did was LOOK at me, and I turned into the Hulk. Umm excuse me, please so not look at me like that. Would you like me to push you down the stairs?? Also, your haircut makes your head look big. 

 I hate being a woman. 

I am up this late because I am throwing a party for my friend tomorrow; she is 9 years cancer free!! Whoo-hoo! Totally something worth celebrating in my book. I am trying to get my house in order for the event, but I need to take a second and breath before I smashed all the dishes. 

I feel like I have been running around in endless circles (is that too repetitive?) for months now. My brain is fried. Today I skipped not one but two classes, and I feel no guilt. I actually had a couple of hours where I vegged, and when I caught myself I felt guilty for some unbeknownst reason. This semester cannot end sooner. Just one more week of classes, and then exams, and I am home free! Until January, where I have a 9 a..m  spanish. It literally never ends. 

This song just came on my Spotify; it's one of my favorites. I will leave you with this soulful piece, since I killed you with my hormonal outrage :p 

adults worry about growing up too pt.1

This morning, as well as yesterday.. in fact now that I think about it, I've been feeling like this for a while now. 

Often, I get this fear that I'm losing myself, which immediately brings this panic of "do I really know who I am?" Of course, this may just be left over teenage insecurities? Or is that wishful thinking? Don't adults worry about growing up too? I believe it stems from not wanting to get to the end of your life and have regret. It's easy to get caught up in the hype and pressure of "YOLO" and "carpe diem." Live life to the fullest and squeeze everything you can out of it. The sad part comes from all the limitations that we face, and even create for ourselves. 

Lately, I just feel trapped in this box. The crazy thing is that the box has windows and a door, I just don't know how to get out. I'm making myself stay in this place where I feel helpless. And then on top of that I think, your problem is that you spend too much time thinking about yourself. If you can get out of your head, you'd be ok. I believe me, too. I know that small problems can be just that, small, hardly a problem. But if you spend too much time chewing and mulling it over that it turns into this huge monster and you don't even want to get out of the bed in the morning. 

Whew, life sucks and then you die, huh? 

Sorry to lay this on you, but I feel like if I don't get it out I'll just keep chewing and mulling. And quite frankly, I don't have time to spiral into depression right now. The end of school has popped up and so have papers and tests. I am so ready for break, I can taste it. Yummy. 

I'll fly away.. and you can call me Queen B

I almost feel like a hypocrite for going to school to be a teacher ( and gaining a growing passion for it ) and, yet, still hating homework. If all the information just soaked into my head whilst daydreaming in class, I'd have no problems. But seeing as how that never happens, I have to put forth effort. And I am determined to do better, at least some meager attempt.
I'll admit, I'm not the most studious, and I don't like looking like dummy on paper. 

However, clearly I am not doing school work. I was working on spanish and then I thought... hummmmmmmm maybe I'll try that blog thing again. 

On a completely unrelated note I have two songs stuck in my head at the same time. The songs have nothing to do with one another. I just like because they both, respectively, have good hooks. If you are procrastinating from something, take another sec and listen. 

The first one, Royals, I heard on the radio and can't get the beat out of my head. I am a sucker for some good snaps in a song. 

And the second, I head just the other day in a friends' car. You might think, Eww, Dixie chicks, or give a dramatic eye roll as my sister would, actual both of them probably would. Say what you want, we both know that Earl had it coming.  

Enjoy. and goodnight my earthlings. 

Life Update...

I haven't wrote anything on here in so long that I honestly thought about starting a new blog. I figured that since I was married now, that would be a good stopping and re-starting spot. BUT then I slapped myself ( not really) because I realized that would defeat the purpose of this blog: to document my journey, my life. 

Quick update, school is back in session: all of my teachers are trolls ( except the hottie with a body bowling coach. yes, I am taking bowling. yes i get a credit for it. ) Classes are good, so far I really only enjoy my literature class. 

Wedding planning dominates the other half of my life. The big day is coming up quick and I am so excited. I still have a full head of hair, so I'd say things are going pretty good. I am, however, just now starting to get aggravated that this shindig is only one day. As much time, effort and MONEY as we are putting into it, you'd think it was a week long, county wide celebration. 

OH, I got a job! Thats noteworthy. I am a cashier at a local cafe on main st. If it was anymore novel, my feet wouldn't be able to touch the ground. 

Thats the broad whatnots going on with me. How are you? How has your week been? 
You probably won't answer, but I do care. I hope you who read this are doing good. 

Random bunny trail, I have become quite entertained by these "vine" sensations. If you haven't seen any, you are missing out my friend. One of my top 5 favorites is: 

I have not the energy to bore you with my troubles as I thought I would post, instead I will leave you with 7 seconds of senseless funny. 

Half the Fun is Getting There

So I noticed that the posts about my love life and marriage have gotten the most hits. 
Is that all you people want from me?! The drama??! 

Truly, answer the question. If that's what you want, that's what I will give you. 

Two days of being married have been great! 
With the weekend approaching, we can finally go off for a couple of days and have some time together. (He's had to work this week, so it's been a bummer being on usual routine.) 

Today there has been no nothing going on. Except the part where I've been procrastinating on packing and roaming around the house waiting for prince charming to get home so we can goooooo! 
 ( ugghhh saying stuff like that makes me desperately miss school. I feel useless! )  

You know when you go on a vacation half the fun is the anticipation.

•  You blow up your facebook with a countdown: 459 days till the bahamas!!  
• And you plan you packing strategically: OOO THIS TOP IS A MUST! AND THIS DRESS! OHH THIS WILL BE SO CUTE WITH THOSE SHOES!  And then the reality of sunburn sets in and you completely have to re-do your outfits. WHICH IS OK because you packed half the closet to "have options."
• Then the car, plane, train, boat, zipline, ride etc.. You get in the vehicle  all packed ready to go. And for the first hour you are pumped! Got your snacks, your "road-trip playlist"..ect. BUT then after the first hour your butt is uncomfortable, your want real food (because for some reason traveling makes you ravenous), and if you don't stretch your legs you are gonna have cramps for the next three days. 

Happy Summer Everybody!!! 

Went to Chapel and We got Marrrrriiiiieeedddd

This post is mainly for my Facebook population, but also for the rest of the world that reads my story. 

Yesterday (June 25 2013) I got married! 

Just let THAT sink in. 

I married my best friend and I couldn't possibly happier. (Well, if I didn't have to wait three days for the honeymoon I'd be somewhat happier.) We had a short and sweet ceremony at the church and then had the attendees back at our place for some food and.. video games. We mainly did this because we were living together already and we did want to right that wrong before God. We figured we're going to do it anyway, we might as well! 

Saying that, we are still having that big ceremony/par-tay in October! 

The ceremony yesterday was just what my pastor called the "I Do" portion. We said hopelessly romantic vows and sealed the deal. (too saucy a phrase?) It was short, but so sweet. I cried the entire time. I tried desperately to hold them back and the more I tried, the more they flowed. 
In that place with Israel and our close guests, I felt God with us and I felt his blessing. I am overjoyed at  starting this new chapter in my life. It was perfect. 
One of the happiest days of my life, and the best part is I get to do it twice!